Chapter Forty-five

As Ethan ran a damp cloth over Maddy's body, he could hear Fiona speaking in low tones with the doctors in the next room.

Two days had passed since Ethan had brought Madeleine here. Ethan had told Quin to make sure his house in Grosvenor was empty by the time he was due to return, but Fiona had refused to go, browbeating Quin into telling all. Then she'd set about assembling an army of physicians in London for a wife that Ethan had "neglected to mention to her."

Even after two days, and all those doctors working, Maddy was still so pale, as if all the blood had left her body. She tossed in restless sleep, her breathing labored. Tonight she burned with fever again.

"I'm going tae get her well," Ethan had declared to the physicians, but he knew what they'd deemed Maddy's chances.

Yet they simply didn't knowher as he did. They only saw her size and felt her weak pulse. And after Ethan told them about her possible pregnancy and then of finding blood on the back of her nightgown in the infirmary, they'd informed him that she'd lost the baby and would be further weakened.

Fiona had said, "Doona worry, son, she'll have more bairns once she gets - "

"Do you think I give a damn about that?" he'd snapped.

"But the look on your face when you realized...I just thought..."

His reaction hadn't been from learning that she'd lost the babe; it had been from knowing she'd lost it in that hellhole.

By herself.

Maddy's body had received his seed and had been ready to give them a babe. But his countless lies had driven her away, straight into danger, putting her in this grueling struggle for life.

When he'd first feared that they'd lost their bairn, his mind had whispered,It could be the curse once more....

Yet Ethan knew none of this was about the curse - no matter how easy it would be to assign blame to it. No,his actions had precipitated all this, and he fully accepted all the fault.

Hour after hour, Ethan watched over her, staring at each rise and fall of her chest, willing her to keep fighting...one more breath in...one more breath exhaled....

In between fevered dreams, for what felt like days, she'd heard Ethan speaking to her.

With his voice growing thick, he'd pleaded, "Maddy lass, doona leave me." Other times, he'd threatened her. "You'll never be rid of me," he'd snapped; then, as if he worked to calm his tone, he'd added, "so you'd best...you'd best stay with me."

And he'd railed at her, his voice booming so loud the bed had seemed to shake. "You canna do this - take my goddamned heart and then leave me! You think I will no' follow?"

She knew he was constantly there, was aware of his movements and comprehended his words, but she couldn't seem to open her heavy eyelids or speak.

At night, he would wrap his body around hers, keeping her warm, whispering against her hair, "You enjoy being contrary. Then prove them all wrong and get better." He'd clutched her hip, then balled his fist there. "Ah, lass, they canna understand how strong you are."

Sometimes she heard other voices, doctors, she thought, and occasionally an older woman with a Scottish accent. The woman spoke now: "Ethan, these physicians are doing their best."

"It's no' good enough!" he roared in answer, then cursed the unseen doctors in some of the vilest language Maddy had ever heard. Directly after he kicked them out of the room, a door slammed, and a cool breeze whistled over her from the impact.

Finally, her eyelids didn't feel too heavy to open. She blinked against the light for several moments. She perceived his form standing near the bed and waited as her vision began to focus.

He raked his fingers through his disheveled hair as a pretty red-haired lady frowned up at him.

"She'll wake soon, Ethan. The fever has broken."

"They said thatyesterday . And still she has no'."

"If she did right now," the woman said, "you would scare the poor girl to death. You've no' shaved or changed your clothes in days. And you look half-mad."

"You ken Iam half-mad, well on the verge."

When he began pacing, she said, "You must calm yourself. Your anger with the physicians will no' help your wife" - her gaze flickered over Maddy and away, then returned immediately - "but slamming the door like that just might wake her."

"What do you - ?" His shoulders tensed. He rasped, "Are you sayin' she's...?"

"You dinna tell me she has such pretty blue eyes. Look behind you, son."

He whirled around, seeming to loom over the bed. Maddy stared up in shock. His eyes were red and wild, his beard growing. His clothes were wrinkled, his sleeves rolled. He looked as if he wanted to launch himself at her.

