Author: Kristan Higgins

His hand is warm and firm on mine, and the heat of his body shimmers into me, even though we’re keeping the proper distance. My cheek grazes his, just enough to feel that he’s clean-shaven today, and heat wiggles through me. I’m actually dizzy with the nearness of him.

Then the song fades, Trevor pauses—the Chicken Dance is sure to follow—but no, the fates decide to be kind, and the DJ sticks with Nora. “Come Away with Me.” Oh, God. I can hardly breathe. We start dancing again.

“Hi,” I whisper.

“I didn’t tell you how beautiful you look,” he says, and it’s hard to look into his chocolate eyes with words like that.

“Thank you.” My voice isn’t working properly. My hand is on the back of his neck, my fingers just brushing against his hair, wanting to slide into the richness there. I can see the pulse in his neck, and maybe it’s a little fast. We don’t say anything for a minute. My heart is pounding so fast I feel a little faint. I try to absorb every sensation—his heat, his hands on me, the clean soapy smell of him.

“Where’s your fiancé?” Trevor asks casually.

I stiffen slightly, and Trevor steps back a little. “Well,” I breathe. “Um, we sort of broke up.”

Trevor’s eyes widen a fraction, an eyebrow raising in surprise. He stops dancing, but none of the other couples seem to notice, too caught up in being in love. “Why?” Trevor whispers, still holding my hand, his arm still around me.

My heart thumps harder, slower, each beat waiting for my answer as I stare into Trevor’s eyes. I open my mouth to give some answer, some casual it-didn’t-work-out kind of thing. But instead, I hear myself say something else entirely.

“Because he wasn’t you.”

Trevor’s lips part ever so slightly. He blinks twice. He doesn’t say anything. The song ends.

“How about that, folks?” the DJ bleats. “And now to change the pace a little. Anyone here know the Macarena?” Everyone claps and cheers, and I feel my dress being tugged.

“Auntie! Auntie! I know the Macarena!” Claire shouts. “Come on! It’s fun! ‘Hey…Macarena!’”

I put my hand on her head, and Trevor takes a step back. Without saying a word, he walks off the dance floor and out of the church hall.

MY MIND IS BLANK FOR THE REST of the reception. My heart is blank, too. It can only take so much, I surmise. Maybe it’s getting used to being in this state of brokenness, of incompleteness. Who knows? Hey, you did all you could, my heart whispers. Thanks for trying.

I dance with my nieces and nephews. I pick them up and twirl them and pretend I’m going to drop them, and they shriek and jump and wait impatiently for their turns with their beloved Auntie. I wave to my mom and smile at my brothers. When Mark asks where Trevor went, I just shake my head and shrug. Then I dance with Harry, towering five inches above him.

“I want you to know how lucky I feel,” he says. “Your mother is a splendid woman. I’ll take good care of her.”

“You better,” I mutter, then correct myself. “I know you will, Harry. Sorry.” He smiles his forgiveness.

Just as I’m about to sit down with various and sundry family members for our rubber chicken, my mother approaches. “Will you make a toast, honey?” she asks. “Harry’s brother is very shy.”

“Sure,” I say automatically. Dad, who’s sitting across from me, gives a nod. Mom flutters across to the DJ, then zips back to Harry.

“And now,” says the DJ, who really should work for Barnum & Bailey, “the daughter of the bride, Chastity O’Neill, will say a few words for the happy couple.” I make my way over to the dance floor and take the microphone, then turn to the guests.

My mind goes completely blank.

“So,” I say. “Well.” I swallow. “Hello.”

Lucky, always the first to start misbehaving, covers his face with his hand. Tara shoots him a look but immediately looks down as her own laughter rises. Then Mark, then Elaina and Matt, then a few of the kids. I grin, and my heart seems to approve. We’ll be okay, it says.

“Shut up, boys. Sorry, Mom.” I grin, then take a deep breath. “I guess there are a lot of kinds of love,” I begin.

“Chastity.”

I freeze.

Trevor is standing at the back of the hall.

“Chastity,” he says again, and starts walking toward me.

It’s silent in here now; the only sound, that of the caterers clattering in the adjoining kitchen. Something’s wrong with me, I think distantly, watching Trevor come closer and closer. My legs start shaking, my eyes sting, my heart races. I may throw up.

“Chastity,” he says quietly. “I can’t live without you another minute.”

The mike falls to the dance floor with a thunk as I cover my mouth with both hands. Tears spill out of my eyes, and I can’t seem to draw a breath. The room is absolutely silent.

