He grimaced. “I have an idea.”

“What?”

“He’s in love with you.”

I wrinkled my forehead. “No he’s not. He’s not capable.”

Jack leaned forward. “Trust me, Becks. I know exactly what loving you looks like on a person. And he loves you.”

My face went warm and I looked away. If only Jack were talking about now, and not before. I shook my head. “There has to be something more to it.”

Jack put his chin on the palm of his hand. “Well, let’s find out.”

“How?”

He raised his eyes to meet mine, a shy little smile on his face, so different from his usual confident grin. “We’ll spend time together. And let Cole know it.”

I lowered my eyes as butterflies swirled all around in my stomach. He pulled out his wallet and put a five-dollar bill on the table. “C’mon. We can make it back for seventh if we leave now. I’ve got calculus.”

TWENTY-ONE

NOW

School. One month, three weeks left.

The silence on the ride back to school felt like a warm blanket, now that so many secrets had been shared between the two of us. We got to school in time for last period. When I walked into the art studio, Cole—wearing his Neal disguise—was standing in front of the easel next to mine.

“Cole,” I said, stopping a few feet away. Cole gave me a smile and raised his eyebrows. “It’s Neal, actually. Nikki, right?”

I didn’t answer, and turned to my canvas. Mr. Tanner told the class to quiet down and start sketching. I put my pencil up to the canvas, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything except the fact that Cole was suddenly in my art class.

A couple of girls on the other side of Cole whispered back and forth, shooting him curious stares. He had a smirk on his face that told me he knew he was the center of attention.

“Boy, drawing is so hard,” he muttered loudly.

One of the girls leaned toward him and said, “I could help you with that, Neal.”

I rolled my eyes and watched the clock anxiously for the rest of the hour. My canvas remained empty. As soon as the bell rang, I shot out the door. Cole trailed after me, whistling one of the Dead Elvises’ songs.

As we approached my locker, I could see Jack waiting, leaning against the locker next to mine, his thumbs hooked in his pockets. Cole put his arm around my shoulders. I let him.

“Afternoon, Caputo,” Cole said.

Jack’s face remained a cool mask. “Hello, Cole. Becks.”

Cole froze at Jack’s casual use of his real name. His arm dropped from my shoulders. I couldn’t help but smile.

Jack looked at me. “I’ll see you in Mrs. Stone’s room, Becks. You’re coming, right? Mythology paper?”

I nodded. Just before he sauntered away, Jack winked at me and slapped Cole hard on the shoulder. “See you around, Neal.”

I didn’t look at Cole as I shifted my bag higher up on my shoulder. I was having a hard time acting as casual as Jack. I said, “Well, see you later.”

He grabbed my elbow. “You told him?” The anger in his voice was evident.

“Yes.”

“And he believed you?”

I looked up. “Yes.”

Cole narrowed his eyes. “You told him everything?”

Uh-oh. “Yes,” I lied. Cole studied my face for a moment, and I yanked my arm free. “I have to go.”

I turned and started to walk away, but before I took three steps Cole called out from behind me. “He doesn’t know about you leaving, does he.” It was a statement, not a question.

I tried not to falter as I ignored him and continued down the hall.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” he said. “You don’t want him to know!”

I couldn’t shake the chill as I rounded the corner. There was no way I was ready for Jack to know the truth about the Tunnels coming for me.

I heard loud footsteps behind me as Cole ran to catch up.

“Wait, Nik. Please hear me out.”

I turned to face him.

“How can you trust Jack?”

He had to be kidding. I sighed and turned, but he grabbed my shoulder.

“Nik, you know what he did to you,” Cole said softly. “You know what you saw at the dorm. The night you decided to go under with me.” I closed my eyes. “Are you sure you’re betting on the right guy? I would never hurt you like that.”

I shook his hand off my shoulder, realizing for the first time just how much Cole may have contributed to my fall. I’d seen at the Christmas Dance how Cole could influence people’s moods.

“Stop pretending you had nothing to do with my decision. I know what you can do.” I remembered how Cole’s breath had washed over me on my front porch right before I’d left for Jack’s dorm. I was sure now he had the ability to influence my emotions. “You made me doubt him.”

LAST YEAR

Two days before the Feed.

I never thought I would care whether or not the man who was driving the car that struck and killed my mother was convicted of manslaughter. My mother was still dead. Verdict or no verdict.

But the day the jury came back with their decision, I realized how wrong I’d been.

I heard the news at school. Kevin Reid was going free. Case dismissed on a technicality. The blood-alcohol test had been tampered with.

I left school early, and when I got home, I could hear my father’s voice coming from the bedroom. He was on the phone. I was about to call his name, but then I heard what he was saying.

“… Our official response is that we have faith in the legal system we have been given and will accept the outcome our system produces.”

He was quiet for a minute.

I didn’t realize I was frozen in place in the hallway. His bedroom door was open a crack, and so I pushed it open further. My dad turned to look at me, smiled, blinked his eyes, and nodded his head. I knew that look. It was the practiced look of sympathy he would pull when questioning a victim in front of a jury.

He held up a finger as he continued his end of the conversation. “We have no plans to appeal. At this point, the only way my family will move forward is if we forgive—”

I threw my backpack at him. Without warning. It hit him in the face before I even realized it’d left my hands. He looked at me with a stunned expression, and for a moment the only sound in the room came from my heavy breathing. How could he talk about forgiveness?

