“Do you...” I felt him take a deep breath before clearing his throat. “Do you need help with the hair too?”

I nodded, unsure that I could verbalize. I let out a sigh as his hands moved through my hair, gently releasing individual strands, one at a time.

“Do you love him?” he asked so quietly I wasnʼt certain he had spoken at all.

“Who?”

“Iʼm not as stupid as you think I am, Scout. I see the way you look at each other, the way you are around him.”

“I...I donʼt think youʼre stupid. And I have no idea what youʼre talking about.” My heart tripped out a rhythm that betrayed me.

He turned me so that we were standing face to face. I clutched the top of my dress in both hands, holding it in place.

“I could love you better. Iʼll give you anything you want, whatever it takes to make you happy. Can he say the same?”#

I looked into Charlieʼs eyes and realized Talley was right. It was possible to love two people at the same time, but it wasnʼt possible to keep them both. Standing there in the dark hallway with my prom dress half-on, feeing the heat of Charlieʼs body warming mine, I made the hardest decision of my life.

Chapter 18

Charlieʼs truck was gone when I left for church the next morning. I wasnʼt surprised, but I was disappointed. I wanted him to be there, acting as if nothing had happened, as if I hadnʼt broken his heart along with everything we had together.

“Please, Scout,” he begged me. I had seen that pained expression on his face countless times over the years, but never before had I been the cause of it. I hated myself more in that moment than I had ever hated anyone or anything. “Please, just think about it. You donʼt have to decide anything right now.”

But he was wrong. And I didnʼt regret my decision. What Alex and I shared was preternaturally right. I couldnʼt give him up no more than I could give up breathing. Did that mean that I loved Charlie any less? No. It just meant I couldnʼt be with him.

And that sucked.

I donʼt know what I said, or even if I said anything at all. I do know that I ran away like the coward I am and locked myself in the bathroom, seeking solace in the sanctuary of the shower for as long as the hot water held out.

Our Sunday morning sermon focused on the sins of the flesh, Reverend Jessup assuring us that those who gave into the temptations of alcohol, drugs, and sex would burn eternally in the fiery pits of hell. I donʼt think I was just imagining that the preacherʼs eyes kept returning to the empty space on the pew next to me where Jase should have been sitting.

I spent the rest of the day hiding in my bedroom, though not so well Angel couldnʼt find me.

She danced around my room with Guido, demanding a blow by blow account of prom night.

She didnʼt leave me alone until we heard Jase stumble in just after noon. Angry voices floated up through the air vents almost immediately. While Dadʼs lecture hit the relevant points of underage drinking, breaking curfew, and irresponsible behavior, Mom seemed fixated on the fact that she wouldnʼt be able to return Jaseʼs tux to the rental place. That was just too much for Angel to handle. She bounded out the door to witness the action first hand. I was half tempted to follow, but knew all I had to do was wait. Sure enough, it wasnʼt long before there was a light tapping at my door.

“Scout?” Jase came shuffling in, shutting the door behind him. His hair was fairly comical -

half of it matted against his head and the other half sticking straight out - but it paled in comparison to his tux. Someone must have scrounged up one of those on-the-go bleach pens and used it on the pants and jacket.

“Fun night?”

“So I hear,” he said dropping onto my bed. “I donʼt really remember anything after dinner.

Strike that. I remember a sadistic clown torturing teenagers with the Spice Girls before chopping them all to bits.”

“The auditory torture I remember, but the mutilation isnʼt ringing any bells.”

“It was coming. Promise.”

Jase curled up into the fetal position and threw a pillow over his eyes. When I thought he had fallen asleep, or possibly slipped into a coma, I turned my attention back to my calculus book. I was still staring blankly at the page, attempting to remember the last step that made sense, when Jase asked, “Whereʼs Charlie?”

“I donʼt know.” My best guess had him burning a picture of me in effigy.

Jase threw off the pillow, sat up, and winced at the light in the room. “What do you mean you donʼt know? What happened?”

“Nothing,” I lied.

I wondered if Charlie would tell him. Last year, when Charlie found out Crystal Hobbs had been cheating on him with an enlisted guy, Jase pulled him through that first tough weekend with nonstop gaming and multiple assurances that he was better off without that skanky bitch.

What would he do now that I was the skanky bitch?

I felt as wretched as Jase looked. My guilt and broken heart almost convinced me to cancel my plans for the evening. I wasnʼt a hundred percent certain I would go through with it until Talley pulled into the driveway.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked, turning down the painfully cheerful song she had been jamming to. I had my head pressed to the passenger side window, watching the new buds on the trees become a green blur against the blue sky. “He will understand if you back out. No one expects you to do this just to prove how brave you are or how okay you are with all this or whatever it is that youʼre trying to do.”

I peeled myself off the window. “Of course I want to do this. Iʼm excited.” Talleyʼs eyebrows rose skeptically. “Once more, with feeling.”

“Iʼm not scared.” I punched the power button on the radio, unable to endure another second of pop music. “I...” I took in a lung full of air. “Charlie let me know that I had options last night.” The car swerved over the double yellow line, then jerked back into our lane with enough force to slam me against the seatbelt.

“He did what?!?” Talley was trying to divide her attention equally between me and the serpentine road. I was too depressed to fear for my life.

“I think I really hurt him, Tal. He just looked so... broken.”

“You told him no?”

I nodded as a single tear slipped free.

Talley let the information soak in before replying. “Well, now everyone knows where they stand. Thatʼs good.” She noted my expression and amended that. “Well, itʼs not good good.