Rush

I hadn't been able to close my eyes. I sat in the leather chair beside the hospital bed and stared at my little sister. She hadn't opened her eyes. The monitors blinked and beeped telling me she was alive. Her still form on the bed with gauze wrapped around her head and needles in her arms made it feel as if she were gone. The last words I'd said to her had been hard. They seemed cruel now. I'd just wanted her to grow up. Now that might never happen.

The rage I'd felt when I arrived had been knocked out of me when I laid eyes on her. Just seeing her so broken and helpless was killing me. I couldn't eat or sleep. I just needed her to open her eyes. I needed to tell her I loved her and I was sorry. I'd promised her that she'd always have me. No matter what. Then I'd jerked that away from her. Because she couldn't accept Blaire.

My stomach knotted up thinking of how I'd left Blaire. Her eyes had been wide and terrified. I'd handled leaving her all wrong too but I'd been terrified myself. I couldn't call her yet. Not while Nan was like this. I'd already put Blaire before Nan and look where that got me. This time Nan needed to come first. If she knew I was sitting here waiting on her she'd open her eyes. I knew she would.

The door opened and Grant stepped in. His eyes went instantly to Nan. The pain that flashed in them didn't surprise me. Even though he acted like he didn't like her I knew he cared for Nan. She had been the needy little brat that was impossible not to love when we were growing up. Those kinds of bonds are impossible to break.

"I just spoke with Woods. Blaire is okay. She was locked out of the house last night but she stayed at Bethy's. I called Henrietta and she's unlocking the house for her." He spoke quietly as if he'd wake Nan or disturb her by talking about Blaire.

I'd left her standing in the driveway late at night alone. Thank God she had a phone. The idea of her being stranded in the dark was more than I could handle right now. "Is she upset?" What I really wanted to ask was if she was upset with me. How could she not be upset with me? I'd run out on her after screaming for her to get out of my car. When mom had told me about Nan something in me had switched and I'd lost it.

"He said he was going to look after her..." Grant trailed off. I knew what he was thinking. Leaving Woods to look after Blaire was dangerous. He was rich, successful and his family didn't hate her. What if she realized I was a waste of her time?

"She's pregnant," I told him. I had to tell someone.

"Oh hell," he muttered and sank down onto the hard plastic chair that sat in the corner of the room. "When did you find out?"

"She told me shortly after she came back."

Grant covered his mouth and shook his head. That hadn't been something he'd expected to hear. But then he didn't know we were engaged either. He'd left Rosemary already when I'd proposed. I hadn't told him.

"That's why you proposed?" it wasn't really a question. It was more of a statement.

"How'd you know about that?"

He shifted his eyes to Nan, "Nan told me."

Nan had needed to vent I was sure. The fact she had chosen Grant to vent to was interesting. Normally those two were at each other's throats. Rarely did they spend quality time together.

"She wasn't happy about it," I said.

"No, she wasn't," he agreed.

I looked over at her and wished to God I could trade places with her right now. I hated that she needed me and this was something I couldn't fix for her. I'd been fixing her problems her entire life. And now when she needed me most all I could do was sit here and stare at her helplessly.

"She thinks you've lost your mind. If she knew about the baby she'd think you asked Blaire just because of the baby."

"I didn't ask her because of the baby. I asked her because I can't live without her. I just need Nan to understand that. I've spent my life making Nan happy. Trying my damnedest to fix her problems. I was mother and father to her. And now that I have found what makes me happy she can't accept it." I felt my throat close up and I shook my head. I was not going to cry. "I just wanted her to accept that Blaire made me happy."

Grant let out a deep sigh. "I think in time she will. Nan wants you happy too. She just thinks she knows what is best for you. Just like you think you know what is best for her." The tone in his voice as he said that last part was off. He'd meant something deeper than what he was saying. Or I was just exhausted and I needed to take a nap.

"I hope so," I replied, then laid my head back on the chair and closed my eyes. "I need a nap. I can't keep this up. My head is getting fuzzy."

The chair he'd been sitting in scraped across the floor as he stood up. I listened as he walked across the room back toward the door. "Check in on Blaire for me. Please," I asked, opening my eyes to make sure he was still there and heard me.

"I will," he assured me then walked out the door.

Two days later and still no sign of improvement. Nan wasn't waking up. I had gotten up to take a shower and change because my mother insisted. I couldn't deal with her and worry about Nan. I just did as she asked to shut her up.

Today Grant had sat in here with me most of the day. We hadn't talked much but having someone else here helped. My mother said she couldn't handle it and stayed at the hotel most of the time. Occasionally Abe would step in to check on her but I didn't expect any more from him. He never checked on the daughter he'd raised either. The man was missing a vital organ, a heart.

"I talked to Blaire today," Grant said, breaking the silence. Just hearing her name made me ache. I missed her. I wanted her here but that would only upset everyone. I needed Nan better. When she woke up she didn't need to know Blaire was here. It would only upset her.

"What did she sound like?" Did she hate me?

"Good. I guess. Maybe sad. She's worried about you and Nan. She asks about Nan before she asks about you. She also... she also asked if her father was okay today. Not sure why she cares but she did."

Because Blaire cared more than she should about everyone. Me included. She was too good for me and I was only going to keep hurting her. My family wouldn't accept her. The father that deserted her and her mother was now married to my mom. I'd started that whole ball rolling with the damn picture. All I would ever do is hurt her in the long run.

"She has a doctor's appointment today. Woods told me he's taking her. She doesn't know I know about the baby."

Another doctor's appointment I was going to miss. How much longer was she going to put up with this? I'd told her she and our baby came first but this was the second time my family came before her doctor's appointment. And why the hell was Woods taking her?

"Why is Woods taking her? I have three vehicles in the garage."

Grant shot me an annoyed frown. "Yeah, you do. But you never gave her permission to drive one and never told her where she could find the keys so she won't touch them. Woods has been her chauffer all damn week."

Fuck.

"I know you're hurting because of Nan. She's like your child. You're the only real parent she's ever had. But if you don't snap out of this and contact Blaire I'm not sure she and your baby are going to be around when you decide to go home. Sure don't want my niece or nephew having the last name Kerrington," he snapped and stalked out of the room.

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