The woman said something in Gaelic that made Ethan scowl and his hand shoot up to hisbeard ? He froze, and his brows drew together.

How long had he been with her?

Ethan looked at her with such yearning, but he seemed to force himself to back away from her. "You need tae drink," he suddenly said, dashing to a nearby pitcher. When he poured, Maddy could hear the pitcher clanking against the glass.

The woman raised her eyebrows at Ethan, then told Maddy, "I'm Lady Fiona, your mother-in-law, and I'm verra pleased to be meeting you this morning."

When Ethan returned to the bed with a glass of water, Maddy asked, "Where am I?"

He lifted Maddy's head and helped her drink. "You're in London, in our town house." Maddy couldn't seem to drink it fast enough. "Easy, then," he murmured.

When he took the nearly empty glass away, Maddy asked, "C-Corrine?"

"I could no' find her, but I have men searching in Paris," he said. "Maddy, I doona believe she'd been sick."

Maddy closed her eyes with worry, then quickly opened them, afraid to go to sleep again.

He ran his hand over the back of his neck. "But Bea - "

"No," she whispered. "I know."

Lady Fiona said something in Gaelic, then in English added, "Ethan, why don't you go get cleaned up now while I visit with my new daughter-in-law?"

He hesitated, then the two of them seemed to share a look. Before he turned to the door, Ethan gruffly said to Maddy, "Verra glad you're better, lass." As he trudged from the room, she thought she saw him swiping a sleeve over his eyes.Oh, Ethan.

Once he'd left, Lady Fiona said, "He's been worried about you, to say the least." She sat on the edge of the bed. "Now, I know you must have many questions...."

"I didn't get anyone sick here, did I?"

"None of us. No' at all. To be on the safe side, I'm staying in this house for a week." She added dryly, "I hope you like cards."

Biting her bottom lip, Maddy said, "I...Lady Fiona, I lost the baby, didn't I?"

Fiona brushed Maddy's hair back from her forehead. "Aye, but a slew of doctors all agree you'll be able to have more."

She'd known she'd miscarried, but still, hearing the news made sadness sweep over her, sharp and heavy. "But Ethan's not...well?"

"He does no' look it, but he's no' in ill health. I doona think he's slept in a week." She raised her brows as she said, "He loves you quite, well,fiercely . I'm just happy you'll be able to be together and start anew."

Maddy's eyes began to grow heavy again. "Lady Fiona, I don't know what you've been told - "

"Lass, I know everything. But understand, he's changed. Speaking no' as his mother but one woman to another...when a man like Ethan finally learns to love, it's forever."

"Bloody hell!"

He'd nicked himself again. His hands were shaking so badly, yet Fiona expected him to shave and clean up? Said he'd frightened his own wife with his appearance.

He probably had as he'd battled the nigh overwhelming urge to squeeze her in his arms. Maddy's eyes had been wide in her pale face as she stared up at him.

It had been everything he could do to force himself to leave that room - but earlier his mother had suggested she speak with Maddy alone once she woke. Fiona had told him there was a small chance Maddy might not even have known about the baby.

He clung to that.

When he nicked himself again, he threw the razor down. He rested his hands on the basin and hung his head.Please, doona let her have known. With Bea's death and his betrayal and Corrine's disappearance, he didn't know how much more his lass could take....

How long did his mother want with Maddy?

Ethan couldn't stay away any longer. He hastily dressed, then returned. As he strode in, Maddy's eyes were heavy-lidded, as if she was struggling to stay awake.

When he hurried to sit beside her, she weakly lifted her hand to graze her fingertips over a nick on his jaw. He took her small hand in his, kissing her palm, but she'd already closed her eyes. Just as he felt a surge of panic, Fiona said, "She's just sleeping now, Ethan."

"Did she know about the babe?"Say no....

"Aye, she did. But she's a strong one, I can tell. She'll heal from all this if you help her."

Maddy might not want his help - or want anything to do with him. "Did she say anythin' about me?" he asked, sounding as desperate as he was. "About what I did?"

