The only times in her life that she could remember her heart feeling this incredibly vulnerable and ready to fall apart over a guy, had unbelievably both been because of him. First the night after his fight when she was forced to see him with a groupie, then later that same night when she found out about Rita. But hearing that he’d seen Rita the day after she’d finally given into her desire for him—the very day after he’d admitted to being in love with her, had such an instant crushing affect. It was something she’d never experienced before and it even though it turned out to be nothing she was now terrified of having to feel that way ever again.

She’d been so thankful that she’d insisted on getting to the bottom of his relationship with Rita because she now had even more reason to keep moving slowly but things had moved forward a bit. Nothing huge had happened but there were small significant changes. Like after dinner now when they sat and watched television she allowed for more snuggling.

And when he’d sneak in more nuzzling of her neck and ears as she cooked or even when they were in her darkroom when he claimed he wanted to learn how to develop photos she wasn’t so quick to put a stop to it. But it was always sweet and gentle. The only times things got heavy were their goodnight kisses but she’d manage to fight the urge to just pull him in her room and do what she really wanted to do to him.

As much as her hunger to give in completely was getting harder to fight with every day that passed, there was something else that was quick to stop her in her tracks. She’d already seen it even before New Year’s. She was becoming way too dependent on him. While he had his boxing, his training and his friends, she had so little going on aside from him. If it hadn’t been for Noah she would’ve had the most pathetic and lonely holidays of her life.

Before her mother got sick, she’d never been like this. She had plenty of friends and colleagues. Her photography was a huge part of her life. She even had a blog specifically for her photos and which had even started to make some money. It’d been literally years since she last updated her blog and even longer since she’d uploaded any new photographs.

The fact that Derek had walked away when she’d become too engrossed in the care of her mother to focus on anyone or anything was a huge reminder of a bad habit she’d always had. When there was something big going on in her life, she tended to obsess about it to the point of neglecting everything and everyone else in her life in the process. Sure her mother’s illness should’ve been an understandable exception, but it was still a perfect reminder of how she let one occurrence utterly control every other aspect of her life. She needed to learn how to balance everything now, before she made the same mistake again.

Of course, now everything was happening all at once. She’d gone back to work, she was reviving old friendships, old hobbies, and now Noah was a colossal distraction in the midst of all of it. She needed to get this right so moving slow was her only option.

Even Nellie who had disappeared on her for a few months was back and in no way demanding but they had made a pact to get together at least once a week. She was determined to be able to not only handle but enjoy even that small change in her life. Tonight was that night. They were getting together again for dinner.

Instead of going out Nellie had made dinner for them. Rick was out of town on business and they’d have the place to themselves. Since Veronica had hogged the conversation last week with her worries about Noah, she had every intention of letting Nellie do all the talking and spilling of her guts tonight.

It occurred to her halfway through dinner that maybe biting her tongue and holding back what she really wanted to say to her best friend was not such a good idea. Nellie always told her exactly what she thought. She never sugar coated anything for fear of hurting Veronica’s feelings and that’s how it should be. But this was different. Nellie was obviously hell bent on making her marriage work, how could Veronica tell her she hated Rick for doing what he’d done to her? That she’d never thought Rick deserved her even back when they were first started dating? He’d always seemed a little too full of himself. Like deep inside he knew quiet unassuming Nellie should just understand that she was dating out of her league, because he was a handsome, successful and outgoing radio sportscaster who obviously was never at a loss for words.

Nellie seemed to think it was funny and acted as if he was just being his witty self when Rick would openly flirt with Veronica and even Nellie’s sister Courtney. To Veronica it just felt creepy, but she didn’t protest since Nellie seemed to be so okay with it.

By the time they’d finished dinner, Veronica had heard enough about how Rick was really making an effort to make the relationship work. He should be. He’s the one that nearly screwed someone else and Veronica couldn’t understand how Nellie could just take his word that the one night he got caught was the only time he’d ever considered doing something like that. What an incredible coincidence and Nellie had this “everything happens for reason” mentality about it. The night at the hospital when Nellie told her about how the whole thing had unfolded Veronica had been so guilt ridden she hadn’t given it much thought.

Since then she’d had more time to think about it and the more she did the more she thought Nellie had just accepted Rick’s excuses much too easily. She knew Nellie had always been in love with him to the point of obsession and that Veronica saying anything against Rick might not go over well but she couldn’t help it. It was just a few months ago that this had all happened and already he was away on a business trip that sounded a little too suspicious to Veronica.