"We just adore Ian," Tootsie explained. "Such a sweet boy."

"And such a sweet kilt," Scarlett added, but Tootsie slapped his wrist.

"Behave. And we just love the way you tried to help Ian find his true love." Tootsie pressed a hand to his mouth. "It was so romantic. I think I'm going to cry."

"Don't," Scarlett fussed. "It'll make your mascara run. And Vanda..." He grabbed her hand. "We just loved the way you attacked Corky Courrant. Don't we, everyone?"

Murmurs of agreement spread through the crowd.

"We have it all on tape," Tootsie explained. "That hideous part when Corky was insulting Ian, and then that lovely part when you went flying across the table to strangle the bitch."

"We've watched it a hundred times!" Scarlett exclaimed.

"Great," Vanda muttered. "It was one of my finer moments."

"We just adore you," Tootsie insisted. "And we love that terrible temper of yours."

"Oh yes." Scarlett shuddered. "It's so raw and fierce."

"Do you - " Tootsie pressed a hand to his hot pink lips. "Oh, I hate to be an imposition, but do you possibly think you could demonstrate one of those glorious fits of rage for us?"

"Oh yes, please." Scarlett clasped his hands together. "It would be such an honor to see you royally pissed!"

Vanda gritted her teeth. "I'm working on it as we speak."

"All right," Robby interrupted. "Enough gossiping. We need to proceed with the plan."

"Oh my." Tootsie looked Robby over. "Another nice kilt."

Robby arched a brow. "If ye come to the Vampire Blues with us, ye must be prepared to fight for yer lives."

Scarlett and Tootsie both gasped.

"Y'all have a fabulous time." Scarlett stepped back, waving good-bye.

"And don't let anything happen to Vanda," Tootsie added.

"We won't," Phil grumbled.

"This way." Colbert and six of his men strode toward the warehouse entrance.

Outside, they piled into two black limousines. Time to set the trap and see if Casimir would take the bait.

CHAPTER 17

Phil ushered Vanda to a table in the center of the club. Vampire Blues obviously catered to a different sort of clientele than her club had. No bright lights or fast, pounding music. No screaming, bouncing girls demanding the next male dancer.

Vampire Blues was a dark, gloomy place that reeked of spilled Blissky. Vampire waitresses, dressed in black satin shorts and camisole tops, glided around the scarred tables. Above the bar, a television was tuned to the Digital Vampire Network. Stone Cauf-fyn was delivering The Nightly News, but the mute button had been turned on.

In a corner, next to the bar, a small jazz band was playing a slow, sad melody, and a couple on the dance floor swayed to the music.

Vanda sat with a huff. "This place is depressing."

"You're supposed to be depressed." Phil sat next to her. "You just lost your club."

"Don't remind me." She looked over her shoulder. "Where did the guys go? They're supposed to protect me."

"They will." Phil noticed how well Colbert and his friends blended into the dark booths at the back of the club. Robby MacKay, with his bright blue and green kilt, was more noticeable. He was sitting at a table, facing them, to keep the broadsword on his back from being seen.

"The first part of the plan is for you to get on Corky's show," Phil explained. "But we don't want your little army to appear on the show."

"Right," Vanda muttered. "Not only am I bait, but I have to look like totally helpless, vulnerable bait."

"Exactly." Phil motioned to a waitress. "If Casimir sees how well-protected you are, he'll know it's a trap. But if he thinks you're unprotected, he's more likely to attack with just a few men."

Vanda sighed. "Okay. Let's get on with this."

The waitress stopped by their table and looked Phil over. With a smile, she leaned over to show off her cleavage. "How can I serve you?"

"You can put on some clothes," Vanda grumbled.

The waitress straightened and shot her an annoyed look.

"I'll have a beer," Phil said. "And my fiancée will have a Blissky."

The waitress turned with a huff and stalked away.

Vanda stared at Phil. "What was that?"

"I know you don't drink liquor much, but you need to appear drunk," he explained.

"I meant the fiancée part. Did I miss a conversation somewhere?"

