Prologue

Carter

The first thing I felt was ice cold water against my legs.

My eyes flew open, but I saw nothing. I blinked rapidly and tried to shake my aching head to gain some clarity. But everything was black.

I was hysterical. I flailed my body, feeling constricted and in shock. I tried to make sense of all this, but I was too disoriented to string a single thought. I couldn’t understand. My brain wasn’t registering. I felt short-winded and terrified, trying to piece one and one together in complete darkness.

I heard the sound of metal groaning above my head, and the freezing cold water moved higher, sitting now at hip level in my seat. My seat. I was in a fucking seat. I remembered that much. My hands shook as I tried to undo my belt, and my breaths turned to short pants. What the hell was happening? I didn’t know. I opened my mouth and shouted out a bunch of gibberish as the hysteria from within climbed to dizzying heights.

I can’t see.

I can’t fucking see.

I didn’t know what I was doing.

I couldn’t even undo my belt.

I felt claustrophobic and trapped.

I’m helpless, and I’m going to die right here.

“Here, I got you,” said a familiar voice. I recognized it as the flight attendant that’d offered me peanuts before take-off.

Julie.

That’s what she said her name was.

It was a relief to my ears.

Hands touched mine and I heard the belt snap open.

“Move,” Julie cried out. “The water’s getting higher. We have to go. Now, now, now!”

“I can’t see,” I choked out, hardly able to believe the vulnerable sound was coming out of my own mouth. “I can’t… I can’t see. Everything is black.” I let out another trembling breath. “Don’t – don’t leave me.”

Her hand gripped my arm, pulling me up and out of my seat. I could hardly stand straight. I felt like I was tilted at an awkward angle, and all my body wanted to do was fall forward. But the water rushed all the way inside, climbing within seconds to my face.

“I’ve got you!” the woman screamed. “I’ve got you! Don’t let go! Hold on! We have to swim out of here!”

I took a deep breath and did as she said.

I was disoriented. I couldn’t see, but the hand around mine meant everything to me, and it was taking me up and up. I kicked and swam, but I felt scorching pain in my other arm. It was broken. That was the only explanation, and it hurt. Fuckin’ hell, it hurt more than anything.

Suddenly, something large passed between the link to my only hope, and I was torn from her. Jolted back without warning, I scrambled to have that hand back on mine. I extended both hands out in every direction, waiting for that grip in the darkness to come back to me.

But as the seconds passed, there was nothing.

Nothing but the screams I felt from within.

The fear of death washed over me. I kicked and swam, not knowing what was up and what was down.

Had I swam in circles?

My lungs ached, my head was dizzy, and my body felt like it’d been pounded by the icy cold water. I was moving nowhere. God, I was probably swimming in the wrong direction. Deeper and deeper into the water.

I’m dying.

I’m dying.

And the worst part of all was I had nothing to think of that could soothe me in death’s arms. Nothing but… her, but she was gone now and it was all my fault.

I’ve got nothing.

You couldn’t take money to your grave. You couldn’t take awards or fake bitches vying for your attention for the sole reason of being in the spotlight. None of that meant anything to you when you were knocking on death’s door.

I was going to die a lonely man with a life filled with regrets.

Regrets I would never fix.

What could I have done differently?

A vague curtain of light took over my senses and a sharp breeze whipped past my face. I immediately realized I’d surfaced from the water, and I desperately gasped in the air and coughed. I tasted blood in my mouth, and I swallowed the coppery taste down. Then I shouted incoherently and spun around in the still water.

I still couldn’t see, but I was out.

I’m alive.

One

Leah

2013

24 years old

“I’m leaving you.”

Standing behind the couch, I could do nothing but blink at him. I sort of figured that out like ten minutes ago, but whatever.

I watched Brett race around the room, packing away his X-Box and video games. I think I was sadder to watch those go than him.

“Why are you dumping my bestie again?” Mel asked from the couch, feasting on her popcorn as the commercials aired in the background. “I think I need to hear it out of your mouth because I’m a little stumped.”

Brett paused, shoving back his dark hair out of his eyes. He looked at us with exasperation, like we were too thick to understand. Pointing at me, he said to her, “I know who she’s been with! That rock star all over the magazines! I can’t compete with that. I didn’t sign up for this dishonesty! I saw him at the checkout today, and I swear to God, he was mocking me. Telling me I’m nothing but second best!”

Mel glanced at me with wide eyes before she replied to him, “You saw him at the checkout?”

He stiffened for a moment and straightened his posture. Looking away, he muttered under his breath, “Yeah, I saw him.”

“The real him?”

“Well, it was the magazine, but he was staring right at me, so yeah, it was real in a different sense.”

When Mel looked back at me, I just shrugged. Honestly, I really didn’t care. I’d toughened it out with the guy for two months, which was a feat of its own. He was funny, sure, but in that too-awkward-and-need-to-be-pitied kind of way. He had some wicked video games, which made work nights on the couch pretty fun, and the sex….

…

…

Well, the sex was possibly the most important thing I would not miss about Brett the fucking Dentist. I still could not shake the memory of my first encounter with him in bed just two weeks ago – after weeks of kissing and unsatisfying make-outs – and the way he spread my legs wider than anyone had ever spread them before, until my bones ached. He settled himself between them and stared at me for a solid ten seconds. It was like he was trying to stare into my soul, but he wasn’t. Not even close. And when he finally entered me, his dirty talk was dirtier in the sense it rotted my brain cells just hearing it.