And this was getting out of hand. I pulled my head away gently and she came up on her tiptoes to follow me. So I took a deep breath, stepped back and separated us, still holding her at her waist. She stared up at me with those lovely brown eyes, a tremulous smile on her lips.

“This was so sweet of you,” she whispered. “I can’t—can’t believe that you did all this. But…” Her eyes flicked away.

“But what?” I prompted. If she wanted us to communicate better, there was no time like the present to begin improving.

She backed off, suddenly looking embarrassed. Her teeth clamped down on her luscious bottom lip and her brows lowered over her eyes in a pensive frown. “I just thought we’d…that I’d…” She took a deep breath and I waited, a little nervous as to where this conversation would go. “I thought that when you wanted me to come back that you wanted us to be together, a couple again.”

I put my hands on her cheeks to hold her still. “We do need to work on our relationship. I agree. But right now is about you getting healthy again. I don’t want you to feel any pressure about us. I don’t want to let the difficulties we’ve had get in the way of you getting better.”

“What makes you think they will?”

My hands dropped back to my sides. “This isn’t a good time for drama. And there’s been a lot of drama between us. It’s like what you said before…that we can’t keep making the same mistakes. So we just need to be careful.”

She was watching me, hardly masking her disappointment, fingering her compass while looking at me with wide eyes. “So it’s not because I pushed you away before?”

I shook my head. “No. This isn’t about shutting you out, Mia. It’s…it’s supposed to be your place, a little sanctuary. So you can get better.”

“And you won’t stay here with me…” Her voice was quiet, calm, but it shook just a little. It wasn’t hard to detect her hurt.

“Of course I will…when you want me to. But I think it’s really important that we stay positive and go slow.”

She raised her brows in surprise, but understanding was dawning in her eyes. “Go…slow?”

“So…one step at a time, okay? We have a long road ahead of us and a lot of time to cover that ground. But not today. We will figure this out but the most important thing right now is you—your health, your happiness and well-being…okay?”

She nodded slowly, not looking entirely on board with this plan. “I’m willing to give it a try…” she began quietly.

“Good.” I smiled

“But it might get lonely sometimes…” she started, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Hmmm…” I said, feigning deep thought. “You didn’t bring your little stuffed dog to keep you company?”

She smacked me on the arm with the back of her hand and we laughed. And not long after, we went down to the kitchen, hand in hand.

***

Emilia went in for her second round of chemotherapy a few days later. This time, Heath, and her two closest girlfriends, Alex and Jenna were there, along with her mother and me. But instead of going home to Heath’s afterward, and me having to dream up excuses for camping out on his couch all weekend, she came home with me, where she belonged.

Chapter Thirteen

Mia

“Meta-gaming or the Lives our Characters Lead, Without Us”—Posted on the blog of Girl Geek on February 15, 2014

I remember the first time I loaded a simulation game—you know, the ones where your characters actually simulate realistic life. They have a house, a job, relationships. All of these require work to maintain. Clean the house by getting your character to scrub the toilet. Get up at six a.m. to get dressed for work. It was hugely entertaining at first. I spent long hours those first few days pinned in front of the computer, clicking away while my own real-life dietary and cleaning needs were ignored. After that, I never touched the game again. I realized that my characters’ lives were more boring than even my own.

Not so with the other games we know and love. The exciting adventures, zooming through the streets of LA in a stolen car or careening through space exploring the universe in your own spaceship. Or…questing your way across Yondareth with a magical weapon in hand.

But what happens when we hit that log-off button? In the world of massively multiplayer roleplaying games, where thousands of people interact on a server, the world goes on, but our character vanishes from it until the next moment we log in. It’s like our character takes a little vacation from life, stepping into a stasis.