“Well you’re a little late, buddy,” Brian says as he taps his watch. “It’s over.”

I see Vic tense up when Brian calls him “buddy,” but he doesn’t say anything.

“Don’t forget that we’ll meet again next week,” Wendy is sure to point out. “Do you need a brochure on the program? It details all the benefits of sharing grief with your peers.”

“I already got one,” Vic says.

I have no clue why he’s here, but I don’t question him. He can be here if he wants. I’ll just ignore him.

I follow the other teens out the door, stepping right past Vic on my way out.

“Can we talk?” he asks as he follows me.

I hold my chin up high. “I really don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Don’t walk away.”

“Why not, Vic? You did.”

“Well I’m not anymore.”

I keep walking toward my car. Vic is close behind. I can feel the electricity in the air between us. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Why? Because you don’t want to hear the truth? You’re so good at keeping secrets, Monika. Too good. Stop hiding behind your fears and be real with me. I want to make sure you’re okay from the other night.” He clears his throat. “I was kind of an asshole, and well, I just wasn’t prepared for what happened. And hell, maybe the entire thing was too real. But I want to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s fine,” I say as a lump forms in my throat. I want to scream out the truth, that I’ve fallen madly, deeply in love with him. When I gave myself to him physically the other night, I also gave him my heart.

But I’m too much of a coward to tell him I love him.

“You sure?” he asks.

“It was no big deal.”

The truth is, it was a big deal. I wanted to be held and told I was cared for. Maybe I even wanted to be told he loved me. I should be over it, but I’ve been an emotional wreck ever since.

“I’ve been thinkin’ a lot, and I’m sorry,” he says. “You deserved better than that.”

“Apology accepted,” I say, my lips in a tight thin line. I need to protect myself from the pain I’m feeling. Maybe if I lie to him, the pain in my heart will magically disintegrate. “Now go away. I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

He shoves his hands in his pockets and steps away from me. “Do you really mean that? Because I have a lot of other stuff to say to you.”

No. “Yes, I mean it. Leave me alone.” I’m scared he’ll tell me that everything that happened between us was a mistake. I can’t handle hearing that now.

“Okay. I get it.” He takes another step away from me. “Bye, Monika. I won’t bother you ever again.”

I swallow the lump in my throat and say, “Good.”

Chapter Fifty-one

VICTOR

“Are you aware that it’s four-fucking-thirty in the morning?” Isa asks me as she walks down to the shop in her pajamas and sees me working on one of the cars.

“Yep.”

“Why? I heard noise down here, and I knew it was you. You have a distinct way of not being quiet when you’re workin’ on cars. Mainly it’s the music you listen to, Vic. It’s loud.”

“It makes me pumped.”

“Can you go to sleep now and get pumped at seven? Or six, even?”

“Nah. I’ve got energy now.”

She shakes a finger at me. “Take your energy somewhere else until seven.”

“We have business, Isa,” I tell her. “If we’re gonna expand, we need to get shit done.”

She blinks in shock. “Who are you, and what did you do with my cousin Vic?”

“Very funny.”

“Why are you suddenly a go-getter?” she asks, but then she nods slowly as if turning on a light bulb in her head. “It’s because of Monika, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“I’ll pretend I believe you,” Isa says. “Pretending has been the theme in my life lately.” She heads back upstairs. “You want some coffee?”

“Nah.” I wipe my hands on a shop cloth. “I’m gonna go talk to Coach Dieter. And some other people.”

“Okay, well, I’m going back to bed.”

“Get up and make sure this place keeps runnin’.”

“Fuck that. I need my beauty sleep.” She turns around before entering her apartment. “To be honest, I’m glad you finally snapped out of whatever hell you were living in.”