He smiled. "I thought it might keep the waitress from coming on to me. My apologies for using you in such a manner."

Her mouth twitched. "Honey, you can use me in any manner you like." She rubbed a booted foot along his leg.

He motioned with his head toward the other Vamps.

She rolled her eyes. "This forbidden crap is for the birds. I should be able to jump my guard if I want to." She smiled. "And I do want to."

He smiled back. "I want to, too. But we can't allow ourselves to get distracted right now."

A flash of light drew Phil's attention. More flashes. Three Japanese vampires were taking photos of the waitress. She posed for them, smiling.

Tourists, he figured. They each had a digital camera hanging around their necks. They sat at a table close by.

The waitress brought Phil and Vanda their drinks, then turned to the Japanese. "What would you like?"

"We want Brissky! I am Kyo, and I pay."

The waitress nodded. "Three Blisskys, coming up." As she walked toward the bar, Kyo took a picture of her backside.

"Kyo!" One of his friends laughed. "You are too bad."

Vanda sipped her Blissky and grimaced. "Ugh."

"Sorry," Phil murmured. "You're supposed to look like you're drowning your sorrows."

Phineas approached them, talking on his cell phone. "Yeah. Okay, bro. Way to go." He snapped his phone shut and sat at the table with them. "That was Gregori. He's at DVN, pretending to be arranging a new commercial for Vampire Fusion Cuisine, and he let it drop a few times that Vanda was here wallowing in self-pity."

Vanda scoffed. "I don't wallow."

"It's all part of the act, sweetness," Phineas whispered. "Any second now the news will reach Corky."

"And she'll want to show me wallowing on her show," Vanda grumbled. She took another sip of Blissky and made a face.

Phineas frowned. "Sweetness, you don't look very drunk."

"I'm not. And if you call me 'sweetness' one more time, I'll cram my whip down your throat."

Phineas raised his hands in surrender. "Dudette, I'm just saying that I have some experience in matters of extreme intoxication. First of all, you need to look like you're enjoying that Blissky. Let me show you." He grabbed her glass and guzzled down half the contents.

He slammed the glass down and thumped the table. "Damn, that's good. Now, secondly, you need to look intoxicated. Slouch over in your chair and leave your mouth hanging open."

Vanda arched a brow at him.

Phil noticed the bartender answering the phone. A short bald man appeared, teleporting in with a small camera. Corky's spy, the same guy Phil had spotted in her office a few nights ago. The man scurried off to a nearby booth.

"Showtime," Phil whispered. "Corky's spy is here."

"Where?" Vanda turned her head.

"Don't look," Phil growled.

She gazed at him, her eyes wide with worry. "What now?"

"You do your anger thing," Phineas said. When Vanda did nothing, he added, "Sweetness."

She frowned at him.

"I bet you just hated watching your club burn to the ground," Phineas continued. "I bet it made you really mad."

She took a sip of Blissky.

Phineas leaned closer. "I bet it filled you with uncontrollable rage."

She gave him a bland look. "I know what you're doing."

Phineas huffed. "Do something, Phil. Insult her. Make her mad."

Phil shrugged. "Nothing comes to mind. I think she's...perfect."

She gave Phil an angelic smile. "Thank you."

"Oh come on." Phineas glared at them. "Can't you two have a lovers' quarrel? Is the camera on us?"

Phil glanced at the booth where the short bald man was sitting. His camera was aimed right at them. "Yes, it is."

Phineas smirked at Vanda. "You know, you really shouldn't wear those catsuits. The camera adds ten pounds."

She gave him an annoyed look. "You guys talked me into being a sitting duck, but I didn't agree to be a trained monkey."

"Dammit, woman," Phineas snarled. "Everyone knows you're crazy. Start acting like it!"

Vanda shrugged. "Sticks and stones."

Phineas glowered at Phil. "What kind of anger management sponsor are you?"

"A successful one, apparently."