"She broached it. But she's in love with you, son. I can tell. You will be able to win her back."

Never again would he feel anger toward Fiona for what she'd said and done in the hours after his father's death.If Maddy had... He shuddered and squeezed his eyes closed. "I need you tae leave."

Without a word, she hastened from the room.

Just before he lost all control of his emotions.

Chapter Forty-six

Over the last five nights, Ethan had silently crept into her room to sleep with her, easing away each morning. Her fierce Highlander craving to sleep with her made her heart soften, but then she grew exasperated.

Every time she'd tried to talk to him about what had happened, he'd shied away, clearly thinking she was not strong enough to handle his confessions after only six days of recovery. But she was healing rapidly now that she'd turned the corner. Today, she'd been able to sit up for a good part of the afternoon to play cards with Lady Fiona, who was scheduled to return to Scotland the next day.

She truly liked Fiona, enjoying that she still scolded Ethan. He grumbled, but Maddy sensed that whatever conflict between them had finally been resolved.

Maddy needed to get something resolved with him as well, settled for good or ill, just so she could begin to make sense of all that had transpired.

That night, she made herself stay awake, waiting for him to steal into the room. He came directly after midnight and quietly undressed. When he slowly pulled back the cover, about to ease in and join her, she said, "Ethan, don't you think it's time we discussed what happened?"

He exhaled. "Aye, I suppose it is." He slung on his trousers without energy, then turned up the bedroom lamp. After placing pillows behind her and helping her sit up in bed, he pulled a chair beside her. "How did you find out?"

"I'd written the land agent at Iveley about visiting the property because I'd wanted you to see where I grew up. But apparently, you had not only been to Iveley Hall - you'd owned it for years. Since my father died."

"Aye. I'd bought up his debts. Including the one against Iveley."

"So you did plot revenge against my family. Care to tell me what it was over?"

"You dinna draw a conclusion?"

"I think...I think my father discovered you and my mother in bed together. I think you were the man with her that night at Iveley."

"Inever touched her!" Ethan said vehemently. "I did go to meet her, but I had misgivings and tried to leave."

Maddy quirked a brow. "Do you make it a habit to go to assignations and then not keep them? Like with the barmaids?"

"I had a strong feeling that I should no' touch Sylvie. I had a realization with the others. Everything's led me to you."

"What happened that night, Ethan?"

He ran a hand over his drawn face. "If I try to acquit myself, I only impugn your parents."

"I have to hear this," she insisted. "I have to finally know what happened."

His brows drew together, and the pain in his eyes staggered her. "Then I'll tell you, though I doona relish it." In his low tone, he described a night of lies and weakness and unimaginable malice.

When he revealed that her mother had accused him of rape, Maddy was rocked. When he told her Brymer had cut him, Maddy's tears began to fall unchecked.

Ethan had been falsely accused, beaten, and then disfigured - while Maddy had been sleeping soundly not far away.

Her father had allowed it, Brymer had enjoyed it, and her mother had sat back and done nothing, even when she'd known a young man was being tortured in their stables.

"Oh, God," Maddy whispered as the full weight of his revelation sank in. "Ethan, I am so sorry for what they did to you."

"Doona dare apologize for them! This has nothing to do with you. Thinking otherwise was my mistake. And doona pity me - I had my retribution, as you well know. I bought up your father's loans and called them earlier than they would've been," Ethan said, his voice harsh. "And called them at the same time. I'm responsible for your losing your home."

Wait, called themearlier ? "Would it have happened eventually, or was it all you?" When Ethan clenched his jaw, refusing to answer, and she just stopped herself from sucking in a breath.

Oh, this must be a jest.She'd known there'd been debts, money struggles. She remembered her parents' fights, her mother always wanting more. Maddy probably would have ended up in La Marais without Ethan's interference.

"And your revenge on Brymer? Did you kill him?"

"Aye."

She nodded, glad to hear it. The image of that man stringing up Ethan and eagerly taking a knife to him...Maddy shuddered.

