Author: Robyn Carr

It was a good couple of hours before Rick woke with a painful cramp in his thigh, his stump. He groaned in pain and started rubbing.

“We’ll come up on a rest stop real soon here. Hang in there,” Jack said.

Rick just kept rubbing, gritting his teeth. He pushed back in the seat, lifted his butt and fished a pill bottle out of his pocket. He swallowed a pill with a gulp of old, watered-down cola.

“Whatcha got there, pal?” Jack asked.

“Not the good stuff,” he answered. “Just some anti-inflammatory laced with a little codeine. It gets me by.”

“Ready for a pit stop?” Jack asked, driving into a good-looking rest stop.

“Yeah,” Rick said, a little breathless from discomfort.

“Want the leg?” Jack asked, pulling up to a handicapped spot right in front of the men’s room.

“Nah,” Rick said, drawing up the leg of his jeans and tucking it in the waistband. “Just the walker.”

“Sit tight.” Jack got out, grabbed the walker, and instead of insisting Rick do some wild gymnastics getting himself out of the truck without the help of a prosthetic limb, he just slipped a strong arm around his waist and pulled him out, lowering him gently to the ground. Then he followed Rick as he made his way slowly into the bathroom.

Rick turned around once. Over his shoulder he said, “I’m good.”

“I’m right behind you,” Jack said.

Head down, hands braced on the walker, he moved slowly into the john, took his place up against a urinal, braced himself, balancing precariously on one leg, hand against the wall, and got the job done. He was wobbly, especially getting his zipper back up. He moved slowly to the sink and washed his hands. Seeing the potential for disaster if Rick put his wet hands on the metal walker, Jack handed him some paper towels while he was still braced up against the sink. When Rick moved away from the sink, his jeans were wet in front from the dripping sink. “Fuck,” he said.

“Learning curve is kinda high,” Jack remarked. “Yet another reason to work on the leg, huh?”

Rick moved slowly out of the bathroom. Without looking at Jack he muttered, “One of the guys said it was easier to figure out how to have sex than how to take a shower.”

Jack laughed. “Good to know.”

“I doubt it’ll come up.”

When they got to the truck, Jack braced him under the arms and said, “Swing on up there, buddy.” When they were again under way, Jack just gave it some time. They were another half hour on the road after a long day, and now well into Mendocino County, when he asked, “How’s the pain now, Rick?”

“Okay. Pill kicked in, mostly.”

“We’ll be home in less than a couple of hours,” Jack said. “I’m sorry about back there, about the sandwich. The way I acted. We aren’t going to get too far if I try the bully approach. I apologize.”

“Forget it,” he said.

“You understand, I just want to find the best way to help you get on your feet.”

“Foot,” Rick said, not looking at him. “You want me to get on my foot.”

Jack ground his teeth and told himself, Let it go. Rick won’t be angry forever. Will he? “Listen, there are a couple of things we should talk about.”

“Like?”

“Rehab, for one. You’re set up at a clinic in Eureka. It’s supposed to be a good little shop and I’ll take you. Vets from around this county use it a lot. And there’s some counseling…”

“No counseling.”

“Gimme a break, huh? You hear yourself? You wanna feel like this the rest of your life?”

“Listen, we did that whole group-hug thing at Balboa. It was a waste of time. I felt worse, not better.”

“This will be one-on-one and you don’t have to hug anyone.”

“This one have two legs?” Rick asked sarcastically. “Because I just love it when some joker with all his parts tries to help me cope with what’s left of mine.”

“He could have two fucking heads for all I know,” Jack said. “Sorry. That was frustration. I’m just frustrated.”

Rick laughed humorlessly. “Is that a fact?”

“Moving on. I’d like you to stay with me and Mel. Once you get up the porch, the house is flat. The shower is a flat walk-in. You don’t have to negotiate a tub. I can get you around till you’re driving again, which will be as soon as you’re ready. You can spend as much time with your grandma as you like and I’ll even drive her out to our place, but her house is a challenge and she shouldn’t be taking care of you.”

“We’ll be fine,” he said. “She won’t have to take care of me.”

“Rick, try to be reasonable. Mel and I can help, but Lydie has enough challenge taking care of herself.”

“She won’t be taking care of me. We’ll manage.”

“Are you totally opposed to making this as simple as possible? Are you going to let me help at all?”

“I let you drive me home, didn’t I? And aren’t you glad for the good company?”

“Yeah. It was a slice of heaven….”

“Next item? Or is that it?”

“Liz,” Jack said.

“Nothing to talk about there.”

Now it was Jack’s turn to laugh without humor. “Buddy, on this we’re gonna talk. I know you didn’t take her calls, didn’t return them. I don’t know what’s up with that, but we’re going to be back in town and she works for her aunt Connie every week. You can’t avoid her. She’s scared to death of how you’re going to act toward her.”

“She doesn’t have to be scared,” Rick said quietly.

Jack sighed. At least that last lacked the edge of hostility. “I’m sure she can’t help it. You’ve been ignoring her. I gotta say, I don’t get that.”

