Author: Kristan Higgins

“So!” Mom announces as she shoves a platter toward Jack. “Trevor’s here with Hayden, Chastity’s got her nice doctor, and Harry is here! Isn’t this nice!”

Mark rolls his eyes, and Matt smirks, but no one contradicts her.

“Harry,” Mom goes on in the vacuum of conversation, “Hayden and Trevor were engaged once. Isn’t it nice to see you two back together!”

Hayden smiles demurely. “Thanks, Mrs. O’Neill.” My grip on my fork tightens.

“And why was it that you two broke up in the first place?” Mom asks.

“Mom! None of your business!” I blurt.

“No, that’s a natural question, Mrs. O.,” Hayden says. Oh, I hate her. Trevor concentrates on his plate. “I think the timing was just wrong, that’s all.” She smiles at Trevor, who doesn’t contradict her. Doesn’t actually agree, but doesn’t contradict, either.

My stomach aches. Angela was one thing, Perfect Hayden another thing altogether. She’s not worthy of Trevor. She’s had her chance. She blew it. Why is it that women like her have everything? The good guys, the smooth hair, the poreless skin, the cute little figure? Why? Huh?

Mom turns the crosshairs on Ryan next. “And Ryan? What about your people?”

“Your people?” Lucky’s snort turns into a grunt as Tara elbows him in the ribs.

“My parents live on Long Island,” he says. “I have a sister who lives in the city. And I hope to introduce Chastity to them soon.” He looks at me seriously. “Very soon.”

“I can’t wait to meet them,” I say, slipping my hand onto his thigh. He smiles. I smile back. My head hurts.

“So things are serious?” my mom asks, scooping more scalloped potatoes onto her plate.

“Absolutely,” Ryan answers.

I open my mouth to say something—what, I don’t know—but there’s a crash in the kitchen, where the kids are eating under the not so watchful eyes of Jack and Sarah.

“I’ll go see if they need help,” I offer, bolting from the table.

“What’s going on?” Sarah whispers, nodding toward the dining room.

“Auntie!” the kids chorus. A blob of chewed up green bean falls out of Dylan’s mouth, but he just shoves it back in, unconcerned.

“Mom’s interrogating Trevor and me about our intentions,” I answer, then realizing how that sounds, backpedal furiously. “I mean, she asked Trevor if he’s serious with Hayden, and the same about Ryan and me.”

“I know what you meant.” She smiles.

“Will you eat with us, Auntie?” Olivia asks. She’s now missing her two front teeth and looks cuter than ever. Plus, I get a great view of her chewed up food.

“Chastity has her special friend visiting today, honey,” Jack answers. “And are you serious, Chas? He seems like a pretty good guy.”

“Gorgeous,” Sarah murmurs. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

“Yeah. Sure. He’s great,” I say. “We’re serious. Or getting there.” I pause. “Jack, do you know him from around the hospital?”

Jack hesitates. “Yeah, I’ve seen him here and there.”

“And how is he in action?”

Jack takes a sip of his beer. “Well, you know, Chas…he’s a surgeon. All business, not the type to be buddies with us lowly paramedics.” He raises an eyebrow. “But if he’s treating you well, then I won’t care about that.”

The if-only’s are trying to make themselves heard in my brain. If only Trevor…If only Hayden…If only…“You guys need anything?” I ask as Claire torments Annie by showing her the contents of her mouth. “Wine? Sedatives for the children?”

Jack shifts Jenny to his other arm and catches Christopher’s glass just before it falls. “We’re fine, Chas. Thanks, kiddo.”

Without anything holding me in the kitchen, I go back to my place. Hayden murmurs something to Trevor, and he grins reluctantly, and it is with a private vengeance that I scootch my chair that much closer to Ryan’s.

“I know what you were doing today,” Elaina states later that night. We’re sprawled in her living room, both of us disgustingly full from the unexpected feast at Mom’s, both of us wearing sweats, both of us contemplating some Ben & Jerry’s. Dylan is sleeping, exhausted from the cousins.

“What?” I ask.

“Give it up, Chas. I saw you watching Trevor, comparing him to Ryan, doing that lovey-dovey thing every time Hayden said boo to Trev.”

Crap. I didn’t know I was so bleeping transparent. “Oh,” I mumble.

“Let it go, Chas. That ship sailed, right? Let it go. You have a great thing going on with Ryan. Do you know how many women at the hospital would kill their grandmothers to have a chance with that guy?”

“I know, and I like him! He’s great.”

“So why are you still hooked on Trevor?”

“I am not hooked on Trevor!” She snorts. “I’m not!” I protest. “I was, but I’m not anymore! I have a boyfriend and we’re having a marvelous time, okay?”

“Right.”

I sigh, deflating. “So what should I do, Lainey? Huh? Every time I see Trevor…shit. I don’t even want to follow that train of thought.”

Elaina shifts in her chair. “Yeah, yeah. Maybe you could just…” Her voice trails off. “You have to have a better attitude, okay? Stop looking at Ryan as second best. He’s got a lot of good things about him, doesn’t he? And he really likes you, Chas.”

I swallow. “I know. He’s a good guy.”

“So what is it?”

“I guess I feel like he was looking for a candidate for wife, and I sort of fit the bill.”

“Maybe you just need to spend more time together. Shift your attitude, querida. Trevor was your first love, but he doesn’t have to be the gold standard of men.”

