Not Anymore

 

 

The following morning, Ella Mae pronounced me well enough to go back to school. To tell the truth, I was dreading it. Even though being at home had been kind of boring, I had no idea what to expect from the people at school. Agnes told me that no one believed I was responsible for what happened to Tori, which was a relief. But at the same time, everyone knew I had been questioned. So far, Tori's killer was still out there, and some people were bound to suspect me just because I'd been brought in.

 

Something tugged at the back of mind. Why had they brought me in for questioning? There had to be something linking me to the crime, but I couldn't for the life of me remember what. When I asked Ella Mae about it, she said the fever must have caused some temporary memory loss. Apparently, the doctor told her it was a possible side effect. The trouble was – I didn't remember seeing any doctors.

 

I hated this feeling of constant forgetfulness. I had an idea about my life since I first came to Shadowford, but when I tried to recall conversations and specific events, everything got confusing.

 

“You coming?” Agnes stood outside the Shadowford van and waved me out. The ride to school had seemed short. My mind must have been wandering again. I was doing that a lot lately.

 

I walked toward the school with Agnes, pausing only for a moment to look up at the large stone demon statue. I remembered passing out by the statue my first day of school, and there was more, wasn't there? Some other connection to this statue I couldn't quite place.

 

“Are you sure you're okay to be back already?” Agnes said. “You seem kinda out of it.”

 

I shook my head slightly. “I'm fine. Just having a hard time remembering stuff, you know?”

 

“Well, hopefully you'll remember all the stuff you learned before you were out sick. I think you've got a calculus test today.”

 

I groaned and followed Agnes into the building.

 

For the most part, people were more polite than I expected. Sure, there were the whispers and some extra long glances my direction, but no one yelled at me or called me a murderer or anything obvious. The part of the day I'd been dreading, however, was lunch. When the lunch bell rang, I felt a twist in my stomach.

 

The cheerleaders. I didn't want to face them. What if they all blamed me for what happened to Tori?

 

I went through the line, then took the empty seat next to Agnes. I barely listened to the conversation around me, keeping my eye on the center table. I knew when they'd arrived. Everyone at the table turned to look, their stares lingering for a moment longer than you'd expect. That was the way it was with everyone when the cheerleaders walked into a room. It was like you couldn't take your eyes off them.

 

I set my burger down on the plate untouched. I couldn't eat anything. My stomach was in knots. I risked a look back and saw the three friends walking together toward their table. Brooke stopped mid-stride and looked straight at me. My mouth opened and I sucked in a gulp of air. I wanted to look away, but I froze instead.

 

Brooke turned to Lark and whispered something in her ear. Lark glanced my way, then motioned to Allison. All three of them were staring straight at me. I forced my gaze away.

 

“Oh my God, they're coming over,” Agnes whispered.

 

My eyes widened and all my muscles tensed.

 

“Harper Madison,” Brooke said. She was standing near my chair. So close the edge of her sweater brushed against my arm.

 

“Yes?” I took a deep breath and waited for the insults. The anger. The accusations.

 

“We need to talk,” Lark said. To my surprise, she reached over and grabbed my lunch tray. She started walking toward the center table with her friends, then turned back to me. “Come on.”

 

I shared a confused look with Agnes, then shrugged. “I guess I'll be back,” I told her.

 

Agnes looked from me to the group of cheerleaders. “Fine,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her. “Just go.”

 

Was she mad at me? Did she think they were asking me over there so they could be my friends? No way! These people were probably going to filet me and eat me for lunch. I started to explain it to her, but she had already turned away from me. Screw it. I had enough to worry about.

 

I grabbed my backpack and headed over to the popular table. Drake and Foster were already sitting down. I glanced at Drake, expecting him to ignore me as usual, but instead he stood up and pulled out a chair for me.

 

“Thanks,” I muttered. Maybe he was building me up so he could knock me down again. I sat.

 

Lark put my tray down and smiled. “You know, you don't have to eat this crap if you don't want to.”

 

Small talk? I was so confused. “I don't really like to get up early and make my own lunch,” I said. “It's easier to just get food here I guess.”

 

“I just mean that if you wanted, I could have my cook make something for you too,” she said.

 

“Her mom's got a private chef at the Mayor's mansion,” Allison said. “The food is amazing. She makes something for all of us.”

 

And they were including me? Had I accidentally stepped through some portal to an alternate dimension? What was going on here?

 

Another boy from the football team came over carrying a bunch of paper bags. “Hey,” he said. He smiled at me, then pulled out a plastic container. “Who had the turkey?”

 

“Me,” Allison said, reaching for it. “Harper, have you met the boys? This is Jerry. Then Foster there in the white shirt. And Drake in the blue.”

 

“She knows me,” Drake said. He raised his eyebrows at me, then smiled.

 

I half smiled, confused as hell. I wondered if they were working to make me feel comfortable so they could later embarrass me in front of everyone or what?

 

Jerry passed out the rest of the food and everyone sat down to eat.

 

“So Harper, we heard you've been real sick,” Brooke said. “How's your first day back at school?”