“I’ve loved you my whole life, Chas, from that first day you took me home after Michelle died. And I’m terrified you’ll leave me or you’ll stop loving me or even worse, something will happen to you. But I can’t be without you anymore.” He takes my hands, which are shaking wildly, and swallows. “Today I watched Mike give away the woman he loves. I can’t do that, Chas. I thought I could, I thought it would be better if you were with someone else, but I was wrong. And I swear to you, I will love you the rest of my life and nothing will ever come before you. Please, Chastity. Forgive me and marry me and have a bunch of babies with me, and I’ll—”

The rest of his words are cut off, because I’m kissing him. And crying, bawling, really, and Trevor hugs me hard and long. His arms are shaking, and his eyes are wet. Then he pries me off him and slides a ring onto my finger. “I had to go to Jurgenskill for this,” he says, grinning. “Nothing in town was open.” I just wrap my arms around him again, because really, I don’t even care what the ring looks like; it could be a piece of string as far as I’m concerned. All I can do is cling to Trevor and weep, apparently.

“Well, holy crap!” my father blurts in the silence. “Where the hell did this come from?”

“About time,” Mark declares.

“Here, here,” Jack seconds.

“You’re telling me,” Matt says. “Try living with her.”

“Did you guys know?” Lucky asks. “I’ve known for years.”

“Can I be your flower girl?” Claire asks.

But I hardly hear anyone, because Trevor is kissing me and whispering, over and over, “I love you, Chas. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

EPILOGUE

EIGHT MONTHS LATER, I have to pee so badly I may die.

“I know, it’s uncomfortable,” Sally the tech says, squeezing warm goo onto my stomach. “But just you wait. It’s worth it. How far along are you?”

“Fourteen weeks,” I answer.

Trevor takes my hand and squeezes it hard, grinning, those beautiful brown eyes dancing.

We got married a month after my mom’s wedding. We had no flower girls or limos. I wore a cute little white dress and my red high-tops. Buttercup waited outside, baying mournfully, and Matt sneaked her in just before the ceremony started, distracting the clerk with his movie-star good looks.

City Hall was packed with O’Neills, C Platoon, A Platoon and D Platoon (B Platoon had to work), Bev Ludevoorsk, Ernesto and his wife and the whole staff of the Eaton Falls Gazette, minus Lucia, who quit the day after her first date with Ryan Darling, M.D.

Nothing fancy, just Elaina as my matron of honor and my father as best man. I was bawling by the time Trevor took my hand and told me he’d love me and cherish me all the days of his life. In fact, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Dad was crying, Mom was crying, Elaina was hiccupping away, the Starahs…even Harry, still mostly a stranger to me, was crying! We went to Emo’s for the reception. It was the most beautiful wedding ever.

If you’re wondering about Perfect Hayden, well, guess what? Trevor dumped her the night I went over with the note. When I asked him why, he just said, “Why do you think, dummy?” And then he kissed me, and we ended up doing it on the stair landing, not able to wait till we got to our bed upstairs.

“So do you guys want to know the sex?” the tech asks, staring at the screen.

“Sure,” Trevor answers. I concentrate on the blurry, otherworldly images on the screen.

Suddenly, we can see a profile…a little nose, forehead, lips, a tiny, ghostly hand. My heart bucks, and Trevor sucks in a breath.

“There’s your baby.” Sally smiles.

Our baby. That’s our baby. I look at my husband, unable to speak. His eyes are full of tears. I smile wobbily, and he kisses my hand.

“Oh, hey, what’s this?” Sally says, frowning at the screen.

My stomach drops, and an ice-cold wave of fear sucks the joy out of my heart.

“What is it?” Trevor asks, his hand gripping mine.

“Huh,” she murmurs. “Did you guys know you were having twins?”

It takes a minute for those words to register. “Holy crap,” I breathe, a huge smile bursting over my face.

Trevor’s shoulders are shaking, his hand covering his face. Laughing, crying, some of both. “Oh, Chastity, I love you,” he whispers.

“They’re identical,” Sally says. “See that? One placenta, one sac. How wonderful!”

“Can you tell what they are?” I ask, turning back to look at my babies. My babies!

“I sure can,” she says. “Congratulations. You’re having boys.”

“Holy crap!” Trevor blurts, laughing. “Oh, my God. You’re amazing, Chastity. Wait till your father hears.”

Smiling, crying from the sheer joy of it, I reach down and touch my slightly rounded stomach. My boys. My sons. Four brothers, the Eaton Falls Fire Department, Trevor and now twin sons.

Looks like I’ll always be one of the guys.

And you know what? That’s fine with me.