She was getting worked up again, so I just put a hand on her arm and squeezed, forcing her to look at me. I gave her a crooked smile, one full of genuine regret. “I’m soooooo sorry,” I said.

Finally sighing, she put her hand on mine and squeezed it back. “I know you are,” she said, blowing out the air in her lungs a bit. “You were just…a lot to handle. That’s all.”

I smiled a little bigger now, but also showed my embarrassment. “Was Reed…angry?” I asked, still wanting to know what I’d done.

Sienna looked at Sarah again, exchanging glances just as they’d done before. “What? Oh my God, what did I say?” I was getting slightly more animated now.

“No, no,” Sienna stopped me. “It’s not what you said. It’s what Reed said…and did, I guess?” Sienna looked at Sarah again for confirmation to keep going.

“What do you mean,” I was desperate now.

“Well, first of all, when you called and sounded in distress, he dropped everything. He was literally miles into his trip down the highway by the time he got me on the phone. Noles, he was so worried about you,” she said. I smiled faintly at this information, and my insides lit up with a hope I hadn’t felt in weeks.

“He…came for me?” I asked, wondering suddenly if I’d seen Reed in my condition, too.

“No, when I found you—out front and in the gutter, by the way—he pulled over and stayed on the phone with me until he knew I had you handled,” her words suddenly disappointing me.

I was about to leave it at that when I saw my two best friends exchange that look one more time. “Come on guys. What is it? I can take it. I mean, look. I can’t get any lower than this.”

Sienna came over to sit closer to me, almost like she was prepared to catch me if I fainted. It was making me nervous. “He seemed to think you were with Gavin,” she said, her words completely unexpected.

I clenched my jaw and pulled my knees up into my body a little, holding in the anger. Gavin! He was going to ruin my life! I was about to unleash a tirade about the nightmare Gavin had been, when Sienna threw me off my road map.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t tell him he was at the club. I didn’t think you’d want Reed to know. But, Noles? Is there something happening between you two?” she asked.

“Wha…me…and Gavin?” I asked, my forehead crinkle deep with confusion now.

“Yeah…I mean, he was awfully touchy feely last night,” she said, and immediately my mind went to work taking inventory on everything that I did last night. I remembered dancing, and I remember letting people touch me in a way that this morning made me shudder and feel ashamed. But I didn’t remember Gavin.

“Oooooooh, you totally don’t remember at all, do you?” Sienna said, sliding over closer to me now, almost feeling bad. Her hard shell was breaking a bit.

I just rubbed my eyes with my hands, searching for more memories in my brain, but they weren’t there. Sienna filled me in on what she saw. She said I also shoved him at one point, which I thought was good. Regardless, though, I knew I was going to have to have another conversation with him—and this one might be the most uncomfortable yet.

I managed to recuperate from my binge enough to actually attend a few classes Monday and Tuesday. I even made it to the writing center Wednesday morning to work with Kira. She had come up with an idea to turn her poem or essay into a song. She said she could usually get through more of her words if she put them to music, which fascinated me. I encouraged her to try it, and she agreed to let me write about it for one of my assignments.

I packed up most of my things for the long weekend after our session and made my way to my parents; the drive on my own through the desert giving me too much time to think. Sarah, Calley and Sienna had already headed to Coolidge, so I texted them when I was leaving so we could meet up at MicNic’s for some much-needed catching up with Becky. And after an hour in the car, with nothing but my worries and guilt to keep me company, I was desperate for my girls.

Reed

Trig and I pulled into the driveway of my pop’s house late Wednesday night. Sean had texted me that the girls had gone out to MicNic Burger’s for the night so he was going to come over to hang out for a bit. Our rivalry game against ASU was Saturday, so Trig and I had to head back to Tucson late Friday morning. I was glad he agreed to come home with me. I knew it was childish, but somehow it felt better having numbers on my side when it came to Nolan.

Sean was already at the house when we barreled through the front door, dragging our bags of clothes and loads of laundry. Rosie was there to greet us, and just took the bags out of my hands without me even asking. Bless that woman; she really knows how to spoil me.