Sometimes I made myself sick.

I dropped her off at her car at work a little after dinnertime. She grabbed her bag and her jacket and muttered a halfhearted ‘thank you.’

I didn’t reply and I drove home.

So… No sex. No alcohol. My two favorite ways to cope were closed off to me. I hadn’t lit up in ages, but I had to admit I was tempted to fire up a joint. Instead, I changed clothes, went to the gym and worked out for hours until I was numb and ready to fall down from exhaustion.

Chapter 15

April

I stepped into the apartment feeling deflated. It had been a long day, and for all the good cheer and humor with which it had started out…it sure ended on a sour note. Jordan had said little else after lashing out at me. I’d gotten too close—I saw that now. His defenses were quick and impenetrable, and when he detected that I’d seen a weakness, he shoved me far away.

Just when I thought we’d started to make some sort of headway to…whatever this was. Boss/employee? Mutual co-lusters? Friends who kiss each other and hand out the occasional orgasm? Or maybe merely my unrequited crush on the surly man.

I knew I should try my best to keep it strictly professional. Reminded myself yet again to keep my distance.

And I must not…definitely must not remember how it had felt to wake up with my head on his shoulder. His hard, solid, wonderful-smelling shoulder.

I gulped. I was in a pool of crap and headed toward the deep end.

I walked into our bedroom to find Sid in bed, her iPad propped on her knees, FaceTiming one of her many relatives who lived on the other coast.

I pulled off my clothes and changed for bed.

After finishing her conversation, she set her iPad aside. “Hey…looks like you had a long day. Are you hungry?”

I sighed. “No, not really. I want to play some DE. Did I tell you I’m almost level five?”

She laughed. “Only about five times.” She tossed her pillow at me. “Newb!”

I stuck out my tongue and blew a raspberry.

“How was Santa Barbara?”

“Ugh. Too damn far away.” I tried to ignore the sting I still felt from Jordan’s tongue-lashing. I knew I shouldn’t take it personally. His family had ambushed him, and he’d been upset and embarrassed. But he was so prickly and unpredictable sometimes. It rankled.

“So, I gotta tell you. I’m still trying to solve the mystery of how your video got uploaded to the Internet.”

I plopped down onto my bed and stared at her. “That may never be solved. I think we have to chalk it up to my blatant stupidity.”

“Can you lend me your phone tomorrow? I want to take a look at all the ins and outs, see if I can reproduce what happened.”

“God, no! Why would you want to reproduce what happened?”

“Not with your lurid porn video, stupid. With a blank dummy video. I want to recreate the conditions in which it occurred. I made a blank demo tape of approximately the same length.”

My brows furrowed. “That’s a very scientific approach.”

“Well, I am a scientist—or hope to be, if I make it through this semester. But I just have this gut feeling that this wasn’t an accident.”

I frowned. “You mean that someone hacked me?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I want to see what I can find out.”

“Okay…I’ll leave it on the charger. Do not answer it if anyone calls me.”

Her brows twitched. “Still avoiding Mommy Dearest?”

“Hell, yes.”

She stifled a yawn and cleared her bed of books and her tablet. “I’m crashing.”

“Mind if I play on the game for a bit? I’m not tired.”

She snickered. “You are so hooked.”

“Am not. It’s research.”

“Are too. How close are you to your next level?”

I sighed, holding up my thumb and forefinger together. “I’m this close.”

“You’re an addict. It only gets worse from here on out.”

Her light went off, and I plugged in my ear buds and entered the world of Yondareth yet again. My Beast achieved level five quickly, and I told myself just a few more minutes…a few more minutes.

I finally ran out of minutes at three in the morning.

This was getting ridiculous.

At least this time when I went to sleep I didn’t lay awake for hours thinking about him. Because I was so exhausted, I fell asleep quickly.

The next morning, I was red-eyed and coffee-fueled. My hair looked horrible, so I’d quickly braided it to keep it out of my face. I wore a dark blue dress to work because I hadn’t had time to do laundry last weekend.