I chuckled into the phone. “Are you harassing Mateo?”

“No, but if he would have taken 79th instead of 77th, as I told him, we wouldn’t be stuck in this traffic.” His voice was loud, clearly making his point to both Mateo and I as he spoke. I smiled to myself, thinking how well I knew Jack’s personality.

“Listen, we had some bus problems and we are all packed into our bus for the next day or so.”

“I heard.”

“You heard?” At first I was confused, but then I realized of course he had heard. Arminio, our new security, probably reported every step we took to him. The security detail turned out to be less intrusive than I had imagined. Arminio kept his distance and didn’t get involved in our business — or at least I had thought he didn’t until then.

“Is your admirer keeping his distance?”

I knew he was referring to Justin, but I wasn’t going to give Jack the satisfaction of pretending it was obvious. “My admirer?

“You know, the one with the tattoos that sings songs to my girl and wants in your pants?”

“Very nice, Jack.”

Jack chuckled. “Well, if you’re going to pretend you don’t know who your admirer is, I need to be more direct then, don’t I?”

“Direct is your strong suit,” I replied sarcastically.

We talked until it was almost time for me to go on, and I told Jack I would call him the next morning.

“Lock your bedroom door.”

“Yes, Jack.” I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me.

“Stop rolling your eyes at me and say goodnight, Syd.”

How did he do that? I shook my head and said goodnight in a frustrated tone, which made Jack chuckle even more.

***

It was a beautiful night and our post-show party ended up taking place right outside of the bus rather than moving to the nearest bar as we occasionally did. A few excited fans were allowed to join us, who I noticed were all attractive females wearing tight clothes.

Some of the girls were nice, asking for Sienna and I to pose for pictures with them and Justin and Kyle, but others must have viewed us as threats to their chances of hooking up with the guys, and gave Sienna and I attitudes.

When it was finally time to pull out, our bus became a rolling party on wheels. Adding four men to the bus completely changed the dynamic from the usual post-show bus ride that Sienna and I would have had alone.

Sienna and I took on Kyle and Justin in a Rock Band drinking game that we’d created, where the team with the lowest score at the end of each song had to do a shot. Perhaps Sienna and I should have thought about the fact that both Kyle and Justin were professional guitar players before accepting the challenge. By the end of the fifth song, I was slurring my words and definitely feeling no pain.

Lucky for me, I knew my limit was rapidly approaching and pulled out of the game while I could still walk. Sienna, on the other hand, was never able to walk away from a challenge, and Kyle’s constant goading only made her more emphatic that she would win. Which never happened.

Eventually, Sienna stumbled to bed and I watched Kyle take the hand of the groupie who had been parked patiently next to him all night and lead her to the back of the bus. I knew there were groupies, but seeing it firsthand still shocked me. They would get on a bus filled with men they really knew nothing about and spend a night, only to be dumped at a rest stop the next day, usually hundreds of miles away from where they had started, when they were no longer needed.

I looked to Justin, who was sipping a beer and staring out the window at the other end of the couch. We were suddenly alone and the room was quieter than it had been since they had all joined us.

“Doesn’t it bother you guys to sleep with women that have no idea who you really are? They want the rock star and don’t seem to care who the man is.”

Justin turned his attention to me. “Sometimes you take what you can get.”

“That’s not true. You guys can get whatever you want.”

Justin poured a shot of tequila and handed it to me. I took it, knowing I probably shouldn’t after all I had already drank. But Justin and I had finally started to get along again and I didn’t want to turn him down.

“Not whatever we want, Syd.” Justin held up his shot and motioned cheers and I watched as the liquid disappeared down his throat in one long swallow. Justin truly was a handsome man, chiseled features with a rock star edge that easily elevated his status to swoon-worthy for his female fans. I swallowed my shot and it dawned on me as my head became fuzzy that Justin could have brought any of the women who had been hanging on him all night back to the bus, but he hadn’t.

