“He knows the worst about me,” she continued. “He knows the worst and he’s okay with it. Unbelievable but true.”

“So be happy,” Drew said. They were the right words, but there was something strange about him. His body language, maybe the intensity of his expression.

Jesse eyed him. “What’s wrong with you tonight? You’re acting, I don’t know, kind of disconnected.”

He moved from the chair to the side of the bed. “I want to be happy for you, Jess, but come on. You with one guy? You’ll be bored in a week. You love the variety, the chase.”

His words surprised her. “I don’t love that. I love Matt.”

“Or at least the idea of him.”

“What? No. You’re wrong. I love him.”

“I don’t think so.” He shifted closer.

A little too close, she thought, moving away. Drew had been hanging out in her room and talking to her for months, but this was the first time she’d been uncomfortable.

“Maybe you should, um, go see what Nicole’s doing,” she said, trying to smile and not able to fake it. What was wrong with her? So Drew sat on her bed. He was Drew. They were friends. But there was something in his eyes…

“You’re so pretty, Jess. Did I ever tell you that?”

Jesse couldn’t move. She could barely breathe. Was he drunk? As far as she knew, Drew wasn’t into drugs, but maybe that had changed. He shifted closer and put his hand on her arm.

“So pretty. You’re a lot like Nicole. The long, blond hair, the blue eyes, but you’re softer. Touchable. You’re the kind of girl lots of guys fall for. Come on. Admit it. You like the attention.”

Was he right? Sure, she’d used sex and men to feel good about herself, but not anymore. She had Matt. He loved her and wanted to marry her.

“One guy forever?” Drew asked as he leaned close and kissed her. “No way. It would be a waste.”

Her mind exploded into a shrill scream, but she couldn’t let out the sound. It was as if she’d actually left her body and was watching from a distance. She could see herself stiffening as his mouth pressed into hers, could feel his lips. Maybe he was right. Maybe she couldn’t be faithful. Maybe…

Drew moved closer. “Oh, baby, I want you bad. I see you all the time, prancing around here in your shorts and T-shirts. You want it, too. I can tell.”

He tugged at her T-shirt. Even though it was early, she’d already dressed for bed in an oversized shirt and shorts. So when he pulled it over her head and tossed it on the bed, she was nearly naked.

“Oh, yeah,” he breathed as he kissed her neck. “I knew you’d have great tits.”

Her eyes burned, but no tears fell. The shame was so powerful, she could taste it and still she couldn’t move. Because she knew why this was happening. She knew why he had changed.

This was who she really was. All the other guys who hadn’t mattered. All the times she’d used her body to hurt Nicole or to feel as if she belonged. She’d been little more than a whore and it was too late to change.

But the second Drew touched her breast, she came to her senses. She pushed his hands away.

“Stop,” she told him. “You have to stop.”

“What?” Drew said. “You’ve been practically begging for this for months.”

She was just about to give him a firm shove when her bedroom door flew open.

Drew jumped up at once, leaving Jesse bare to the waist, staring into the horrified face of her sister.

“It wasn’t me,” Drew yelled. “It was her. She’s been coming on to me for weeks, touching me, kissing me, begging me to take her. I couldn’t stand it any more. I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry.”

Jesse lay there exposed, trembling, ashamed. She pulled up the sheet to cover herself. “It wasn’t like that,” she whispered. “I never did that.”

But it was too late. Her sister was gone and everything had changed forever.

JESSE STOOD ON THE doorstep of Matt’s town house for a long time. She stared at the door, remembering how she’d first come here with him when he’d been looking for a place of his own. They’d been so happy then. So in love.

Not anymore. Not since he’d found out about that night with Drew.

Jesse didn’t want to think about what had happened. How Nicole had thrown her out. She’d been so afraid, so ashamed, but Nicole hadn’t wanted to listen to the truth and Drew had been plenty convincing.

That had been bad enough, but then Paula had gone looking for her again and had found Nicole instead. Her sister had been pleased to explain exactly why Jesse wasn’t living there anymore, and Paula hadn’t wasted any time in telling Matt.

Jesse had tried to get to him first, but he wasn’t taking her calls. She’d waited for him at his work, but he’d managed to avoid her.

Her whole body hurt. She couldn’t stop crying. How was it possible for one person to lose everything so fast? And yet she had.

She rang the bell and waited. She was here because she had something important to tell him. Something he would have to believe. Her stomach writhed from nerves and fear. She fought back tears. He had to listen to her. Somehow she would make him understand.

The door opened and Matt stood in front of her. She stared at him, feasting on seeing him for the first time in days.

He looked good. Tall and thin, but filling out from their regular visits to the gym. She’d been the one to introduce him to the idea of working out to build muscle and then he’d taken her to bed and rewarded her for her good ideas. He was very good at rewarding her, and telling her he loved her. He got this light in his eyes and what she called his special smile. Only he wasn’t smiling now.

“I have nothing to say to you,” he told her and started to close the door.

