Author: Robyn Carr

“No,” she said, snuggling closer. “You’ve been behaving, but it’s right there, under the surface, I can feel it. You’re dying to do it again.”

He laughed. “I am.” He put his thumb and finger on her chin and turned her face up toward his. “But I’m not sure I even remember it right.” He touched her lips briefly with his. “Pah. Not that great. I can live without it.”

She laughed at him. “Funny. That was a decoy, which is the same as a lie, Your Worship.”

His eyes grew hot and he put his mouth over hers again, rocking against her lips, licking them open and penetrating with his tongue. She shifted slightly and put her arms around his neck, holding him close, her tongue joining his in play, and she heard him growl deep in his throat, pulling her across his lap, tight against him. And they kissed, and kissed and kissed. His hands roughly massaged her back, her hip, her leg; her fingers locked into his hair and she made a soft moaning sound.

Noah was lost. He could no more stop kissing her than move a mountain. He continued to devour her, groaning as she added her own sweet sounds, pulling at her mouth, drawing her closer, until finally, breathless, he broke away. He took a few breaths, his eyes pinched closed. “Whew, Ellie, I don’t know who taught you to kiss, but you don’t need any further instruction.”

“See, you like that too much,” she whispered. “We’re headed for trouble.”

He chuckled. “You don’t hate it, either, I could tell. I have some serious feelings happening here.”

“That’s another reason for me to leave,” she said. “I’m getting out of here before I totally fall for you and end up with a broken heart.”

“You don’t really like me that much. You call me names.”

“I tease. Don’t you know anything? Girls tease the boys they like. But before I run for my life, will you please help me get my kids back? Noah, I can’t live without my kids. I just can’t. It’s the one thing that could really break me. Do you get it? You could hurt me, but that could break me.”

It was like a brick in the head. There was so much more to her than lips, than his desire, than wanting and caring. She had a family, and this situation with her kids was serious business. He would have to be careful here. He ran a knuckle along her cheek. “Yes. I am going to help. Tomorrow, first thing, you go to see Brie with your tape. And now, I’m going to walk you home.”

“This is Virgin River, Noah. You don’t have to walk me home.”

“Your ex-husband is threatening you, promising to get even. I’m going to get you home, make sure you’re in safely, and there’s no discussion about it.”

“You have to promise something,” she said.

“Anything,” he said before he could stop himself.

“You can’t be looking at me like you want to kiss me. And I won’t look at you like I want you to. This is a little scary. I can’t afford to have anything go wrong before I get the kids.”

“Nothing will go wrong, I promise. We’re going to get this worked out. Come on,” he said, standing and pulling her up. “Because if you stay, I’m going to want to make out all night and I don’t think we can take it.” He tapped on the door to the bedroom and George opened it altogether too quickly, as if he’d been pressed up against it. Noah smirked at him. “I’m walking Ellie home, and Lucy is staying with you.”

“Fine,” George said.

“She likes to sleep on the bed,” Noah said, nodding at the dog.

Noah held Ellie’s hand as he walked her home in the dark. Even though their pace was leisurely and they didn’t talk, his mind was racing.

He cared about her so much that his chest ached. No matter how bad things got, she never gave in, so for her to cry signaled disaster and terror for her. He wanted to crush her to him and protect her and keep her safe like no one had been able to do in her life. Her grandmother had given her love and wisdom, but while she’d been devoted, she’d obviously barely kept the wolf from the door. By the time Ellie was a seventeen-year-old mother, it was she who was working to support the family.

But nothing seemed to ruin her; nothing embittered her. She was grateful for a horrible job because it allowed her to take care of her children. And she appreciated this job, though it didn’t pay her enough to live, because it was a means to an end and would get her children back to her.

She was so tough, yet so vulnerable.

It wasn’t pity that drove his desire to hold her close. It was admiration. Respect. Friendship and loyalty…and, if he was honest, undeniable lust.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” he said.

She sighed. “Another one? What now? I told the truth about the lap dances.”

“Not that. Did you date much besides Jason and the other guy—I’m sorry I just can’t remember his name right now? Like in school? Like between relationships?”

“Noah, I started going with Jason when I was fourteen—he was almost my first boyfriend ever. After Jason, I was a mother who worked two jobs—I didn’t have time to date or see guys. That’s probably what got me into trouble—a complete lack of experience. I loved Jason with my whole being, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to care about anyone again, but then I met Chip at my night job at the convenience store and he was fun. He teased Danielle and made her giggle, and he made me laugh and feel wanted. It was the first time I felt like life might turn out okay if I just went with it. After all, being with Chip was better than crying over Jason. But when I told him I was pregnant, he said, forget about it. He wasn’t ready to be a father, he didn’t want a baby. He told me to get rid of it and we’d think about that again in a few years, if things worked out for us. And right after he said that, he went to jail. I guess you know my decision. I kept Trevor and let Chip go.”

