I groaned. What could I say? I couldn’t admit my feelings. If I came clean about everything, it would be disastrous for us. I’d fuck her, get scared, and then leave her. Or she’d leave me.

It would be best to let it go, to let her go.

“It’s hard to give up something when it’s everything you want.”

–Nora Blakely

THE NEXT DAY, I walked over to the gym for our first band practice. Everyone was there but Leo, and I wondered if he would show.

As we got ready, Teddy pulled out his camera and snapped pictures of us setting up the equipment. It made him happy. When he heard I’d bought the music to “Girl on Fire,” he turned his camera off and insisted on me playing it. I laid out the music, and we sat down together at the piano. Sebastian gave Vixen the drum music, grabbed his guitar and turned on the sound system.

“Are your ears on?” I asked Teddy.

He cocked his head awkwardly and spoke in his high voice, “Yes, my ears are on the side of my head.”

I grinned even though he wasn’t looking. “That was a joke. What I meant to say was . . . are you ready to listen to the song?”

He stared at my forehead. “Jokes are hard to get.”

“Yeah?”

“My sister says I annoy people. There was a girl at church I liked, but she told me I never shut up about music and pictures.”

“You don’t annoy me. You’re just different, Teddy, but I’m different, too.”

He thought for a moment. “How are you different?”

“I have a high IQ. I fixate on words. I count things. Lately, I’ve been breaking things. I get obsessed with things like piano, sewing, or people watching.” I leaned in conspiratorially. “Don’t say anything, because it makes people uncomfortable, but in my head, I assign everyone an animal.” I tapped my temple. “I got a whole menagerie of people-animals running around up here.”

“Oh.”

“Hey, I got a problem.” I laughed.

“What animal am I?” he asked.

“An elephant,” I replied immediately since I’d lain awake for the past few nights thinking about it, “because you’re strong. And like me, you’re what I call quietly watchful which means you study people, but they don’t see it. They focus on the elephant’s large frame, or in your case, they see your autism.”

Teddy blinked. “You’re good.”

I grinned.

“Vixen?” he asked.

“A female fox, of course.”

“Sebastian?”

I chewed on my lip. “Still working on that one.”

“Leo?”

“Most days he’s a tiger, but sometimes he’s a stubborn rat.”

Teddy nodded, like he could totally see it.

I added seriously, “You know, sometimes I feel sad.”

“My sister makes me a grilled cheese when I’m sad. I like that. What do you do?” he asked.

“Well, I try to be brave.”

“How?” he said, his eyes studying the piano keys.

“By facing my fears. By admitting that something bad happened to me. I think that’s bravery.”

Our attention was abruptly taken by Leo as he stalked into the room and picked up his guitar. “Sorry, I’m late. Interviews went longer than I thought,” he told us.

Sebastian looked up from his sheet music. “Who’d you hire?”

“An office manager and two more personal trainers.”

Sebastian flicked his eyes at me. “Nora needs a job after school.”

My mouth opened at Sebastian’s words. I knew he meant well, but I couldn’t work here and be around Leo all the time. I glared at him with my eyes, telling him telepathically, When we are alone, I will kill you slowly by beating your guitar over your head.

Sebastian’s eyes said, Oh yeah? Bring it.

Leo flashed his eyes at me. “I asked you if you needed anything, and you said no. Why didn’t you tell me you needed money, Nora?” Leo said, his hands gripping his guitar. Like he was angry.

“I’m working at the bakery,” I said, giving Sebastian one more dark look.

Sebastian shrugged. “Her parents aren’t helping her.”

“Hello, right here,” I muttered.

Sebastian ignored me. “She could work the afternoon shift, and then use the gym to take a shower ’cause she doesn’t have a real bathroom at Portia’s. And, dude, the room where she sleeps is tiny,” he finished with a dramatic shake of his head.

I gasped aloud at his blatant lie. Yeah, it was a small room, but he hadn’t been up there.

“Sebastian—” I started.

“You know you need the money, Nora,” Sebastian said.

I paused, knowing he was right. Who knew what expenses I’d have this year. What if my car broke down? What if something happened to Aunt Portia? I had to be more responsible and focus on providing for myself. Plus, I still hadn’t heard back from my dad about my winnings.

I nodded uncertainly, not sure what I was agreeing to.

“Done,” Leo said. “You can start whenever you’re ready since we’re already getting membership requests and phone calls. It’d be great if you could man the front desk.”

He seemed to freeze as he waited for my reply, and I wondered if he was anxious about me working here. Did he think it was a bad idea?

It would be hard to be around Leo. How would I react the next time I saw him with Tiffani?

“Great, I’ll do it,” I said quickly before I thought too long and changed my mind.

Leo smiled. “If that’s settled, then let’s practice.”

He nodded at me and strummed the first chords of “Girl on Fire,” and I joined in with the piano, immediately becoming immersed in the sound as Vixen tapped in with a gentle drum beat. It was a slow song, almost liquid like, with its smooth music and Sebastian’s gentle vocals. As he sang about how the girl burns like fire and takes on the world and triumphs, I wanted to be that girl. I would be that girl. When Sebastian got to the chorus, Leo’s deep voice sang back up, and after a moment, even though my voice was awful, I did too. You know those people that think they can sing, but really can’t? Well, that’s not me. I knew I couldn’t sing worth crap, but I played on and sang anyway.

After we’d played it a few more times, the others went to get drinks. Teddy and I stayed behind and ran through the keys a bit more. Fifteen minutes later, he had the notes down. When he played it back for me, it wasn’t perfect or exactly from the music sheet, but it sounded incredible. Whatever little discrepancies there were, he made up for it by adding his own style to it.