Soon he’s with me again, his arms around me, pulling me into the shower. The warm water washes over me, though it really doesn’t soothe anything. Jackson’s hands rub over my body, and I realize he’s got his palms filled with soap. I don’t move. I don’t make a sound. I just stand there, unmoving. Jackson washes my hair four times, and my skin five, and then he tugs me gently out of the shower and wraps a towel around me.

“Baby, I need you to open your eyes for me,” he encourages.

I don’t.

“Please, look at me.”

I shake my head, clutching his arms. He wraps himself around me, tucking me into his big frame. I cling to him, not wanting to let go.

“I’m sorry,” he rasps. “So fuckin’ sorry.”

I don’t speak, I just hang onto him. I just need something to hold on to. He leans down, scooping me into his arms again, and then he carries me out into the main area and over to his small, private space. He sets me down on the large air mattress, and gently strokes my hair.

“Daddy,” I hear Addison’s voice. “Is she...ok?”

“I don’t know baby,” Jackson rasps, like he’s about to breakdown. “I don’t know. She won’t talk. She won’t open her eyes.”

“Can I try?” Addison asks.

“Yeah, I need to go and sort out this mess.”

Like my body comes to life, I bolt upright and scream, “No! Please, don’t leave me again!”

Jackson flinches, and his eyes are bloodshot red. He has wet jeans on, and no shirt. I start to shake, swinging my head from side to side. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop it. I don’t want him to go. I want him to stay with me. I need him.

“Jackson, no, please. Don’t leave me.”

He walks over, dropping to his knees. “I’m not leaving you, baby. I’m here, you hear me?”

He wraps me in his arms, and lays us both down. He holds me so tightly I struggle to breathe, but I don’t care. I need it. I need him. I cling to him, shaking wildly.

“Stop shakin’ for me, darlin’. It’s ok. I got you. I won’t let you go.”

“I’m s-s-s-sorry. This...is all my fault.”

“Hush.”

He holds me tighter, until my world begins to spin and everything goes black.

I’m thankful for that darkness.

~**~

JACKSON

“She needs to eat,” Spike says, as we stare in at Serenity, who is curled up like a tiny fairy, sleeping.

“I don’t know if she will, fuck, she saw some bad shit.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Sorry man, I know he was one of your guys,” I say, clapping Spike’s shoulder.

“It’s fucked, but sometimes it happens. We are holding a service for him next week.”

“He have a family?”

“No, thank fuck.”

“What are we goin’ to do about Hogan?” I ask, feeling my fists clench.

“I don’t know, we need to call a meeting and get a game plan underway. We don’t have long. He’ll be on the hunt now.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I know.”

“Get your girl sorted and I’ll call a meeting.”

I nod. “Thanks Spike, for everything.”

He grips my shoulder. “I know what it’s like to hurt, boss. Sometimes you go to a place you can’t get out of. You’re out now, and all will come good.”

“I fuckin’ hope so.”

“Yeah,” Spike says, turning and walking to the door. “So do I.”

I turn back to Serenity, and grip the small plate of sandwiches off the table, and carry it over to the bed. Looking at her sleeping, her tiny body all bruised and battered again, makes my body coil up with regret. The poor girl, I was an asshole to her, and I put her in a position that could have gotten her killed. I could have killed her, and my child.

I reach down, running my fingers over her thick hair. She groans and shifts, and I see how skinny she’s gotten in the past few days. Poor thing, it’s my fault for being such a pig to her. I gently shake her, and she groans again, fluttering her eyes open. She looks up at me for a moment, seeing nothing, and then her eyes soften and my heart fucking rips in half. After it all, she’s still lookin’ at me like I’m her knight in shining motherufckin’ armor.

“Hey beautiful,” I say. “You need to wake up. You’ve been asleep for hours.”

She blinks, and I notice her eyes are red and glassy. She rubs them, and forces herself up on her elbows.

“I...I don’t feel so good.”

“You need to eat for me,” I say, pushing the plate towards her.

“I...c-c-can’t.”

“Baby,” I say, dropping onto the bed. “For me? Please.”

Nodding, she lifts the sandwich into her hands and nibbles on it.

“You need some painkillers?”

She shakes her head. “I’m ok.”

“Are you sure? What about...ummm...”

“The baby?” she whispers, looking at me through her lashes.

“Yeah, the baby.”

“I don’t know...I think I need to see a doctor.”

My heart hammers. “Why?”

She shrugs. “Well...all the beatings and dehydration...”

“Fuck, this is all my fault.”

She shakes her head, reaching out and gripping my hands. “No, this one is my fault. I lied; I put myself in this position.”