Except he is. Elaina reads my thoughts correctly and throws a pillow at my head. “At least give Ryan a real chance, Chas,” she says. “You said you thought you could love this guy, didn’t you?”

“You’re right, you pain in the ass. Let’s hit the ice cream.”

“Sounds good.” Elaina pushes experimentally on her abdomen. “I think I gained five pounds today. Who knew Mamí could cook like that? Fantastic.”

I go to the kitchen and return with bowls of Coffee Heath Bar Crunch topped with billows of whipped cream. Elaina takes a bite, moans and gives me the head wiggle. “How’s the sex? Is the sex good?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, Elaina, the sex is fine. It’s very good.” Not a lie. Ryan is very pleasing in bed. Very pleasing. Jeesh, listen to me. “Let’s talk about your love life. You and Mark were quite civil today. Very unusual. So, how’s it going? Any progress?”

She chews solemnly. “Yes. And that’s all I’m talking about. One of the things he brought up in counseling is that I tell you everything. Oh, and by the way, you’re not supposed to know we’re going to counseling.”

I smile. “Who do you think told him to go, dummy?”

LYING AWAKE IN BED THAT NIGHT, I come to the realization that Elaina is right. Seeing Trevor and Hayden together again made something click into place. That ship sailed. Train left the station. Airplane has taken off. And Ryan really is a wonderful guy, despite his surgeon-arrogance thing. I’ll listen with a more sincere heart when he calls, let myself be charmed by his precisely considerate, almost courtly ways. I can make things work with him. I will have a wonderful, full, happy life. I will. I already do.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

THE POLICE DEPARTMENT’S computer specialist is named, of all things, Chip. As in Computer Chip. He has evicted me from my desk and is presently combing through my files, checking to see if he can find out who hacked into my system. I haven’t had any more nasty e-mails, and no one has gotten through the new firewalls. No one has further hurt my little toys, either. Right now, I wish I hadn’t called the coppers, since it seems to have blown over. And because my cubicle is too small for two (unless I sit on Computer Chip’s lap, which I think he’d like very much), and because Alan is using the conference room for an interview, I’m forced to work on a laptop in the reception area, directly in front of Lucia.

“Computers are such trouble,” she announces in her tight, judgmental voice. “I don’t even have one at home.”

“Teddy Bear doesn’t need one?” I ask.

“Teddy and I don’t live together yet,” she answers. “We’re waiting until we’re married. Saving ourselves till the wedding night.”

Is that what he’s telling you? I want to ask. I don’t wish to picture Lucia’s love life with Teddy Bear, but come on! Does she think it’s normal for a man in his late thirties to be engaged for almost five years and not have sex? Come on!

“Well, I told Penelope,” she continues. “I knew the paper shouldn’t have started a Web site. ‘It’ll stop people from buying the paper,’ I said.”

I roll my eyes, bite my tongue, clench my toes, but nothing works. “That’s just naive, Lucia,” I tell her. “We need a Web site. In ten years, there might not be a paper anymore, but there will still be a Web site.”

“You don’t know that,” she says. “We were supposed to be taking a bus to the moon by now, too.”

I open my mouth to protest, but heck, she’s right. She flips open her compact and checks her man-in-the-iron-mask style makeup. Today’s lipstick is a blood-red matte, which I’ve never once seen smeared or on her teeth. She’s one of those.

As if reading my mind, she says, “You should wear more makeup, Chastity.”

“I tend to look like a drag queen in more makeup,” I say, glancing at my watch.

“Well, I happen to think a woman should care about her appearance,” she says with a disdainful glance at my chinos, perfectly acceptable blue oxford and snazzy red high-tops. “I happen to think a woman should look her best at all times.”

“And I happen to think you’d look a lot prettier if you chiseled off some of that Kabuki makeup and returned to the land of the living,” I return with a big fake smile. She merely gives me a pitying look and answers the phone with her trademark song. “Eaton Falls Gaze-ette! Lucia Downs speaking!”

“I can’t find anything,” Computer Chip says as he approaches me. “Whoever did it hid his route and hid it well. With the number of hits you get on the Web site, it would take weeks, possibly months, to find out. And your case isn’t exactly a big priority right now.”

“But it would be if I were, say, murdered?” I ask.

“Definitely.” He grins. “You wanna go out sometime, Chastity?”

I smile. “Thanks, but no. I’m seeing someone.”

“And it’s serious?” he asks.

“Mm-hm.”

“Too bad for me. Okay. See you around.”

“Bye, Chip,” I call.

Lucia has on her “I stepped in fecal matter” look. “I didn’t know you were seeing someone, Chastity,” she says.

“I’m dating Ryan Darling,” I say, and for the first time, it feels great to drop his credentials. “Do you know him? He’s a doctor. Trauma surgeon. Black belt in karate. Blond hair, green eyes, six foot two, body like Matthew McConnaughey. I’m going down to the Hamptons this weekend to meet his parents. Well. Must talk to Pen. See you, Lucia.”

THREE DAYS LATER, I’ve never been so happy to be back home.

The trip to Long Island was a mixed bag. The bad thing…well, we’ll get to that. The good thing: We got to see a Yankees game and they won. Oh, and our sex life has made the leap to hyperspace, and not just because I was within spitting distance of Derek Jeter (though that couldn’t have hurt).