I handed Justin my empty shot glass. “Couldn’t find one that you wanted tonight?” My words came out slightly slurred.

Justin’s face moved closer to mine, as if he was going to tell me a secret. “Oh, there was one that I wanted tonight.” His voice was a low whisper, his words spoken with intimacy.

It must have been the tequila slowing my brain, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized what he meant. I raised my eyes and found Justin’s eyes searing into me, blazing with desire. It made my breath hitch unexpectedly and Justin noticed it.

I watched as he looked from my eyes to my mouth and then back to my eyes again. Then he leaned in and kissed me. It all happened in slow motion, yet so fast that it took me a second to realize what was happening. Between my brain swimming in tequila and the softness of his lips on mine, I may have taken a second too long before pulling away. But I did pull away.

“I’m sorry, Justin, I can’t. I’m in love with Jack.” My words were brutally honest and I hadn’t thought about what to say — the words just fell out of my mouth.

I watched as the gentleness in Justin’s eyes changed from desire to hurt, and his tender face contorted into anger. “You’re a f**king tease, Sydney.”

“What?” I was surprised at his words, but even more shocked at the venom that spilled from his tone. I was halfway to drunk, but I knew Justin was barely buzzed so it definitely wasn’t the alcohol talking.

“You sit there and flirt with me all night like you’re innocent and then when I react, you tell me you’re in love with the p**n king.”

His words hit me like a slap in the face. I didn’t really care if he called me names, but talking badly about Jack was not something I could sit there and listen to. I was just about to speak when Justin stood, looking down at me as he spoke.

“I knew he looked familiar but I couldn’t place his face until I saw the news a few weeks ago. He looked mighty cozy with the p**n queen. How long do you think it will last before he goes back to a pro, Syd?”

And with those parting hurtful words that roiled in my stomach, Justin stomped back to the bunks and left me sitting on the couch with my head spinning.

***

The next few weeks were rough. I was growing tired of being on a bus and tired of avoiding Justin. The day after Justin kissed me on the bus, I contemplated talking to him, clearing the air between us when we were sober and trying to move forward. But Justin didn’t have time to talk after that. He had a new girl every night from there on, sometimes more than one at a time, and other days more than once a day. I was just grateful that their bus had been fixed quickly or I would have had to have disinfected the bus on a daily basis, sometimes more than once a day.

For his part, Justin seemed to steer clear of me too, which was more than fine with me. I didn’t know if Justin had told Kyle about what had happened, but I could tell the way that he looked between the two of us on occasion that he knew something had occurred. I had confided in Sienna the next day, and then thrown around the idea of being honest with Jack about what had happened. But after a day of thinking it over I decided it was probably best to keep it to myself until I saw him again in person. Nothing had really happened in the end anyway. And telling Jack would only make him upset, leaving him to wonder what I was doing each night we were apart. It was definitely a conversation that needed to be had in person, rather than on the phone separated by thousands of miles.

Chapter 15

The first night I was back in New York for my planned visit home was surreal. At first, it was odd to go home to Jack’s instead of where I had lived when I’d left for the tour. I wondered if it would feel weird to walk in and out without knocking and if it would ever feel like my old apartment had to me. In the nine weeks that I had been gone, Jack had moved me out of my apartment and into his. Although I had technically lived with him for a few months, I hadn’t stayed there since I had been just a guest before I left.

Even though my break was only four days, we spent the whole first day and night in bed together. We ordered in for food, but other than that we didn’t see another soul for 24 hours. We didn’t even turn on the television. It was just me and Jack, and it warmed my heart to feel that he didn’t want to share me as much as I didn’t want to share him that first day.

The second night I was home was the night of the AVN Awards. I was nervous about the night and had no idea what to expect. Jack told me the event was run like any other awards ceremony, beginning with a red carpet and ending with various parties thrown by the industry. The only difference, according to Jack, was that the performers receiving awards were adult film stars instead of mainstream celebrities. But being that I had never been to either a mainstream celebrity award show or an adult entertainment award show, I was a bundle of nerves as I got ready.

