“Nothing, everything is fine.” I took Jack’s arm and stood tightly by his side.

Jack abruptly dismissed the two gentlemen he was speaking with and turned to face me. He lowered his voice. “You’re upset. Who were you just with?”

I looked up at Jack. His beautiful green eyes looked sad and tired and it broke my heart. “My mother.”

Jack looked around the room, searching for someone. “What did she say?”

“Can we talk about it at home later?”

Jack clenched his jaw and looked into my eyes. He nodded and kissed the top of my forehead. “It’s almost time to go. You need some sleep tonight.”

I nodded, feeling relieved that he was letting go of his inquisition so easily. I smiled up at him and reached up on my tippy-toes and kissed his nose.

“After you tell me what happened. You need sleep, but first you’re going to tell me what upset you.”

I should have known I would only get a short reprieve.

Chapter 17

Jack took the news about his father’s conversations with my mother better than I had expected. He was still quiet, but he somehow seemed relieved that it wasn’t something even worse that had upset me. The rest of the funeral was uneventful. My parents and Sienna came again the second day, and even though I was pissed at my mother I was happy that she had come to support Jack.

Jenna came the second day again too. She must have exhausted her conservative wear, because her outfit the second day was not typical funeral attire. I watched as she turned every man’s head as she sauntered in, even my father’s, to my disgust. The woman oozed sex, but in a cheap and tawdry way that seemed to attract men in droves, yet repel women.

I hated how comfortable she was being physical with Jack. Jack was the type of man who intimidated people; unsolicited touches didn’t feel welcomed. Yet Jenna touched him in a way that was familiar, and every time I saw her touch him it reminded me that Jack had once been with her. I knew it was trite and childish to be jealous of a woman expressing her condolences at Jack’s father’s funeral, but I just couldn’t help myself around that woman.

***

I was due to rejoin the tour the day after the funeral, but Sienna was great and had already spoken to the tour manager and managed to get me a few extra days off. She was going to open for Double Strife solo, with one of the backup singers pitching in for the songs that needed two people.

Jack seemed relieved that I didn’t have to leave so soon, although he told me he was fine and I could go back if it was going to be a problem. I hadn’t really had a chance to think about what I would have done if the tour manager hadn’t given me a few extra days off, but I was certain that I wasn’t ready to go back quite that soon.

Things quieted down after the funeral, although Jack had to go into the office once for an emergency board meeting. Apparently, they had to elect an interim CFO to fill in for Jack’s father. I couldn’t imagine that they didn’t already have too many overpaid executives that they couldn’t have just held off a few more days to give Jack some time. But then again, I didn’t know much about boards or running an international company.

I tried to get Jack to talk about how he felt, but he just kept telling me he was fine. To an outsider, he may have even seemed fine, but something was still off. It was hard to put my finger on it, but something was different. He was quieter than usual and definitely less sexual. I didn’t expect him to jump back into normalcy after all that had happened. But I was hoping that he would at least acknowledge how he felt. But he didn’t, he just went on, steady and forward, never a tear shed. It worried me.

Maybe if I had felt like Jack had made some progress in the normal grieving process, I would have felt better about going back on tour. But a few days after the funeral, I was even more concerned about leaving. I thought about not rejoining the tour, but I couldn’t do that to Sienna. She was excited that I was coming back and had even admitted that playing solo to a crowd of the size she was having to entertain was a lot more difficult than she thought.

Jack took me to the airport the evening of my flight and I cried in his arms before I left. It was the closest I’d ever seen Jack come to crying when he looked at me and saw me so upset. His eyes welled up and he looked distraught, but he held it together. The tour still had almost six full weeks left and the schedule between shows was tight. I had thought it was bad enough to not see each other for six full weeks before Jack’s father died, but after everything Jack had been through, it was going to be torture to not be able to see him. Touch him. Hold him. Give him comfort when the day finally came and he needed it. Grief was a process, so I knew that day would eventually come. I just had no idea when.

Chapter 18

Getting back on stage in Spain the first night back on the tour was the easy part. Spending the rest of the day trying to focus on anything but Jack, alone, thousands of miles away, was the hard part. We spoke on the phone twice a day, once when I woke up and once before he went to bed. We seemed to fall back into the routine we had developed before his father had passed easily enough. But something still wasn’t right and I knew it.

I spent some of each day researching the grieving process and what I could do to help, but everything seemed to center around supporting the person and just being there when they needed you most. That was the difficult part. It was hard to accept that Jack might need me and I wouldn’t be there when the time came.

As if my internal struggle about being back on tour the first week wasn’t bad enough, Justin was being an as**ole too. He made a few snide comments about my taking advantage of the tour and not being there those few days I missed after Jack’s dad’s funeral. But most of the time he was drunk and ignoring me, which I had come to like better than being the target of his rude comments.

***

It was almost two in the morning in Spain before I called Jack for what would be my goodnight call and his morning call because of the time difference. The concert had lasted almost an hour later than planned, but then again it had also started an hour later since Justin had showed up later and drunker than usual.

“Hello.” At first I thought I had dialed the wrong number when I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the phone. Then I realized who the voice belonged to. I cringed at the sound.

“Jenna?”

“Who else would answer Jack’s phone?” I envisioned Jenna’s wicked grin on her overly made up face as she spoke.

“I actually don’t know why anyone would answer Jack’s phone, Jenna?” I attempted to remain calm, using all the saccharin I could muster in my tone.

“I suppose I’m answering it because Jack isn’t here to answer it for himself, Sydney. He must have left it on my desk after our long talk.”

I wanted to jump through the phone and smack her. But the reality was I also wanted to know what their long talk was about, and my mother had taught me well that you get more from honey than vinegar.