"And Tully?" she asked nervously. She remembered he'd always been kind to her.

"I spared him."

She exhaled a relieved breath, and not just for Tully - she was relieved to know Ethan could show mercy when it was warranted. "But what about me? You returned for me only to hurt me further."

"I tried to tell myself it was for revenge but realized early on that there was no way I could willfully hurt you. Take pleasure in knowing that my sinister plan for revenge came right back tae bite me on the arse." He leaned forward, elbows to his knees. "Maddy, I was fallin' for you from the beginning."

"Are we even truly married?"

He raised his brows as if shocked she had doubts about that. "Bloody hell, we are!"

"Was the night of the masquerade part of your plan?"

He shook his head. "I dinna know who you were until the next morning."

A thought struck her, and she narrowed her eyes. "What about Le Daex? Did you have something to do with that?"

Ethan hesitated, then said, "Aye. I dinna want you getting engaged before I could return for you."

"Yet another lie? Any others I should know about? More secrets?"

"There are more secrets. Ten years' worth of bad things I've done. I will no' burden you with the details unless you insist, but know that I ultimately acted toward a greater good. And sometimes...sometimes I even did things you might have been proud of."

She'd known he could be heroic if he chose - and that he could also be a scoundrel. She rubbed her temples.

"This has been too much," he said at once, sounding alarmed. "Does your head ache?"

"I'll be fine. I just want to get this over with. Is there anything else?" she asked more faintly, praying there wasn't.

He sighed. "Aye. I can speak French."

"Of course," she muttered in a deadened tone.

"Maddy, I ken that I've wronged you, but do you think you can forgive what I've done tae you? I'm no' saying this minute. But in time?"

"After all these lies, how can I trust what you're saying now? Give me a reason to, Ethan. Iwant to."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I doona know why you should trust me or forgive me, other than the fact that...that I'm in love with you," he said gruffly. "Tell me what tae do tae win you back, and it's done."

It seemed a thousand emotions warred to overwhelm her. She still felt resentment at Ethan's deceit. Shame and disgust for her parents' actions burned in her.

And she was embarrassed by how badly she wished she knew none of this and could just go back to the life they'd made together.

But above all, she felt...weary.

"I want to get well, to get strong again before I make any decisions." And one place called to her as no other did. "Take me to Carillon."

Maddy had ached for this place, yearning to return to the life she'd had at Carillon. But even after weeks of healing here, she was far from that existence.

She sat in front of her mirror, combing out her hair for bed, musing over her time here. The tension between her and Ethan had been grueling. He was standoffish. She felt awkward. They didn't seem to know what to do with each other.

Whenever she'd strolled the property, savoring all the new blooms and growth and regaining her strength, she'd felt him watching her, felt his palpable yearning. Once she'd been strong enough to ride her horse, he'd accompanied her, remaining silent beside her. If she'd stopped to gather flowers, he would dash over to help her down from the saddle. Each time, he held her longer as he gazed down at her, his eyes dark with emotion.

And this week, when he'd gotten word that Corrine had been found and was on her way to Carillon, Maddy had been so excited she'd hugged him. He hadn't seemed to be able to let her go, even when she pulled back. Finally he had, but he'd been stiff, looking pained.

It had turned out that Corrine had been knocked unconscious in the frantic struggle for Maddy, then carried away from the city by fleeing friends. But she was perfectly safe now and on her way here. The worry for her had been like a weight pressing on Maddy's chest - and now it was lifted.

With each day that passed, Maddy had formed a clearer picture of how she wanted her future to be. She needed to talk to Ethan about what she'd decided, but he seemed like he'd rather have his teeth pulled. Every time she approached him with a serious demeanor, he got an alarmed look about him and changed the subject, or left the room.

Her infallible Highlander seemed unsure, hesitant, and Maddy was just as much so, having no idea how to proceed with him.

She rose from her dresser with a sigh, then crawled into her large, empty bed, missing him like an ache before she fell asleep.

Sometime in the night, thunder boomed outside, and Maddy shot up in bed, gasping for breath. Tears streamed down her face from one of the worst nightmares she'd ever had.

