The rest were patch members: Tray, Russo, Finn and Vince, all young looking guys with errands of their own. They all took the piss out of the prospects that were currently running around serving everybody drinks. One in particular was a twiggy young man they derogatorily called Broom. I think his real name was Steve.

I was surprised to find Frank was there, too, hovering in the background. The businessman who’d bought Mom’s furniture had sometimes invaded my thoughts. I got the impression he’d known her somehow. He didn’t really greet me. He just watched me with an unhappy look on his face.

Then, of course, there was Manny – though everybody just called him Prez. The man didn’t have a friendly bone in his body, but I suppose intimidation is key if you’re the president of a testosterone fuelled biker club, so I tried not to take it personally. I didn’t like being watched by his iridescent blue eyes. It made me self-conscious and a little afraid, especially when he wore his frown like a permanent feature.

I kept to Remy’s side and he eventually led us to a round table where he plopped down on the chair and forced me in his lap. There were a ridiculous amount of looks our way, curious eyes lingering over the muscled arm around my waist. It’s not that I was uncomfortable sitting on him, it’s more I read into the message he was sending to everyone around us. That I was his. In my heart I knew I wasn’t. But what choice did I have? It was a difficult situation that would have humiliated him if I’d tried to get away.

As the night progressed into loud music and alcohol, I quickly learned that the men I’d grown up fearing and staying away from were normal everyday people. Yeah, there was more to it than that, but you could see they were bound by a brotherhood that went far deeper than running a club, doing illegal shit, and riding motorcycles. It was family. There was love here.

It was easy to sit back and admire it, and after being so alone for so long, a little bit of me wanted to be part of it, too. I wanted to feel that kind of love and be welcomed into the family. The allure was deeply present. I was falling further into the rabbit hole where a fucked up yet amazingly soulful reality existed. Only I knew deep down it wasn’t where I belonged, but desperation made me want to try.

By evening, a crowd of people flooded into the clubhouse. A handful of them were hangarounds looking for a place in the club. The others were scantily clad women clearly in search of a bikie to root. They were the regulars who already had their guys picked out. I went tense watching a few them look around the room in search of a particular face. Any second I was waiting for Remy to be approached by his own regular.

It’s not my business if he wants a woman, I thought. He hadn’t pressed me at all for anything sexual, thank God. I couldn’t think of anything more awkward than having to turn him down if he’d made a move. After a while I was paranoid that his wanting more from me was something I’d conjured up in my head. Although it gave me relief at the possibility, I knew how small it was. He’d put me on his lap, dammit. That was statement enough. But whether he was a faithful type of guy or not, I didn’t know.

I was introduced to a couple other old ladies: Dayna who belonged to Manny, and Tessa who belonged to Wilson. They never shut up. As they talked to me, Remy left to join with the men around the bar, sidling up next to Logan and Fritz. I discreetly noticed a handful of women were looking over at him, and they slowly eased their way around the three men.

Not my business, my brain reiterated. I was in love with another man. I shouldn’t be feeling anything for Remy. It was wrong. Purely needy emotions based on my four weeks of solitude and his undying attention to me...that he suddenly wasn’t giving me.

I excused myself from Tessa and Dayna and went to the toilet. There I sat for a long period of time listening in on the voices flooding from all areas of the clubhouse. An absurd amount of giggles from an absurd amount of women had me rolling my eyes. Just what did these women find so appealing about sleeping with men who clearly put them in the root-zone? They were nothing more than a no strings attached fuck. Just like what you were to Daniel, I bitterly piped in. Wow, I just totally got owned… by myself. Could there be anything sadder?

I hadn’t thought about Daniel in a long while. Not since the night Remy had told me what a deceiving little snake he was. I wished that whole arrangement had never happened. I was a stupidly naïve girl, but that was another lifetime ago, and I was changing into someone else all over again.

I left the bathroom after some time. When I re-entered the room, I found a hell of a lot more women centred around Remy and Logan. Fritz was nowhere to be seen. With Remy’s back to me, I didn’t know if he was staring at the women in front of him dancing provocatively, or at Logan. The second a manicured hand from a beautiful brunette trailed her fingers down his arm, I decided to get away.

I hurried up the second level and to Remy’s room. The music was muffled up here, but the sounds of sex were loud as hell from a couple rooms. This was obviously the not so tasteful side of the Jackals.

Inside the room, I stood with my back against the door feeling like Ugly Sara all over again; lost and alone even when I had been surrounded by people. How the fuck did that make any sense? He left you to be with his friends and those girls… I wanted to shut my brain up. Stupid, needy Sara.

I pulled out some clothes from the dresser that Remy had placed for me. They weren’t over the top, thank God. Just normal, oversized bum jammies I felt comfortable in. I unbuttoned my jeans and went to pull them down, but a crinkly sound had me stopping abruptly. The second I stopped moving, the noise went away. So I tried again, pulling my jeans down and hearing, once more, a crinkly noise.

I placed my hand over the pockets of my jeans. The right one bulged noticeably and crinkled loudly when I pushed against it. Bewildered, I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. I’d never felt the bulge or heard the noise before in the last few hours. Where had the paper come from?

I turned on the light and hastily unwrapped the neatly folded up little square. Once it was opened, I stared down at a phone number… but my heart raced at the line beneath it.

Call this number, Tiny.

Tiny. My eyes immediately watered and my hands shook. Only one person ever called me Tiny. Was it him? Oh, God, it had to be him!

My body was racing with anxiety and purpose. I looked around the room, unable to think rationally and seeking only one thing: a phone!