Author: Tiffany Reisz

“Princess? Nice.” He laughed at a joke only he seemed to get.

“When Gitte’s good he calls her Malcah. That means ‘queen.’ When she’s being wild he calls her Behemah.”

“Behemah?”

“Hebrew for ‘animal.’”

Wes laughed as Laila laid back down on the bed. He didn’t seem in any hurry to get rid of her, and for her part she kind of wanted to stay in bed with him forever. A bad idea. She’d get muscle atrophy in only a few weeks. They’d probably need to work out in bed if they stayed here. She had a few ideas for some exercises they could do.

“Gitte’s a little hyperactive. We’re hoping she grows out of it.”

“I would have loved some siblings. Brothers or sisters.”

“You’re alone?”

“Yeah. Lots of cousins. Tons of cousins but no siblings. Mom was six months pregnant and miscarried when I was four. Took her a long time to get over it. And I don’t think she ever did. She didn’t want to try again.”

“I love Gitte when I don’t want to kill her. You could get married and have kids.”

“That’s the plan. Fill up the house with them. You want kids?”

“Kids, animals, all of it. No one has big families in Denmark anymore. Small country, small houses, small families. It’s why I’ve always wanted to come to America. Big country, big houses. I have big dreams.”

“You have good dreams. I need some good dreams.”

“Is that a hint I should go and let you sleep?”

Wes shook his head. “You can stay. I should sleep but I don’t want to. I feel better talking to you.”

“I like talking to you, too. Although we keep getting off the subject.”

“I don’t even remember the subject.”

“Sex,” Laila reminded him. Wes laughed again.

“How could I forget? I’m twenty and male. That’s usually a safe guess for what’s on my mind.”

“I’m eighteen and female.”

“I’m not buying it. What goes on in your head can’t even begin to compare to what goes on in mine.”

“That’s not fair. There’s no way we can compare without switching brains.”

“That’s not going to happen. No one is allowed inside my brain. It is not pretty in there. All sex all the time. Most of the time, anyway.”

“That must be exhausting.”

“You have no idea.”

“At least you’ve had it. It’s all theory for me.”

“I’ve had it. But you’ve heard it,” he teased again. Laila raised her fist and Wes covered his stomach.

“I didn’t mean to hear it.”

“Did you cover your ears? Leave your bedroom? Start listening to music? Knock on the wall and tell them to keep it down?”

“No.”

“Then you meant to hear it.”

“I didn’t want to hear them having sex, I promise. I wanted to know what was going on. Tante Elle was acting strange when she came for the funeral. I heard them talking about how she left him.”

“Did she say why?”

“I know why she did. I don’t know how she does it, stays with him. I love him more than any other man on earth and even I would have a hard time being with him.”

“She deserves better than to be a secret.”

“He thinks so, too. That night, he said the same thing.”

“What did he say?”

Laila sighed as she pulled her knees to her chest. It had started to cool off in the room, but it didn’t seem right to get under the covers. They were only talking, not sleeping together.

“He said he was sorry that the only time she and he could be together out in the open like this was in Denmark. And that he wished it was under better circumstances than a funeral.”

Wes rolled off the bed and opened the closet door. He pulled down a blanket and came back to the bed.

“What did Nora say?”

“She said...” Laila paused as Wes laid the blanket over her before stretching out on the bed once more. He must have noticed her starting to shiver. “She said that her feelings right now were the last thing he needed to worry about. His mother had died. He was here for the funeral, and she was here for him.”

“Thank you,” Laila heard her uncle say through the wall. “Thank you for coming. I know how busy you are. I know you have other—”

“Nothing. I have nothing more important than you,” Tante Elle said, and Laila had imagined her aunt covering his lips with her hand to playfully shut him up. She did that to him as often as he did it to her.

“Eleanor, please, let me thank you for doing this for me. I’ll feel better.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for. Not coming wasn’t even an option. You should know that by now.”

A long pause followed, a long and painful silence. Laila had to cover her mouth to silence her crying.

“She loved you, Little One. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know. I loved her, too. I think she even liked me. More than my own mother does, anyway, which isn’t saying much.”

“She certainly liked me more than your mother does.”

“Again, not saying much.”

Tante Elle laughed then and it heartened Laila. Such a laugh...it woke the angels up.

“My mother has terrible taste in men. She loved my father. She hates you.”

“You left me. What does that say about your taste in men?”

“It could use some work.”

“Come back to me,” he said, and Laila heard the agony in his voice. “You don’t have to stay away anymore. You never did.”

“It’s such a risk, Søren. Any second now we could get caught. The stories are in the newspapers every day, some priest falling from grace.”

“You’re worth the risk, and you are my grace.”