She'd dreamed she was lost on the coast and couldn't find Ethan anywhere. At every turn, around each craggy bend, she got farther and farther from him, no matter how badly she yearned to find him -

Lightning flashed again. A storm was coming, making her ache turn to apprehension, and she leapt to her feet. Had Ethan not heard her cry out? Each night he slept in the room next to hers.

She ran to his room, but he wasn't there. Searching the manor with growing unease, she finally spied a light coming from the orangery and ran down the stairs and along the covered walk to reach him.

Inside, the loud rumble of the boiler echoed against the glass. She'd known he could fix it! But where was he? Catching her breath, she cried,"Ethan?"

The boiler whistled to a stop, and he shot to his feet, dropping tools as he strode for her. "What's happened?" he demanded, grasping her shoulders.

"N-nothing..."Now she felt silly for her reaction, like a frightened girl.

"Is a storm coming, then?" He glanced up at the glass ceiling. "I could no' hear it before."

"I...I think so. What are you doing here so late?"

"I wanted to surprise you. Get this thing running once and for all." He rubbed his palms down her arms. "Tell me what's troubling you, lass."

She gazed up at him and the words slipped out. "What has happened to us? What are we doing?"

"Truth?" he asked, tenderly brushing his thumb over her cheek.

"Truth," she answered with a firm nod.

He exhaled. "I'm giving you time to come to terms with everything, because I'm...I'm bloody dreading that you're going to tell me you want to go."

"Go? Am I going somewhere?"

"Do you no' want to? You have your own estate now. And you said once you got strong again, you'd make a final decision about us."

"Why haven'tyou said anything?"

"I doona want you to go - Ireally doona want you to go - but I dinna want to affect your decision. With everything that's happened - the illness and Bea's death and the babe...everyone thinks you must be feeling battered about just now. And I've been told that I occasionallyexert undue pressure to get my way. I dinna want to push you into a decision you would regret." Catching her eyes, he said, "I'm no' in this for the short cull,aingeal ."

"What if I've been trying to talk to you because I've decided that I want to give us another chance? That I want to stay here or at Carrickliffe or wherever, just as long as we can start again?"

He looked as if she'd slogged him, and his hands fell from her. "Even after all that I did?"

"Ethan, I admit I still have questions. I still have fears. But I don't believe we have to have everything figured out before I can...before I can get my husband back. And Ireally want my husband back."

"You're" - his voice broke lower - "you're keepin' me, then?"

"My life is with you. I just want to get back to it. Mind you, we still have a lot to muddle through, but I think you're worth the chance."

"Howcan you forgive me? There were times when it dinna seem possible tae me."

"Each day here, things became clearer," she murmured as the rain began to fall, pattering on the glass above them. "To forgive you, I simply recall how you faced hell to save my life. And then I remember how amazing it is when we have good days together." She twined her hands behind his neck and lightly pressed her body against the hard warmth of his, craving this closeness so badly. Their breaths were growing shallow, passion stoking, like the building storm outside. "Don't you think that's enough to start with?"

His big hand cupped her nape in that way that made her melt. "If it means I get you back...then, aye, I do." His other trailed to her bottom to gently knead her.

Once the storm began to whip outside, pelting the glass, she strangely was unafraid. For some reason, she didn't feel it was a harbinger of doom this time. She thought it mirrored the intensity of what was growing between them - his dark eyes were promising her a hot, thorough taking, and she knew hers were pleading for it.

He curled his finger under her chin as he rasped, "I'm goin' tae get it right this time, you know."

"I believe that, Scot." She gazed up at him with all the love she felt. "That's why you're still the dark horse I'm betting on."

"Ach, you're lookin' at me like you used tae. A husband could get used tae looks like that."

She smiled, whispering breathlessly, "I wager you're going to have to."

Epilogue

Not to marry, know love, or bind, their fate;

Your line to die for never seed shall take.

Death and torment to those caught in their wake,

Unless each son finds his forechosen mate...

For his true lady alone his life and heart can save.