“Well then, thank you for picking it up. I’m sure he will be looking for it soon.”

“Of course. Whatever I can do to help Jack. I’ll always be here when he needs me. He’s been so down after his father’s untimely death, and I really think our little talks help him.”

It felt like an arrow had pierced through my heart. The thought of Jack turning to Jenna for comfort made me physically sick to my stomach. But what did I expect, I knew he had been struggling since his father’s death, and what did I do to help him? I’d flown off to Europe and left him in the hands of a p**n star who would like nothing more than to give him comfort, in more ways than one.

“I’ve gotta go, Jenna. Tell Jack I called.” I hung up without waiting for a response.

Jenna knew exactly what she was doing, planting a seed that would slowly fester and grow. And it worked. I tossed and turned for almost three hours before falling asleep that night. Visions of Jack confiding in Jenna, or worse, seeking physical comfort with her, stirred in my head like a cyclone.

***

Two nights later we wrapped up the last show in Spain and I begrudgingly agreed to join Sienna and the bands at a post-show celebration. I felt badly that I had become such a downer on the tour bus with Sienna, although she constantly told me that she understood I was going through a tough time, leaving Jack after everything that had happened.

So even though I wasn’t in a party mood, I headed to the local bar that the tour manager had scoped out for our post show party. I did my best to put on my game face. Sienna deserved to celebrate and not have me bring her head down. And so did the guys in the band.

I spent half an hour talking to Kyle and the guys, doing my best to feign excitement for the last few weeks of the tour. The truth was the tour was going great, Double Strife was incredibly popular in Europe, and the single that Sienna and I had cut back in Italy was getting a lot of play time on the radio. I should have been ecstatic. But all of that just didn’t seem so important anymore.

Justin hadn’t been around the first hour in the bar, and I was actually relieved since he seemed to take such pleasure in giving me a hard time lately. The room was more lighthearted when he wasn’t around, and I sort of felt like I wasn’t the only one that noticed it.

But Justin eventually stumbled in, as was his usual m.o. of late, a girl tucked under each arm. The bar went crazy at his appearance and I sat in the background with Kyle, watching Justin, the perfect bad-boy rock star signing autographs and making the girls swoon effortlessly.

“He being a dick to you still?” Kyle asked, as I observed Justin from a distance.

I shook my head and smiled at Kyle. Justin was being a dick, but blood is always thicker than water, so it was best that I kept my opinion to myself.

Kyle laughed. “You really are sweet, Syd. Justin’s been a complete douchebag to you since almost the beginning of the tour, and you still won’t say anything bad about him.”

“Justin and I used to get along so great. I’m not sure where we made a wrong turn.” My words were sincere.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Syd. And don’t let him make you feel that way. He’s just brooding because he can’t have you.” Kyle paused and glanced over at his brother again before continuing. “My brother’s changed a lot in the last few years, and I can’t say it’s all been for the better.

“Why does he even want me? He can have any woman he wants!”

“I don’t think he ever got over you from when he had that crush on you years ago.” Kyle chugged the rest of his beer. “And you’re a catch and a half if I might say so myself, Syd.” Kyle winked and made me laugh. When Kyle said nice things to me, it felt like it was coming from my brother, a completely different feeling than what I felt when his brother spoke.

I leaned over and kissed Kyle’s cheek. “Thank you, Kyle. You’re a good friend.”

Kyle didn’t have time to respond before two women sandwiched him. They didn’t even seem to notice that I was sitting next to him and having a conversation. I smiled as Kyle shrugged and focused his attention on his new friends. When I looked back over at Justin, I found him staring at me. His eyes caught mine and startled me with the amount of anger in them.

***

I figured after two hours of partying with the band I had put in enough time and could sneak back to the busses to get some sleep. I knew from experience that the bar party had at least a few more hours of life in it, if not more. I made my way through the crowd to find my security and let him know that I was planning to head back to the bus after a quick trip to the ladies room.

The back of the bar was quiet, the bathroom down a long narrow hallway that seemed to drown out the loud music and party coming from the front. I heard someone enter the bathroom, but didn’t expect to find who I found when I exited the stall.

I gasped at the sight of a man leaning against the bathroom sink, his arms folded across his chest. “Justin, you scared me!”

“So what, Syd? The p**n king isn’t enough for you, you started f**king my brother too?” Justin was angry and drunk and his slurred words bit with venom.

“I’m not even going to respond to that, Justin.” I walked to the sink, intent on ignoring Justin’s raging angry accusations.

Justin took a step closer. “You’re a whore. I don’t even know why I wasted my time.”

My reaction was instinctive. My hand came up and slapped Justin’s face hard and fast. He didn’t even have time to react before it hit him. Justin’s face turned with the force of my slap, and then slowly turned back to face me. The evil smile on his face sent a shiver of nerves up my spine and I was quickly reminded of my surroundings. Alone. With a drunk angry man who stood a foot taller than me and no one within earshot.

My feet caught up to my brain and I attempted to sidestep around him, but Justin’s arm reached out and caught me. “Is that how you like it, Syd?” Justin pulled me close, his grip on my wrist too tight, even in his state of intoxication, as I struggled fruitlessly to pull away from him.

I lowered my voice and tried to act calm. “Justin, let go.”

“I’m done being nice. You want it rough, I’ll give you rough.”

Justin’s other arm came around my back and slammed my front into his chest. His mouth was on mine before I could even yell for help. I froze for a second, feeling his tongue push into my mouth with a force that matched his grip around me.

Justin easily lifted me off my feet and took two long strides, slamming my back into the wall, knocking the breath from my lungs as he continued his assault on my mouth, his body pinning me against the wall. I struggled hard to break free, but I was no match for his strength. Justin didn’t seem to even notice my resistance, or care if he did notice.