"Shit," Phineas muttered. He glanced at the Japanese vampire tourists and his eyes lit up. He reached under the table, then heaved it at the Japanese Vamps.

The table crashed on top of the tourists, sloshing them with spilled Blissky and beer. They jumped up, hollering in shock and outrage.

Phineas leaped to his feet, giving Vanda an appalled look. "Vanda! Why'd you do it?"

"What?" She stood.

Phineas slapped a hand against his brow. "You can't attack these people just because you hate Naruto!"

"Who?" Vanda asked.

"She hate Naruto?" The tourist named Kyo glared at Vanda, his face turning red.

"You ruined my shirt!" A second tourist wiped at the Blissky stains on his red silk shirt. He glowered at Vanda. "You evil woman."

"Hey, she did you a favor," Phineas yelled. "That shirt belongs on a woman."

The tourist gasped.

"She has insulted your honor, Yoshi," Kyo declared. "And she insults Naruto's honor."

"Hai!" All three Japanese vampires assumed attack poses.

"What the hell?" Vanda jumped back and quickly untied the whip from around her waist.

Phil glanced at Corky's cameraman. He was still recording. They would have to fight.

The Japanese charged with an impressive series of kicks and spins. Yoshi kicked at Vanda, but she managed to dodge it. She snapped her whip at him, and he backed up.

Kyo came after Phil, but he'd had enough martial arts training to block all the kicks and punches. He quickly discovered that a kick aimed at Kyo's expensive digital camera would always make the tourist jump back.

Still, he knew they needed to put on a show for Corky. Phil slung a chair at Kyo, purposely missing him and shattering the chair on top of a table. Customers screamed and ran from the building. Others stayed and laid bets.

Finally, the cameraman vanished. Phil assumed he had a deadline to keep in order to get the video on Corky's show. Live with the Undead was due to start in fifteen minutes.

"All right!" Phil shouted. "The show's over."

Phineas and Vanda stopped fighting. The Japanese Vamps stood there, panting, with confused looks on their faces.

"Congratulations!" Phineas grinned at them. "You guys just got punked. You'll be on a TV show."

"What?" Kyo glanced at the television. The Nightly News was still on. "We American movie stars now?"

"Television stars," Phineas corrected him. "You're going to be famous. And dudes, we love Naruto."

"Who's Naruto?" Vanda whispered.

"Let me buy you some drinks," Phil offered.

Ten minutes later Phil, Vanda, and Phineas were sharing a table with their new friends: Kyo, Yoshi, and Yuki. Robby, Zoltan, and Dougal came over to introduce themselves and congratulate them on their fine martial arts skills. Colbert and his men introduced themselves and gave the tourists more compliments on their fighting. Colbert paid the club manager for the damages, then bought everyone a round of Blisskys.

When Corky Courrant's show came on, the bartender turned up the volume. The jazz band and all the customers settled down to watch the show, Live with the Undead.

"Greeting, dear viewers." Corky smiled grimly at the camera. "Tonight we have shocking news. As you know, last night we showed you the utter destruction of Vanda Barkowski's notorious nightclub here in New York City."

Half the screen displayed the burned and charred remains of Vanda's club.

Phil patted her leg in sympathy underneath the table.

"It's no secret that I was celebrating last night while Vanda's club was burning," Corky continued. "But I must confess that I had nothing to do with it. It was simply a matter of divine justice. Now, we had thought Vanda had died a horrible death in the explosion. Indeed, everyone hoped and prayed that she was dead, but tonight, in late-breaking news, we can confirm that Vanda Barkowski is still alive!"

A picture of Vanda flashed on the screen.

"Ah, Vanda." The Japanese bowed to her. "You are famous celebrity."

She groaned and shook her head.

"You see, dear friends," Corky continued, "I have exclusive footage that proves Vanda is still alive. And not only is she still breathing, but she's engaging once again in disgusting and violent behavior! Just moments ago my operative filmed this scene at the Vampire Blues club in New Orleans. Vanda was there, so drunk and disorderly that she attacked three unsuspecting tourists from Japan!"