The only indication of Mom’s plot is a simple slate gravesite marker, so different than the ornate headstone that marks my sister’s grave. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, the dirt I left behind has turned to green grass. Her site looks just like everyone else’s around here now. It sort of makes me feel bad that there’s nothing to make her spot stand out.

I sit for a while, thinking about how much my life has changed since the last time I was here. I was sad that day too. “I miss you, Mom,” I whisper. “At least Emily has you.” A tear runs down my cheek. “How come I’m the one that got left behind?

Chapter 42

Zack—

Two days later

“My ass is numb,” Keller shifts in his seat in the front of the Charger.

“It matches your brain then,” I retort quickly.

“How much longer we have to go?” he asks.

“You’re worse than a five year old.”

He shrugs and begins to entertain himself by tossing jellybeans in the air and trying to catch them in his mouth. My floor is covered with all his misses.

“So what’s the chick’s name we’re meeting again?”

Seriously? I just said her name ten minutes ago. “Ashley. Her name is Ashley.”

“Is she hot?”

“I have no idea. I’ve never met her. You know all this already, bonehead.”

“I forgot. How’s her voice at least?”

“I don’t know. Fine I guess.” I concentrate on the never-ending road in front of me. We’ve been on the road for eighteen hours, not counting the six hours we stopped at some flea bag motel to crash for a while last night.

“She better be hot since I agreed to come all this way with you,” he warns, tossing a purple jellybean in the air that hits him in the nose before bouncing to the floor.

“You didn’t agree to come. Because I didn’t invite you.”

“I’m here aren’t I?”

“Because you showed up at my house at the time you knew I was leaving and yelled road trip.”

“Yeah, so I agreed to come.”

“Whatever.” I shake my head. There’s no point in trying to explain the difference to Keller. I’m actually grateful to have the company. The trip has been long and boring, my eyes getting heavy behind the wheel on more than one occasion.

My heart rate speeds up as we pass a sign that reads Welcome to Texas. I can’t wait to see her. It’s been torture for the past week. I was climbing the walls when Ashley finally called me yesterday.

“Did you know Emily was Nikki’s sister?” she asked the minute I picked up the phone.

“No!” I exclaimed. “And who the hell is this?”

“It’s Ashley. I’m …”

“I know who you are.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Nikki talked about you all the time. Are you with her?”

“Yes. Well, not right this minute. She’s out running. Again.”

“Is she okay?”

“No. She’s a puddle.”

“A puddle?” I inquired, not understating the term.

“You know. Cries all the time. I don’t have long. She’s like my shadow lately…I’m sure she’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Where are you?”

“We’re back at my house. She’s decided she’s dropping out of school and starting a supermarket career at Kroger’s since you’ve stopped calling her because you only really loved her sister. She thinks you were trying to replace Emily with the closest copy you could find. Are you?”

My heart squeezes in my chest. “Of course not. I love her, Ashley.”

“Well, when you stopped calling nineteen times a day she kind of assumed you didn’t. Know what I mean?”

“Her Aunt and my mother told me to give her space. They said she needed to process it all and that I was just pushing her too fast.” Damn I’ll never listen to anyone again. My gut told me they were wrong, that I needed to keep after her. I thought giving her space would only make her fill in the missing pieces with things that didn’t exist. I wasn’t wrong.

“Well her Aunt and your Mother got it ass backwards. She’s gone from depressed to angry. You may want to be prepared if you come. She’s probably going to unload on you,” Ashley warns.

“Thanks, but I can handle it. I’m leaving in the morning,” I told Ashley— no thinking about it and no waiting. I’m done following every else’s stupid advice.

“I told her we would go back to the depressing water tower she likes so much tomorrow. She thinks it heals her or some stupid crap like that,” Ashley snapped and I understood why Nikki likes her so much— straight shooter. Not much of a filter.

“Where’s the depressing water tower. That’s where I’ll head,” I said, not giving her an option.

“It’s in Brookside.”

“Give me the address.”

I’m still shocked that she did. My parents weren’t exactly happy I was skipping out of school and driving a quarter of the way across the country, but they really didn’t object too strenuously. My guess is they knew I was going no matter what they threatened.

***

We arrive right on time at the water tower where Ashley told us to meet her.

Keller gets out of the car with me. “You’re staying down here,” I say. “Wait a little bit to see if her friend Ashley is with her, I’ll send her down to you if she is. Either way, take the car and go find us a hotel for tonight.”