Placing his elbows on the table, Ky shook his head in disappointment, then asked, “You ain’t had coffee either?”

“No. What is it?” I looked down at the hot, aromatic liquid with more than passing curiosity. The smell was so enticing, even intoxicating.

“It’s a drink.”

Unable to contain my laughter, a chortle spilled from my lips. “I know that much, Ky. I may not know much in this world of yours, but I can recognize a hot beverage.”

Ky’s expression changed from indifferent, bored even, to something else… something akin to amusement. It was subtle, but it was there. His eyes softened, and then after a moment, he smiled back at me and placed his hand over mine. My laughter died down as the warmth from his skin seeped through to my bones. When I looked into his blue eyes, they too were focused on our hands.

I should have removed my hand. It was right to do so and sinful not to do so. But I didn’t want to, and for the first time in my life, I had no one to tell me otherwise. I was under Ky’s command this day, and I must do as he wished.

Ky was tense. I realized he was shocked at my allowing this forbidden touch. My heartbeat was as speedy as a hummingbird’s fluttering wings and an excited shiver ran up and down my spine.

Ky’s eyes then met mine, the residue of a smile still gracing my face. His free hand reached out slowly to gently touch my lips, and he said, “That’s one hell of a good look on you, sweet cheeks.”

“What… what is?” I asked as his hand dropped from my face.

“That stunning fuckin’ smile. I ain’t ever seen you smile in the whole time you’ve been at the compound.”

I lost my smile, then replied, “Because I do not have reason to smile very often.”

Ky’s fingers began tracing the back of my hand. “Then you make a reason, Li. Don’t make excuses for living a shit life. It ain’t rocket science. You don’t like something, find something you do. Don’t like being around someone, stay the fuck away. Wanna change your life, then get off your ass, bitch and fuckin’ change it.”

Ky gave my hand a long squeeze and said, “I know you ain’t feeling life at the club, but you also haven’t given it or anyone in it the time of day. You keep yourself caged up in that room, wallowing in grief for something that’s gone and ain’t ever coming back. You’re fuckin’ miserable, but you don’t even try to make things better. Not one of the brothers will hurt you, and if you stick to certain rules, visiting brothers and nomads won’t ever get the chance. You give Mae shit for having the balls to leave something she knew was fucked up, and you’re fuckin’ killing her by refusing or even acknowledging her help.

“I get you think we’re all sinners, but we’re sinners that will protect y’all. You’re Mae’s sister, she’s Styx’s old lady, and that means you got club protection. And we ain’t that bad to people we let in, Li. So fuckin’ just try to make this situation you’re in better. I mean, fuck, I don’t ever get down, love my damn life, but looking at you through that window every night, as miserable as shit and glaring at us like we’re demons, even makes me wanna slit my wrists. And I’ll tell you now, I’m too fuckin’ pretty to die!”

A dull ache throbbed in my stomach, like I’d received a harsh kick. I lowered my head, though I could not help but smile reluctantly at the joke he just made.

He was right. He was far too pretty to die.

Ky jerked my hand and forced me to look at him. “I don’t know in full what those fuckwits did to you, but I know enough to understand that you ain’t gonna trust folks, that you’ve been fuckin’ programmed to fear anyone that Prophet Pedo told you to avoid, but you gotta try, Li. You just gotta try.”

Tears welled in my eyes as I considered Ky’s words. I did not have a response. I didn’t think he wanted one. He made it all seem so easy.

“Now,” Ky said, releasing my hand, “try your fuckin’ coffee.”

Quickly wiping my cheeks, I expelled a relieved laugh and put my slightly shaking hand on the handle of the mug. “What is in it?”

Ky shrugged. “Caffeine.”

I immediately put down the mug and released the handle.

“What now?” Ky asked, frowning.

“I am not to drink caffeine. It is a forbidden. Caffeine alters your mind and takes you away from the Lord. The Cursed are already impure, thus we must eat clean, consume nothing but natural products.”

Ky sighed and ran his hand across his forehead. “It ain’t forbidden out here. There’s no prophet to worry about. No fuckin’ apocalypse that you taking a sip of that Joe is gonna bring.” Ky’s hand pushed the mug in my direction, and he said, “Just try it, Li. Just fuckin’ try it.”

I stared at the offending receptacle. I was startled at the level of turmoil I was feeling. I had never deviated from Prophet David’s words or commandments. I was a true believer in the cause. But at the same time, Ky’s words played havoc with my mind. I wanted to please him. I wanted to try and live out here on the outside… at least until I was returned to The Order.

Something within me wanted to trust him, wanted to please him.

Clenching my hands, I shook as I gripped the handle of the mug and brought it to my lips. The closer it came, the stronger the rich aroma became. I closed my eyes, convincing myself to try it, when a small amount of liquid flooded my mouth.