‘AW-IN,’ said Chadani Imelda, looking so like her mother even Issy couldn’t help smiling.

‘Why can’t the two of you just talk it through?’

‘We can’t,’ sighed Issy. ‘This is a huge, huge deal they’re offering him. Whereas the way things are in London, he might not even have a job for much longer. He doesn’t feel he can turn it down for me. And I don’t think I can destroy the Cupcake Café for him. Which makes me think …’ At this, Issy started to cry huge, racking, choking sobs, ‘… which means we can’t love each other enough.’

Helena shook her head. ‘You do. Of course you do. But you’re human beings, and it’s not a movie. You can’t just dump everything and run off into the sunset. Life gets in the way. There’s love and then there’s things that are practical. You both have responsibilities. You have employees who rely on you, and he has Darny to look after.’

‘Nobody ever looks after me,’ said Issy.

‘Well, that’s just self-pitying bollocks,’ said Helena. ‘And completely unfair given how much time we all gave up to help you open that stupid café in the first place.’

‘Oh yes,’ said Issy. ‘Sorry about that.’

She sighed and drank more wine.

‘I was so happy, though, Leens. I thought I was tired and a bit stressed out and always super-busy and up at the crack of dawn and everything with the café, but … actually, when I think about it, I had everything.’

‘That’s the ludicrous thing about happiness,’ said Helena. ‘You never know you’re going through it at the time.’

Chadani Imelda hit her mother on the leg, rather hard.

‘Apparently these are the happiest days of my life.’

‘Oh yes, we’re in our prime,’ said Issy.

‘I’ll consider myself in my prime when I stop getting spots,’ said Helena.

‘And my heart broken,’ said Issy.

‘And eating fish fingers.’

‘And learn self-control,’ said Issy, pouring them both another glass.

‘Bottoms up!’ said Helena.

‘You haven’t even compared me to some kid that’s getting its leg chopped off yet, like you used to when you worked in the hospital,’ said Issy.

‘Oh GOD, I am SO HAPPY WITHOUT A JOB AND NO SENSE OF PURPOSE OR DIRECTION IN MY LIFE!’ shouted Helena, startling Chadani, who nonetheless burst out into giggles too.

‘Ha, you girls sound happy,’ said Ashok, opening the door to the sounds of hysterical laughter.

Issy and Helena looked at one another, then burst out laughing again. They only stopped when Issy accidentally burst into tears. Helena swallowed, then realised how drunk she was.

‘Jet lag,’ she tried to explain, but it didn’t come out quite right.

Ashok came over and kissed her. He was slightly perturbed by all the empty bottles, but he hadn’t heard Helena laugh like that in a long time, and Chadani seemed quiet for once, so perhaps on balance it was a pretty good thing.

‘Hello, Issy,’ he said. His face lit up. ‘Did you …’

‘Bring you some cakes? I know, I know, that’s all I’m good for …’

‘ASHOK!’ Helena tried to whisper, but she wasn’t used to the booze and couldn’t keep her voice down. ‘Be sensitive! Issy’s just split up with Austin!’

‘Not officially,’ said Issy.

Ashok picked up Chadani, who had cruised her way towards him, and gave her a huge cuddle and a kiss.

‘This is not possible,’ he said sternly. ‘You have not split up. You cannot. It is unacceptable to me.’

‘I should have tried saying that,’ said Issy, gulping.

‘So. What was it? Something ridiculous? And small? Did he tell another woman she looked nice? Did he not buy you a thoughtful present for your birthday? Men are not always perfect, you know.’

‘Are you diagnosing our relationship?’ said Issy.

‘Sometimes it is useful to take a dispassionate view,’ said Ashok.

‘Oh, it is definitely dispassionate,’ said Issy. ‘It definitely definitely is that. He has a job in America. I have a job here. He has to move to America to do his amazing job there, otherwise he’ll probably lose the one he has here. I have a quasi-successful business running on a long lease that employs three people but can’t manage without me. What’s the outlook, Doctor?’

‘Well, one of you will have to move,’ said Ashok stubbornly, nuzzling Chadani’s neck. ‘Look at this. This is happiness. You deserve happiness.’

Helena snorted loudly. ‘Happiness and lots and lots of stinky laundry.’

Chadani giggled and squirmed in her father’s arms, and Issy wanted to cry again.

‘Well, I can’t and he can’t,’ she said. ‘This isn’t north and south London. This is real life, with real choices and real consequences, and we both figured the sooner we faced up to that the better.’

‘There is always a way,’ frowned Ashok.

‘Well, yes,’ said Issy. ‘If I wait five billion years, the tectonic plates will eventually fuse together and I’ll be able to cycle over to his apartment …’

She was off again. Ashok patted her on the shoulder and Helena rushed up with more wine and some tissues.

‘I’ve got a great idea,’ she said. ‘Let’s have a wonderful Christmas, all together. A big party, here.’

‘Here?’ sniffed Issy.

Helena looked innocent. ‘I just thought it would be lovely to get everyone together at Christmas time. Chadani’s aunties could all squeeze in, and you could see if Pearl and Louis want to come, and—’

‘Not everyone would fit in here,’ said Issy.

‘But think how wonderful it would be, all together,’ said Helena. ‘So happy, such a great way to take your mind off everything.’

‘But you don’t have a big enough table!’ said Issy.

‘Oh, so we don’t,’ said Helena. ‘If only we knew of somewhere nearby with great big ovens and loads of tables …’

‘I’m not cooking Christmas lunch for six thousand people,’ said Issy.

‘Just think of how wonderful it would be to be surrounded by the people who care for you and love you,’ said Helena relentlessly.