She threw herself against it and managed to squeeze inside. “We have to talk.”

“You may have to talk but I don’t have to listen.”

God, he sounded so cold, she thought grimly. As if he hated her. Was that possible? Had hate replaced love this quickly?

She couldn’t think about it because, if she did, she would fall apart. He was everything to her. She loved him. She who had vowed to never risk her heart had fallen for a geeky computer nerd with beautiful eyes and a smile that made her soul float.

“Matt, please,” she whispered. “Please. Just hear me out. I love you.”

His gaze narrowed. “Do you think your words mean anything to me? Do you think you do? I learn fast, Jesse. I always have. I trusted you. I gave you every part of me. I loved you. Hell, I wanted to marry you. I bought a ring. Which makes me an idiot, but it’s not a mistake I’m going to make again.”

She felt the tears on her cheeks and the slicing pain in her heart. “I love you, Matt.”

“Bullshit. I was some fun project. Did you get a kick out of screwing the socially inept genius? Did you laugh about me with your friends?”

“It wasn’t like that and you know it.”

“I don’t know shit about you. This was a game. You won, I lost, now get the hell away from me.”

“No. I won’t go until you listen. Until you understand.”

“Understand what? That while you were sleeping with me, pretending to care about me, you were screwing Drew? Who else, Jess? How many other guys? I’m not asking for a total number. I doubt you can count that high. But, say, in the past two months. Less than a hundred? Less than twenty? Just give me a ballpark idea.”

She cried harder, hating his words and the distance she saw in his eyes. “Stop. I’m not like that anymore.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“I didn’t sleep with Drew,” she screamed. “We used to talk. I could talk to him about stuff the way I could never talk to Nicole. That was it. Then that night he started kissing me and I freaked. I didn’t know what to do.”

“I’m not interested,” Matt told her. “There’s nothing you can say to make me care. Once a slut, always a slut. Everyone was right about you.”

He was using her past against her, she thought in disbelief. She’d trusted him with her secrets, her shameful moments and now he was judging her.

“Matt, stop,” she said, her voice breaking on a sob. “Don’t do this. Don’t take us to a place where we can’t get back.”

“Why not? You think you matter to me anymore? Just get out. I never want to see you again.”

It hurt too much, she thought, using all her strength to keep from sinking to the floor. She had to tell him. He had the right to know the truth, no matter what.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

“So what?”

She stared at him. What? He couldn’t have understood her. “I told you. I didn’t sleep with Drew. I’m having your baby.”

“No, you’re not.” He spoke casually, as if he would never consider the possibility that the child might be his.

She grabbed his arm. “Matt, listen to me. This is your baby. Even if you hate me, you have to care about your child. I’m not lying. I can prove it. As soon as the baby’s born, we’ll take a DNA test.”

He looked at her for a long time, then pulled free of her grip and walked to the door. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t care, Jess. You’re nothing to me but a regret. I don’t believe that baby is mine and even if it is, I don’t want a child with you. I don’t want anything with you. Ever. I want you to go away. I never want to see you again. No matter what.”

What scared her the most was how calmly he spoke. How easily he mouthed the words that ripped her soul apart.

She looked down, half expecting to see her body torn open and bleeding, but all the pain was on the inside.

“Matt, please,” she begged.

He pulled open the door and stared outside. “Just go.”

Walking took all her strength. Jesse barely made it down the stairs to her car. She crawled into the front seat and cried until she couldn’t breathe anymore. Until the emptiness threatened to swallow her. Until there was nothing left.

If he’d loved her, he would have believed her, she thought sadly, facing the truth for the first time. He hadn’t loved her. They had just been words. All her dreams had meant nothing. All his promises had been meaningless. He’d sworn her past didn’t matter, that no matter what, he would be there for her. And he’d lied, leaving her with an emptiness that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Present Day…

JESSE TRIED TO SHAKE OFF Matt’s obvious anger and hurt. The fact that Gabe had grown up with other people in his life had nothing to do with Matt being his father. Once Matt calmed down he would realize that having a great guy like Bill around had only been good for the boy.

While she could make a case for that, the guilt was harder to explain away, so she did her best to ignore it for the moment.

Paula came out of the kitchen. “I thought I heard you,” she said, then stopped when she saw Bill. “Oh. Hello.”

“Paula, this is Bill. He rescued me when I showed up in Spokane five years ago. He gave me a job, found me a place to live and was my friend as I tried to figure out how to be a mother to Gabe. Bill, this is Gabe’s grandmother, Paula.”

“Nice to meet you,” Bill said, a twinkle in his eye. “Are you sure you’re that boy’s grandmother? I could see his aunt.”

Jesse stared at her friend. Was he flirting? It sounded like flirting, but it was behavior she’d never seen before.

Paula laughed. “Don’t expect me to fall for that line, Bill. I’m past sixty.”

“You don’t look it.” Bill turned to Gabe. “And look at you. You’ve grown. I barely recognized you.”