“You’re sick, you know that right? Really, really sick?”

“I know.” She giggled and then let out a deep breath. “I’m a sicko and you love it.”

“You’re lucky I love you or I would have hung up the phone already.” I shook my head, smiling slightly at the thought that someone had brought Joanna to her knees. Even though, the hypothetical person was me and it hadn’t happened.

“You know I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I am shocked for you. I don’t even really know what to say. Where have all the good men gone?”

“I wish I knew.” I groaned. “Maybe they’re all gay now.”

“Half are gay.” Alice said. “And a quarter are married.”

“So where are the other quarter?”

“If I knew I wouldn’t be on the phone here with you.” She laughed. “I’d be at the back of some limo having my brains fucked out.”

“A limo?” I giggled. “Why a limo?”

“Because if I’ve waited this long to find Mr. Right, he better be fucking gorgeous and rich to make up for all my misery.”

“Xander’s rich.” I wasn’t sure why I’d brought it up, but it seemed fitting in the moment.

“Lucky bitch.”

“I’m not really a lucky bitch because he’s not mine. Gabby’s the lucky bitch.”

“No.” Alice said simply. “She’s just a bitch.”

“Alice.”

“You know it’s true.” Her voice rose. “I know she’s your sister and you love her and yada, yada, yada, but she’s still a bitch, b, i, t, c, h, b, i, t, c, h, b, i, t, c, h and bitcho was her name-o.”

“Alice.” I giggled. “You’re horrible.”

“I know, it’s the way I was born. My mom must have had me under a full moon or something.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“So are you coming home tomorrow then?”

“No.” I sighed. “My parents have some weekend activities planned for all of us.”

“Boring.”

“You know they love that shit.”

“Any of your brothers going to be there?” Alice asked innocently and I smiled to myself.

“Yes, all of them are going to be here. It’s going to be a big family celebration. Me, Gabby, Scott, Chett, and Aiden. And then Xander and his brother Henry and the ‘rents.” I took a deep breath. “We’re all going to be one big family.”

“Sounds fun.” Alice said wistfully, having grown up an only child to two parents that loved to jet set around the world.

“You know you totally have to come up tomorrow morning right and stay the weekend with me.” I said softly, wanting her to know that I wanted her there, but not wanting her to think it was a last minute pity invite.

“No, I can’t intrude. It’s Gabby’s big weekend.”

“You have to come.” I said quickly. “You’ll stay in my room and be like my bodyguard. What if Xander tries to sleep with me again and my whole family walks in on us in the bedroom, playing Cowboys and Indians?”

“Oh my God, so you would say yes if he tried to hook up again.”

“No.” My face reddened at my slip. “I mean, yeah, maybe, I don’t know. I know I’m evil personified to even think that could happen, but he’s just so gosh darn sexy.”

“And you know they’re not in love.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “Not that that really excuses anything. If I slept with him again now, knowing what I know, I’d be a bitch. A big bitch. A bigger bitch than Gabby.”

“That is true.”

“Thanks Alice.” I pouted into the phone.

“I’m sorry, but it’s true. You can’t sleep with your sister’s baby daddy. That would just be plain wrong.”

“I know.”

“It would be worse than Jerry Springer wrong.”

“Nothing’s worse than Jerry Springer.” I laughed at her comment, remembering why we were such good friends. We were on the exact same wavelength.

“True.” She giggled. “So what time should I come tomorrow?” She asked casually.

“Well the brothers are all coming early and we’re all going out for a pancake breakfast.”

“I love pancakes.” She said eagerly.

“So then come early.”

“Are you sure?” She said, hesitant once again. “I don’t want to impose on family time.”

“Alice, you are family.” I said softly. “You’re my best friend and my parents look at you like a third daughter and my brothers look at you as another sister.” Shit, why did I say they looked at her as a sister? I knew Alice had a crush on one of them, but I wasn’t sure which one.

“Well, thanks, I guess.” She sounded sad. “I’ll be there at 9am.”

“Great, I can’t wait to see you.”

“Now don’t do anything I wouldn’t do tonight.”

“I’m not going to do anything.” I said lightly and looked at my bedroom door. “I’m going to bed and I’m not leaving my room until you get here.”

“You’re silly.”

“That’s why you love me.”

“I’m going to go and pack now. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”