Tes,' said Kate. 'My husband was killed in a plane crash over four years ago.'

'Oh, how terrible,' said Mrs. Tukesbury. 'I am so sorry~ didn't. . .'

'Shush, my dear,' said the man of God, now more interested in the church roof, than in his wife's sentiments. 'And you, sir?'

'I have never been married before,' said William.

'I shall have to telephone the bishop.' Clutching Williamls cheque, the Reverend disappeared into the next room.

Mrs. Tukesbury invited them to sit down and offered them the plate of cucumber sandwiches. She chatted on, but William and Kate did not hear her words as they sat gazing at each other.

The vicar returned three cucumber sandwiches later.

'It's highly irregular, highly irregular, but the bishop has agreed, on the condition, Mr. Kane, that you will confirm everything at the American Embassy tomorrow morning and then with your own bishop at St. Paul's in Boston ... Massachusetts immediately you return home.'

He was still clutching the five - hundred - pound cheque.

'All we need now is two witnesses,' he continued. 'My wife can act as one, and we must hope that the verger is still around, so that he can be the other!

'He is still around, I assure you,' said William.

'How can you be so certain, Mr. Kane?'

'He cost me one per cent.'

'One per cent?' said the Reverend Tukesbury, baffled.

'One per cent of your church roof,' said William.

The vicar ushered William, Kate and his wife down the little path back to the church and blinked at the waiting verger.

'Indeed, I perceive that Mr. Sprogget has remained on duty ... He has never done so for me; you obviously have a way with you, Mr. Kane.'

Simon Tukesbury put on his vestments and a surplice while the verger stared at the scene in disbelief.

William turned to Kate and kissed her gently. 'I know it's a damn silly question in the circumstances, but will you marry me?'

'Good God,' said the Reverend Tukesbury, who had never blasphemed in the fifty - seven years of his mortal existence. 'You mean you haven't even asked her?'

Fifteen minutes later, Mr. and Mrs. William Kane left the parish church of Henley - on - Tliames, Oxfordshire. Mrs. Tukesbury had had to supply the ring at the last moment, which she twitched from a curtain in the vestry. It was a perfect fit. The Reverend Tukesbury had a new roof, and Mr. Sprogget a yam to tell them down at The Green Man where he spent most of his five pounds.

Outside the church the vicar handed William a piece of paper. 'Two shillings and sixpence, please!

'What for?'asked William.

'Your marriaoe certificate, Mr. Kane.'

Tou should have taken up banking, sir,' said William, handing Mr. Tukesbury half a crown.

He walked his bride in blissful silence back down the High Street to the Bell Inn. They had a quiet dinner in the fifteenth - century oak - beamed dining room, and went to bed at a few minutes past nine. As they disappeared up the old wooden staircase to their room, the chief receptionist turned to the hall porter and winked. 'If they're married, I'm the King of England!

William started to hum 'God Save the King!

The next morning Mr. and Mrs. Kane had a leisurely brrakfast while the car was fixed. (His father would have told him all it needed was a new fan belt.) A young waiter poured them both a coffee.

'Do you like it black or shall I add some milk?' asked William innocently.

An elderly couple smiled benignly at them.

'With milk, please,' said Kate as she reached across and touched Williarn!s hand gently.

He smiled back at her, suddenly aware the whole room was now staring at them. a They returned to London in the cool early spring air, travelling through Henley, over the Thames, and then on up through Berkshire and Middlesex into London.

'Did you notice the look the porter gave you this morning, darling?'asked William.

'Yes, I think perhaps we should have shown him our marriage certificate.'

'No, no, you'd have spoilt his whole image of the wanton American woman.

The last thing he wants to tell his wife when he returns home tonight is that we were really married!

When they arrived back at the Ritz in time for lunch, the desk manager was surprised to find William cancelling Kate's room. He was heard to comment later: 'Young Mr. Kane appeared to be such a gentleman. His late and distinguished father would never have behaved in such a way.'

William and Kate took the Aquitania back to New York having first called at the American embassy in Grosvenor Gardens to inform a consul of their new marital status. The consul gave them a long official form to fill out, charged them one pound, and kept them waiting for well over an hour. The American embassy, it seemed, was not in need of a new roof. William wanted to go to Carder's in Bond Street and buy a gold wedding ring, but Kate would not hear of it - nothing was going to part her from the precious curtain ring.