 

“We're so psyched to have you back,” Lark said. “My mom was telling me about the whole interview thing at the police station. I can't imagine how horrible that must have been for you. She was so angry the police brought you in like that.”

 

What whole interview thing? I didn't want to admit I had no idea what she was talking about.

 

“Yeah, that was crazy,” Brooke said. “Everyone knows you barely even knew Tori. Why would you know anything about what happened to her?”

 

“Exactly,” Allison said. “Totally ridiculous.”

 

I had no idea how to respond, so I sat quietly.

 

“What are your plans for this weekend, Harper?” Brooke looked at me expectantly.

 

The question threw me a bit. Why did she care? “I guess I'm just hanging around Shadowford as usual,” I said. “Nothing too exciting.”

 

“Are you planning to go to the game?” Drake asked.

 

“I guess. I think Shadowford girls always go.” When I first came to PHS, the people at this table were making fun of me for being a so-called 'Shadowford freak'. Now, however, they let the reference pass by without comment, as if it didn't bother them at all.

 

“Sweet,” Lark said. “But don't sit with those girls, okay? Come up and sit in our section.”

 

I nearly choked on my water. “Why are you guys being so nice to me?”

 

The table grew quiet and everyone stared at me like they had no idea what I was talking about.

 

“Why wouldn't we be nice?”

 

“Just a few weeks ago you were making fun of me right here at this table,” I said. I couldn't take it anymore. Being silent just wasn't my style. I had to know the truth. “So why are you being nice to me now? Because if you're just waiting for the right opportunity to make a fool out of me, I can just walk away right now.” I sounded a lot angrier than I intended. On the table, my fork rattled slightly on my tray. I slammed my hand over it to still the sound.

 

Lark was the first to speak. “I know we were totally rude that first week you were here. Tori could be kind of, well, bossy. She was upset with you over that whole ketchup incident. But now that Tori's gone, we all realize just how important it is to make up for the mistakes we've made.”

 

So that's all I was to them? A mistake they'd made? I couldn't sit around and be a pawn in their little games. I stood up, practically knocking my chair over backward.

 

“I need to get to class,” I said. “Thanks for the offer, but I'll just sit with Agnes tomorrow at the game if I decide to go.”

 

I took off before they had a chance to say anything else. Being nice to me was just their way of clearing their group conscience for being mean to me that first week, but how long was it really going to last? A couple of days? Then I'd go back to being the Shadowford reject that didn't deserve the time of day from any of them. Well, I didn't feel like being their little project of the week.

 

“Harper, hold up.”

 

I turned to see Drake striding toward me. I stood in the doorway and when he caught up to me, I stepped through to the courtyard. He walked beside me as I headed toward my next class.

 

“What happened back there? I thought you'd be happy,” he said.

 

“Happy that you guys are showing me charity?” I asked. “No thanks.”

 

“Whoa, what makes you think it's charity? I think things got off on the wrong foot between us, that's all. We were all hoping to make some changes. You know, extend the invitation for you to hang out or something.”

 

I stopped and turned to him. “You have to try to understand where I'm coming from here, Drake. You guys were all really mean to me my first week here. Then I get practically arrested and can't even remember why. And now, after being out sick with a terrible fever for a full week, I come back to find that you all are acting completely different toward me. How am I supposed to react? Eternally grateful that you're all descending from your thrones long enough to converse with a low-life like me?”

 

He put his palm on my cheek. I backed away, surprised, but he stepped forward and ran his fingertip along my chin line. “I was a real jerk to treat you like that,” he said softly. “I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but I'm willing to do anything it takes to convince you that I'm sincere.”

 

I swallowed hard. Was I overreacting?

 

“That first day we met in my sister's store, I thought you were beautiful,” he said. He took my hand in his and caressed the side of my index finger with his thumb. “I was wrong to judge you for where you lived. But I don't care about any of that anymore. After Tori died, we realized that life's too precious to judge people on stupid things like where they live or who their parents are. We all really felt bad about how we treated you. But it's more than that.”

 

“What do you mean?” My face tingled where his finger had been.

 

“There's just something about you,” he said. “You're different from everyone else. We all can feel it. You're special, Harper.”

 

Did he mean that? No one had ever spoken to me so warmly. It made my insides flutter.

 

“Harper?” I turned to see who had called my name. A guy with the clearest green eyes and brown, spiky hair was staring at me and Drake. I felt that familiar tickle at the back of my brain. I knew this guy from somewhere, but I couldn't remember his name.

 

“What do you want Jackson?” Drake asked.

 

“I wasn't talking to you Ashworth.” Jackson. It didn't ring a bell, yet he obviously knew who I was. “Do I know you?” I asked.

 

His face went pale. He looked from me to Drake and back again. His gaze went distant for a moment and his shoulders slumped slightly.

 

“Not really,” he said. “Not anymore.”

 

A sadness came over me that I didn't quite understand. Something in that guy's eyes had seemed so familiar. Like I'd known him in another life.

 

“Loser,” Drake mumbled, then turned his attention back to me. “So what do you say? Please come to the game and sit in the reserved section? Then come out with us after the game?”

 

What the hell? I nodded. “Sure,” I said. “Why not?”

 

I suddenly felt as though I had nothing more to lose.