Ella seemed to be taking the story in stride as if she knew all this already, but he had to tell her everything. Things he knew even the press hadn’t gotten wind of. “I may not have threatened her, but I was a total asshole to her. I wanted her to hate me, to think I was so despicable she wouldn’t dream of having a child with me. I was so afraid of losing Bianca I was a fucking prick to Shelley.” Those last words seethed through his teeth. “So when Andy had someone call her anonymously and threaten to blackmail her, she went to the tabloids and sold her story.”

Felix let out a sharp breath. He hadn’t touched his dinner yet, and he was slowly losing his appetite, having to revisit this part of his life. Again Ella waited quietly for him to continue.

“This was right around the time everything went down with Gio and Bianca. When all that happened, I was certain Bianca cheating on me was karma for all the bad I’d done, for the way I’d treated Shelley, and for the way I’d lived my life up until I met Bianca. So I apologized to Shelley. I explained about not knowing she’d been threatened and that I’d be there for the baby if she decided to keep it. I never asked her to recant her story. I figured it didn’t matter. Everyone thought I was an asshole including me. But she recanted on her own. And she’d already decided she was keeping the baby.

“The only thing I asked of her was that she please keep as low a profile as possible and not give interviews. She was more than happy to oblige. She disappeared for her entire pregnancy back to her parent’s ranch in a small town in Nebraska. I visited her often. But I’d fly out to an airport hours away under an alias and drive there. I went to most of her doctor appointments and listened to the baby’s heartbeat.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if it was the fact that she was having my baby and each time I heard that heartbeat or felt him kicking I’d get that much more excited. Maybe it was just that she turned out to be a sweet girl after all, but my feelings for her grew with each visit. Each time I left to visit her I wasn’t just excited about the baby anymore. I was excited about spending time with her too. When it got close to her due date, I checked us into a hotel near the hospital under fake names.”

Felix sat up a little straighter, remembering this part with conviction. The only time in his life when privacy suddenly meant everything, he’d gone from not giving a shit what the public knew about him to suddenly wanting complete anonymity. At least when it came to his child.

Ella wasn’t eating anymore either. She appeared to be hanging on his every word. For a moment, Felix thought maybe he should’ve waited until after they’d eaten, but he was already this far into it, so he continued.

“Everything was covered up. We’d agreed early on our baby would not be subjected to the media circus and tabloids in any way. Especially all the stuff surrounding Shelley’s pregnancy when the word first got out. I’d spend every penny I had to make sure of that. No one outside my family and closest friends would even know his name, and if I could keep the fact that I’d even had a child a secret until he was old enough to decide whether he wanted anyone to know, then I would. That baby—my son—suddenly meant everything, and I’d stop at nothing to protect him. I loved him so much before he was even born.”

He stopped to swallow hard. He had to. Ella glanced nervously at the sliding door that opened up to the room from which the mantel was visible. He knew she must have been wondering about the baby. Obviously, Felix didn’t have a kid, so she already knew things hadn’t gone as planned. His heart was already feeling that familiar ache it had for so long. The one he’d only managed to drown out with drugs and alcohol. The brutal hand he often felt squeezing his throat was there again. This was why he hadn’t wanted to tell her sooner, not because he didn’t want her to know, but because he didn’t think he could tell her without falling apart, and he’d been right.

Standing up suddenly, he saw her flinch. “I need a second,” he managed to whisper, picking up his untouched plate. “Just a second.”

He rushed inside, feeling the agonizing fist at his throat continue to squeeze tighter with every breath and prayed she wouldn’t come after him. Not until he could get his shit together.

Chapter 16

Ella

Minutes passed or it could’ve been seconds. Ella wasn’t sure. Time could’ve stood still for all she knew, but she sat there with her heart at her throat, afraid to move. She’d seen grown men cry before. Her father and her brother had both done so when her mother died and then during the whole Sonia thing. But somehow this felt worse. It wasn’t just the pain of losing someone. She heard something else in Felix’s voice and saw it in his eyes. He was feeling something beyond just the obvious pain of losing his son. There was something deeper.

She let a few more minutes pass before she stood up, picking up her plate and half-empty glass of wine. The steps she took into his house and toward the kitchen were slow and cautious. He’d asked for time, and she’d given it to him, but she also knew when she was needed. And right now he needed her.

They were barely audible, but she heard them: his footsteps. He was pacing slowly. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before turning the corner into the kitchen. He stopped when he saw her. His pained eyes were still red and moist, and his hands were at his head. He ran his fingers through his hair roughly but said nothing.

Ella ambled slowly to the sink and set the plate and glass down then turned and took the few steps to him, wrapping her arms around him. Felix immediately hugged her tightly. She felt his body shake softly against hers.