“I know you don’t. Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her. I’ll be nice as I can.”

“Rick, what the hell’s going on with that?”

He took a deep breath. “Jack, it’s going to be all right. Lizzie’s young. Young and beautiful. She’s sweet. And strong. She’ll be fine.”

“Something about what you just said sounds real bad.”

“Nah, it’ll be okay. Might take a little getting used to, that’s all. She doesn’t need a guy like me weighing her down.”

Jack had to concentrate to keep from driving off the road. “What the hell? Is this about the leg?”

“It’s not about the leg, but face it, that’s not a great asset. It’s about everything. Ever since Liz ran into me, her life has been messed up. I’m not good for her. She can do a lot better and deserves to.”

“She’s not going to agree with that. She’s going to fight that idea.”

“Well, not too hard, because that’s how it is. Jesus, don’t you think the girl’s been through enough?”

“I don’t know what to say,” Jack said, but what he really meant was he didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t include a lot of frustrated swearing. He just wanted to shake Rick until all the marbles in his head fell back into place.

“What a break,” Rick said. “Don’t worry. I’ll be nice.”

“You’ll be nice while you’re dumping her? After all she’s gone through for you? Don’t you think if she felt she’d been through enough, she’d cut you loose?”

“Next item?” Rick said. “Or have we covered everything?”

“Listen, I’m going to try to be reasonable here….”

“I thought we were moving on?” Rick answered.

Oh, he’s going to make me choke him! Jack thought. He shook his head a little violently, trying to let Mel’s voice rise to the surface, because his instinct was to stop the car and say something like, Listen, asshole, that little girl stuck by you while you were sticking by her and if you don’t love her anymore, okay, stuff happens. But you don’t just decide you’re not good enough and shit can her like that. And you have enough fucking parts!

“You’ve been through a lot,” Jack chose to say. “Physically, emotionally, psychologically. Maybe you shouldn’t make any fast moves. If you get through some of this stuff, get your problems sorted out and get good on the leg, get the high-tech leg, and then if you still feel this way… All I’m saying is, do you have to be so sure about major changes like that before you’re fully recovered? You and Liz have been together a long time. You’re just planning to push her away right off because you’re still all messed up in your head. Which, by the way, is in the goddamn pamphlet.”

He could see Rick’s jaw tighten. “Next item?” he said.

“Aw, Christ,” Jack said.

“Look, I’m trying hard as I can! I want to do what’s right! In my messed-up head, it isn’t right to hold on to Liz or let Liz hold on to me when she can do so much better! That’s it! I’ve had months to think about it! Now—next fucking item!”

Jack took a defeated breath. “Okay. Preacher made barbecue.”

Oh God. His worst nightmare. A town gathering, welcoming him home. He’d crumble. Cry like a girl. He wasn’t up to it. “Tell him thanks. Tell him I’m in pain. We’ll catch up.”

“You’re not in pain,” Jack said.

“I am now. It’s not happening, Jack. I can’t. Do. It.”

An hour from home, Jack thought. Maybe he’d change his mind. But if he’d learned anything in the last ten hours, Rick had enough determination to get him through almost anything. Except complete recovery. “Okay, pal. Whatever you say.”

When Rick got to his grandmother’s house, Lydie was overwhelmed by his homecoming. Rick could feel Jack standing behind him, just inside the front door, holding his duffel and the prosthesis, watching as Rick embraced his weeping grandmother with one arm while he balanced the walker between them. She was so small in his big arm and he had no instinct to shut her out. She was old, frail, and had suffered too many losses in her life. For a few moments, while he held her against his chest, Rick was grateful that he could come home to her in any condition. “Hey hey,” he said. “Come on, Gram. You’re gonna drown me with those tears. No crying, sweetheart.”

“Ricky, I can’t remember when I prayed so hard. Thank God you’re home.”

“I’m home, Gram. Everything is all right,” he said, thinking about how wrong it all was. But he wouldn’t put his gram through that. He comforted her until she wiped her old eyes and just stood there in front of him, studying his face with her trembling fingers. And behind him, he could hear Jack breathe.

“I bet there’s doings at Jack’s tonight,” Lydie said.

“There is,” Rick said. “I’m just not up to it, though. It was a long ride and my leg aches. I’m going to skip it.”

“Are you sure?” she asked him, frowning.

Be welcomed home like a one-legged hero to this little town? Ha, not on your life, he thought. “I’m sure,” he said. “But if you want to go see the neighbors, I’m sure Jack will take you.”

“No, no,” she said. “We’ll stay home. Thing is, I didn’t cook anything, Ricky. Thinking we’d be at Jack’s…”

“No problem,” he said. “We’ll pull something together.” He gave her crepey, soft cheek a stroke, wiping away a tear. “We have to get up our strength, huh? And you need your insulin and food.”

Jack brushed past them, taking Rick’s duffel to his old room, the one he grew up in, the one he had briefly shared with Liz when their baby was almost due. “I’ll bring you something from the bar. Can’t have you trying to cook your first night home,” he said as he passed.