I looked in the mirror one final time before leaving the bathroom, excitement mixing with my nerves. I knew I looked good, but it didn’t help to calm the jitters I had about being in a room filled with beautiful people with perfect bodies. Jack stepped into the bedroom from the living room at the same moment I entered the bedroom from the master bathroom. What I saw took my breath away.

Jack’s normally disheveled — but in a completely sexy way — hair, was slicked back in a look that conjured up a celebrity from fifty years ago. He looked like he had just stepped out of a Cary Grant movie in his perfectly-tailored tuxedo, with a black bow tie and crisp white fitted shirt. He was always jaw-droppingly handsome, but that night he was beyond spectacular. He looked like a celebrity of yesteryear, the kind that people put up on a pedestal for their classic good looks.

Jack stood in the doorway and smiled at me and my heart rate accelerated at the sight of him. After I’d had my fill of taking him in, I watched as Jack did the same to me. I’d heard the phrase undress you with his eyes a thousand times before, but I never fully understood it until I watched Jack’s eyes take me in. As was usual for Jack, he made no effort to hide his indulgence, which excited me even more.

“You look amazing. I’m torn between wanting to show you off and making you wear my jacket all night.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes at him, but I secretly loved his possessive compliment.

“Come here.”

I looked at his face and knew what he wanted. “Jack,” I warned, “you’ll mess up my dress and give me just-fucked hair.”

Jack raised his eyebrows, amused at my comment, a devilish cocky smirk on his face. “Babe, we’re going to the AVN Awards. Just-fucked hair is a good thing.”

I laughed at his comment, but made no movement toward him.

“You going to come here, or do I need to come get you?” Jack’s voice was low and a bit menacing. But I knew how he worked. He didn’t threaten. If I didn’t give in, he would most certainly come and get what he wanted.

Jack watched as I deliberated my next move in my head. I saw the amusement in his eyes. He was a lion who had his prey cornered and was thinking about playing with it for a while before he went in for the kill.

“Jack!” I warned. “I don’t want to wrinkle my dress.”

“I’ll take it off.” Jack took one step closer to me.

“But we’ll be late.”

“I’ll be quick.” Another step closer to me.

“I’ll be all flushed. You know how I get afterwards.”

“You look sexy as hell afterwards.” One long stride and he was in my personal space.

As promised, my dress wasn’t wrinkled when Jack helped me slip it back on twenty minutes later.

***

Being late had its advantages too, because it meant less time to walk the red carpet and get our picture snapped, something I wasn’t entirely comfortable doing. But Jack held me tight, never letting me leave his side as photographers yelled for him to turn this way and that way for pictures. Some yelled questions, asking my name, which Jack ignored like a master. A few particularly obnoxious ones yelled, “Where is Jenna tonight?” and I felt Jack’s grip on my hip tighten each time her name was mentioned.

Inside, the large auditorium was set up with round banquet tables, each with almost two dozen seats. I wasn’t surprised to find Jenna at our table, but it didn’t make me want to scratch her eyes out any less when she kissed Jack on the cheek and whispered something in his ear. Jack introduced me to a few unfamiliar faces around the table, most of whom it was easy to tell were the “talent.” But I wasn’t forced to participate in small talk because the lights dimmed only a few minutes after we were seated.

Over the course of the night, Cole Productions won more than a handful of awards and I was pretty sure they walked away with more statues than most of the other studios combined. Jack never went up to accept an award, even when it would have been appropriate. I noticed that almost all of the other producers found their way to the stage, and inevitably took a turn in front of the microphone, even when the category was for best cinematography. But not Jack, he didn’t edge his way into the limelight of the people who worked for him. He simply stayed in the background and supported them. It made me even more proud to be with him because of the way he handled himself, rather than for the number of awards his company received.