“I can’t be responsible for ruining your life. I won’t be.”

“Even if they did find out about us and excommunicated me, my life could never be a ruin, not with you in it.”

“I can’t come back...I just can’t. I worked so hard for what I have.”

“You wouldn’t have to give it up, any of it.”

“You say that and I want to believe you. But I remember how it was. I couldn’t even cut my hair without getting your permission. I don’t know if I could go back to that.”

“You miss it.”

“I miss you.”

“You promised me forever.”

“I was fifteen when I promised you forever. And you promised me everything the same day. I can no more keep my promise than you can keep yours.”

“You won’t let me keep it.”

“Because I love you too much. You stupid, infuriating man, why do I love you this much?”

Silence followed again. What could they be doing in there? Laila hoped it was kissing or hugging or something. Anything. Their pain hurt so much worse than her own. For years she longed to join the Enchanted Kingdom of Adulthood, that world where people like her aunt and uncle lived and loved and no one told them what to do. But here they were, two people madly in love with each other and they couldn’t be together. The unfairness of it felt like a bruise on her heart. He could no more leave the church than her aunt could quit writing or breathing. It would be suicide for a man who’d found his true calling. She couldn’t ask him to leave it. But unless he left it, she couldn’t go back. Why...why did anyone think there was any sin in the two of them loving each other? How could anyone who saw them together think they did anything wrong? How could God create two people so perfect for each other and then force them to stay apart? God was a sadist. No doubt in her mind.

No wonder her uncle loved Him so much.

“We’re a mess,” her aunt finally said, breaking the silence. “Look at us. Your mother is being buried tomorrow, and all we can do is fight the same old fight.”

“I’d rather fight with you than bury her.”

“Me, too. But I’m sure we can find something better to do than fight.”

“It’s hard to stay calm right now, Little One. Help me.”

“That’s why I’m here. I came here for you. Come to bed now. Hurt me. I want you to.”

“I don’t know if I can control myself enough tonight.”

Laila remembered holding her breath during the silence that followed before her aunt started to speak again.

“Then don’t. I know you’re hurting. Don’t be afraid to hurt me, too. I know you want to let go. Let go with me. You need comfort. Let me comfort you with my body. Lose yourself inside me. Forget what you’ve lost, forget what you can’t have. There’s no shame in trying to forget for a night even if you know you’ll remember in the morning.”

* * *

Laila blinked and tears fell onto the sheets. Wesley reached out and wiped them off her cheek with his thumb.

“I think I learned what sex was that night,” Laila said. “I mean, I learned what it should be.”

“And what is that?” Wes asked, his fingers lingering on her face.

“A gift. A gift you give someone you care about. A consolation, a comfort, even a distraction, but always a gift. I didn’t listen after that. I made sure I didn’t hear any more. I read her books. I know what happens with people like them in private. I didn’t need to hear. But I’m glad I heard that much so I know...I know that love is giving yourself to someone else. Giving yourself to someone without losing yourself.”

Laila knew she’d remember those words all her life. Let go with me. Let me comfort you with my body...there’s no shame in forgetting for a night even if you know you’ll remember in the morning.

They sounded like a poem to her, like a vow.

“No one loves like Nora loves,” Wes said. “I wish I knew how she did it, how she could love so hard and still stay sane.”

“Are you sure she is?”

Wes grinned. “Not entirely.”

“You know, you have a big smile.” She spread her hands out a foot apart.

“I do?”

“I think they can see it on the space station.”

“Why are those astronauts so freaking obsessed with us? It’s creepy.”

“They get bored up there, maybe,” Laila suggested.

“Then they should watch porn.”

“Space porn?”

“What other kind is there?”

They laughed together and Laila felt human for the first time since arriving at her uncle’s house two days ago. Had it only been two days? It felt like two years. Even Wes, this complete stranger...she felt like she’d known him all her life.

The tail end of Wes’s laugh turned into a yawn.

“Sorry,” he said. “You didn’t need to see my molars.”

“It’s fine. Here’s mine.” She opened her mouth wide and Wes peered at her teeth.

“Good molars.”

“They work out.” She smiled at him once more before sitting up.

“Where are you going?” Wes sounded almost distressed.

“You’re yawning. I’ll let you go to sleep.”

“You don’t have to go,” Wes said as Laila crawled off the bed and started folding the blanket. “It was just a yawn. You can stay if you want.”

“It’s not a good idea.” She put the blanket in the top of the closet.

“Let me guess, you grope in your sleep. Should have known.”

“Not that I know of.” Although if she slept with Wes, she probably would grope him in her sleep. And she’d grope him while awake, too. She’d grope him every chance she got. “No, it’s just that if you and I slept in the same room...”