“Lemme call you back, Phil. ’Kay?” He didn’t wait for Phil’s response; he just snapped his phone shut. “Nikki? What the hell was that all about?”

“Reid!” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“He got off, Nikki. You knew this was a possibility.”

I knew it. But nobody believed it would actually happen. “There’s got to be something we can do. He can’t get away with it.”

My dad sighed and sat on the edge of his bed, patting the spot beside him. “Sit down, Nikki.”

“I’m fine,” I said. “Who were you talking to on the phone just now?”

“Phil at the Trib.”

“He’s going to run it in the paper? That we forgive him?”

He nodded. “Nikki, the entire town has been affected by this whole thing because of my position as mayor. It needs to be known that we trust in the legal system. And with the election coming up…” His voice trailed off.

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “I get it. You look good if you lie.”

He stood up and walked toward me, his hand outstretched. “Nikki. Your mother would’ve wanted us to stand together. We’ll never heal until we forgive.”

I slapped his hand away. “You don’t know what she would’ve wanted. You’d have to actually be here to know her.” He winced, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Good luck sleeping tonight.”

I left him standing there, looking at the hand I’d slapped. He didn’t call after me.

I didn’t know where to go. Jules was in Vancouver with her family for spring break. Besides, Jack was really the only person who would understand.

I didn’t give myself a chance to change my mind. I grabbed my keys and headed out the door, almost running into Cole on the porch.

“Whoa, Nik. You okay?” His brow creased in concern.

“Cole.” I brushed the tears off my cheeks. “What are you doing here?”

He held up the T-shirt he’d been carrying. “Wanted to show you the latest design, but it looks like now’s not a good time.”

“I’m sorry, but I have to go. I have to see Jack.”

I started past him, but he grabbed my arm. “Wait. Can I do anything?”

“No. Thanks. But I need to go.”

“Of course.” He put both hands on my shoulders and pulled me toward him so we were face-to-face. “Drive safely, okay?”

I nodded, unable to think clearly with him so close. “Umm … thanks. I’ll see you later, okay?”

He released my arms and then I jumped in my car, trying to ignore the sudden niggling feeling in the back of my mind that it might not be a good idea to crash Jack’s football camp unannounced. I pushed the thought aside. Once the engine started, I blasted music and began the hour-long drive to the dorms at Utah State University.

By the time I got to Logan, my ears were ringing. I had to admit my resolve was shaken a little, but not enough to convince me to turn around and go back.

I wasn’t sure what Jack would tell me. Who he would side with. He’d been the one who always tried to talk to me about Reid’s trial, but I never wanted to. Now that I knew Reid was free to go home to his wife and kids and heal his fractured family, while we were all left broken… I couldn’t take it.

I drove to Henley Hall. I didn’t know where Jack was staying, beyond the name of the dormitory that housed the team year after year.

The thought of burying my head in Jack’s chest, his arms wrapped around my waist, kept me from searching for a legal parking space. I pulled into the handicapped spot closest to the building. Who cared if I got a ticket? It would go on my dad’s insurance.

A storm was brewing, and tiny little ice flakes danced in the bitter wind. My long-sleeved tee offered no protection, and the ten seconds it took me to sprint to the bottom doors were painful with the cold.

I threw the door open and darted inside, running into the broad shoulders of Brent Paxton. Linebacker. In charge of protecting his quarterback.

“Hey! Nikki? What are you doing here?” He seemed anxious about my being there, and I remembered this was a boys-only dorm. But I didn’t care.

“Where’s Jack?” I started for the stairs behind Brent, ready to search the building. Brent stepped in front of me.

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Look, I know I’m breaking rules.” My voice cracked and I could feel my eyes getting wetter. “But I need Jack. Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” He wasn’t looking me in the eye.

Ky Wilson came bounding down the stairs at that moment. “Did I hear someone of the female persuasion… Oh, hey, Nikki.”

I didn’t bother with pleasantries. “Where’s Jack?”

“Offense up. Defense down.” He thumbed in the direction behind him. Brent cleared his throat behind me and caught Ky’s eye. “What?” Ky asked.

I didn’t stick around to hear Ky get in trouble for helping the girlfriend. I took the steps two at a time. On the second floor, a couple of players were hanging out in the hallway. And a few cheerleaders. Most of the doors were open.

I asked the first person I saw. A freshman. I didn’t know his name. “Jack Caputo’s room. Where is it?”

“There,” he said, pointing down the hall. “Two thirty-seven.”

“Thanks.”

So close. So close. I walked as fast as I could, ignoring the many stares. Settle down, everyone. I wasn’t trying to crash the cool kids’ party. I just wanted my boyfriend.

I stopped outside 237, and suddenly I didn’t know what to do. Knock? Throw the door open? That same uneasy feeling gnawed at my insides. I decided to knock. There were probably two to a room, and I didn’t want to walk in on a half-naked player.

I raised my fist to knock, but then I saw the handle turn. The door slowly creaked open. It was dark inside the room. A figure appeared, with her back to the hallway, her long dark hair reaching almost to the waistband of her silk shorts. I knew that hair. It belonged to Lacey Greene. She tiptoed backward out of the room, as if she were trying not to disturb whoever was inside. I had to step aside so she wouldn’t back into me. She turned the handle as she closed the door, so it wouldn’t make a click.

The hallway had gotten very quiet. Lacey turned around, and when she saw me right in front of her, she let out a tiny yelp. Then she smiled. How was it that girls like Lacey could recover their composure so quickly?

“Jack’s room?” I whispered.