“I see,” Noah said quietly. “So—no boyfriends,” he said. “That seems impossible. Surely men noticed you.”

“All the time,” she said. “But I was too busy for men. And for the ones who didn’t understand the word no, I developed a very fast left hook.”

He chuckled at her. “Passes,” he said.

“That would be the polite term. I swear, men can be so fricking rude! Well, after Chip, I said I’d never be that stupid again. And, in my immature mind, I thought that being practical where Arnie was concerned made so much more sense than letting myself get emotionally stupid and make a big mistake. Shows you what I know.”

“Three men? In your life?” he asked.

“Technically, two. Arnie wanted me, for whatever insane reason, but as it turned out, he didn’t want to have sex with me.”

Noah stopped walking. “What?”

She turned to look at him. “It took me a long time to accept the idea of sleeping with him even if I didn’t love him. It turned out that wasn’t going to be a problem.” She shrugged. “I asked him once what that was about. I didn’t want him to change his mind, but I couldn’t figure out him wanting a wife so much, but not wanting to have sex. He said his blood pressure medicine interfered, and that it wasn’t the most important part of a relationship. Maybe he said that to be nice, maybe I just turned him off…”

“Whew,” Noah said. “That makes his possessive behavior even more twisted. I bet it wasn’t his blood pressure medicine. I bet it’s some other kind—some psychotropic medication.”

“Some what?” she asked.

“Something for a psychiatric condition. In addition to his personality disorder—like depression, bipolar disorder or whatever. The upside to that would be that he’s actually taking his meds.”

“So, you see, there really have been just two men in my life. Are you surprised? Did you think maybe I slept around a lot? Did you think that if a girl ends up as a stripper, it’s because she’s just a slut? I’m sure that’s what most people think.”

He shook his head. “That’s not why I asked. I just wondered if you’ve been mostly alone.”

“Mostly. Except for friends. I had friends where I worked, sometimes great friends, but it’s hard to keep up with friends when you have two kids and two jobs. So, what about you? Until you told me you were married, I took you for a thirty-five-year-old virgin.”

“No. I dated a lot. Had some girlfriends who lasted a pretty long time, like six months. Had a lot more I dated for several weeks or a couple of months.” He grinned at her and pulled her closer. “There were a few I dated for one night. Before I was clergy, of course. Merry wasn’t my first girlfriend, but she was the first woman I wanted to marry.”

Ellie smiled. “That’s very sweet. I guess you aren’t exactly a late bloomer, huh, preach?”

“Nope. I bloomed right on schedule,” he said with a smile. “I got an early start, but I didn’t get serious for a long time.”

“And I got serious too young. It felt real, and I’d bet a million dollars that Jason and I could have lived happily ever after, but there’s no getting around it—it was kid love. If Danielle turns fifteen and tells me she’s dead in love and can’t be away from some young buck, I’ll ground her for life.”

Noah laughed. “Don’t be too surprised if that happens. Lots of wild hormones in youngsters.”

They reached the bottom of her steps. “Thanks for the escort—”

“Let me come up,” he said. “I want to be sure your room is totally safe.”

“Noah, Arnie just called me a half hour ago. No way he could have driven over here and hidden under my bed.”

“Okay, point taken. Let me come up anyway. I want to kiss you good-night.”

“Listen, I’m bad with men. I seem to make all the wrong choices, which is why I decided it would be best if I gave them up, at least until my kids grow up, move out and own their own real estate. And I’m sure not getting involved with some guy who’s just going to chuck me in a couple of weeks because, believe it or not, I’m just not casual about stuff like this. And you’re too easy to like, so stop trying to trip me up.”

He laughed at her. “Come on, Ellie, it’s good you like me. We shouldn’t be kissing if you don’t like me. And I would never chuck you—I’m considerate. Responsible.”

“In order for me to even think of going off my man-diet, I need more than considerate and responsible. I want someone who isn’t going to die or stick up the night manager or treat me and my kids bad! Or leave! Or let me leave! I’m looking for soul-deep, lifetime, unbreakable, unbearable passion. Love to the nth degree. The real thing for once, not some poor excuse for it. And certainly not just consideration. I’m not looking for some polite version of love, but the real thing.”

Then she backed away. “No, forget I said that. I don’t even want that—it would just mess up my already messed-up life. Don’t make me want you. Now go home and don’t press your luck!”

And with that she stormed up the stairs, walked into her room and slammed the door. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door. That had to be done; he had to be sent away. Life was complicated enough without thinking romance was possible. Especially with someone as perfect as Noah….

There was a soft knock at the door. Ellie rolled her eyes. This was pure hell, being pursued by a good man, a sweet man, a sexy and adorable and very masculine man. Ugh. There was no reason she wouldn’t fall right in love with him, and it wasn’t going to work out—it wouldn’t last. A minister couldn’t make a commitment to an ex-stripper who had two kids by two different men. It had to be against some major Presbyterian rules, had to be.