“When he isn’t being a jerk, a whore, or a drunk, he really is such an awesome guy. He’s just so lost right now. If I tell him about the baby, he’s either going to freak out or blame me. I just know it.”

Dee looks at me with unconcealed pity. It would anger me, but I know she is coming from the right place. It’s a no-win situation, but it’s my no-win situation. I can’t sit here and bitch about it, hoping for her to fix my problems. No, it’s all on me, and it’s time I man up and do something about it. I can’t move on from this hole I’ve seemed to dig for myself until I start to build the ladder to climb back up.

And that starts and ends with Asher.

“I’m here if you need me, but please tell him soon. I look at him and it’s like looking in the mirror sometimes. He needs something to hold on to, Chelcie. He needs to know that his life is worth more than this misguided path of vengeance and self-destruction.”

I nod my head and make a promise to myself to get Asher alone—and sober—and finally let him know about the baby.

***

Why am I doing this? I wonder, looking at my reflection in the mirror for the ten thousandth time.

It’s Saturday night, and for some ungodly reason, I let Dee talk me into going on a blind date. Why she thinks I should be dating being almost four months pregnant is beyond me. No man is going to look at all of this lovely baggage I’m carrying around and think that this is a sure bet.

The phone starts ringing right when I finish applying the last of my makeup. After making my way down the short hallway and into the living/dining room of my apartment, I quickly grab the phone before it rolls over to voicemail.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you! Are you excited for your date tonight?” Dee’s voice comes through the phone thick with excitement.

“Uh, no. You know I don’t want to be doing this, Dee. I don’t see the point. It’s not like I can hide the fact that I’m pregnant if I plan on seeing him again. I would feel dishonest not telling him.”

She pauses for a second. “It doesn’t have to be the focus of your date, Chelc. Just because you’re about to have a perfect little bundle of love doesn’t mean that defines your life. You deserve to be happy too. I know you don’t want to go out with Nikolas tonight, but he’s really a nice guy. Who knows? You might hit it off, and then you can thank me at your wedding.” She snickers when she finishes, and I can just picture her laughing at herself.

Ever since Dee and Beck worked out their issues—and boy, there were some heavy issues—she’s gone from being lukewarm about relationships to being a walking, talking advocate. She’s happy, so she wants everyone else around her to feel the same happiness and love that she does.

I’ve got to give her some credit though. She really lucked out with John Beckett, and I would probably feel the same way if I were in her shoes. The love that those two have for each other is almost too much to watch.

“Jesus, Dee. I just don’t think this is the right time, you know?” I complain. Even to my own ears, I just sound like I’m bitching. Which I am.

“Yeah, and when will be the right time? When the baby is here? When the baby is older? When you’re seventy? I get it. Really, I do. But you can’t just keep living your life, working, and sitting at home.”

“I don’t just sit at home,” I bristle.

“Ah, yeah, you do.”

I can feel myself getting frustrated with this conversation, and the last thing I want to do is snap at Dee when she is clearly just trying to do something nice. Even if it is unwarranted.

“I do other things,” I weakly argue.

“HA! Like what?” The challenge is clear in her words.

“I…uh… The other day, I…”

Shit. She’s right. There really isn’t much I do. I work with her. I go to weekly dinners with the group. I help—er, used to help—Asher. And I write.

“I know!” I yelp a little too loud. “I went to my first creative writing class the other day!” I throw my fist up in the air, realizing that I have her there.

Writing has always been a passion of mine. Nothing I’ve ever had the guts to pursue at a deeper level other than dabbling. It wasn’t until everything with Coop happened that I realized just how precious life was. From that day on, I’ve made a point to work on things I’ve always been afraid to try. I might never do anything with the book I’ve been working on for the last four years, but it’s there, and more importantly, it makes me happy.