Carrickliffe, Scotland

Easter Sunday, 1865

Ethan MacCarrick was the oldest brother and head of a family that...flourished.

He relaxed in the shade of an old oak, surveying the rolling lawn before him. His mother, brothers, and their wives and children were all here, gathered to join him and Maddy for an Easter christening.

Maddy sat on a blanket, laughing with the two older of their three amazing bairns. Three children she'd given him, all with bright blue eyes and black hair.

Their first son, Leith - whose entrance into the world had taken years off Ethan's life, though Maddy hadn't thought it was that bad - was now going on seven. He was larger than most twelve-

year-olds and clever, like his mother. Three-year-old Catriona was an imp with delicate features just like Maddy's, who already knew how to manage her da pitiably. And Ethan had their infant son cradled in one of his arms. For some reason, the boy fell asleep better tucked there. They'd named him Niall after one of Ethan's favorite wild cousins, who still harried the Continent with Court's former band of mercenaries.

Ethan had been wary when they'd first had Leith, the infant seeming to take all Maddy's attention away from him. Then his son had begun to cry forhim . And just like his mother, the lad had looked delighted whenever Ethan entered the room.

None of Ethan's bairns were afraid of his scarred visage, and they knew nothing of their father's dark deeds in the past.

Motherhood agreed with Maddy so damned much, and she was an adoring mother, unlike her own. She'd been able to forgive Sylvie for all that the woman had done to her, but not for what she'd done to Ethan.

When Maddy had confided that to him, Ethan had known she'd accepted him as her new family - the two of them together, ready to defend each other, and their children, to the last breath....

They'd married again here at Carrickliffe in a grand wedding, since Ethan had been so eager to show off the bride he'd somehow managed to win. The festivities had been overrun with Weylands, including Quin - who'd only reminded Ethan about a dozen times that he'd been warned about Maddy....

She caught Ethan staring at her then, and she slid him that grin. It still made his heart speed up, always would. He thought he loved her more than was healthy, but had long resigned himself to it. At night, he held her close, his heart so full that his chest ached.

Ethan knew his brothers and mother had been astounded that he was such a doting husband and father. They could be lost for their families, but Ethan couldn't?

Hugh and Jane had one four-year-old son and were "waiting" awhile for the next. Hugh had unaccountably wanted to name their boy after Ethan - and just as puzzling, Jane had let him. Ethan still scratched his head about that one. The lad was their world, and the three were happiest traveling to far-flung places. They were only in town for Niall's christening.

Court and Annal¨ªa had their son Aleix, their daughters little Fiona and toddler Elisabet, and another one on the way. Though Court loved his bairns, he swore each would be the last. Annal¨ªa just smiled and started knitting.

Ethan's mother was delighted with all the grandchildren she'd never thought to have and often said she saw a bit of their grandfather Leith in each one. Presently Fiona was waylaid on the lawn by five of them.

Maddy rose from the blanket and strolled up to Ethan. "Is Niall ready for the bassinet?" she asked. "Or should I call in extra help?" Corrine, Maddy's oldest friend, lived on the property and had turned down a position as steward to become their children's nanny. Corrine had proved so deft at her job that other families shamelessly tried to steal her from them.

"He's sound asleep," Ethan said, then added with a chuckle, "He snores like you."

She lightly cuffed him on the chest. "I donot snore, Scot." She took the babe, kissing him good night before laying him in the shaded crib beside them. When Ethan opened his arms for her, she settled easily on his lap, gazing out with him. He drew her close, and she sighed. "I love you, Ethan."

He pressed a kiss to her sun-warmed hair, inhaling with pleasure. "How I'm lovin' you too, lass," he said. Then a thought struck him. "Right now, if I could give you anything in the world, what would it be?"

"That's easy. A lifetime of this." She waved her hand over the scene, with their children playing and their entire family strong and happy.

He cupped her face, and her blue eyes went soft as she gazed at him. "Done," he said, kissing her lips tenderly. "I'm going to give you that, Maddy MacCarrick."

And Ethan did.

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