Author: Cassia Leo

Chapter Thirty-Five

Claire

I CAN’T BREATHE. MY SKIN breaks out in a cold sweat as my fingers go numb.

“Oh, shit!” he says, and this is the last thing I hear before I pass out.

I open my eyes and I can hardly see anything through the darkness, but I can feel the scratchy fabric of Cora’s sofa under my cheek. I blink a few times and her living room slowly comes into focus.

“How are you feeling?”

His voice is both startling and comforting. I turn my head toward the sound and he’s kneeling on the carpet not far from my feet. I’m torn between throwing my arms around his neck and kicking him for breaking my heart.

Cora clears her throat and I turn my head in the other direction. “You almost took a nasty spill there, honey. Good thing Adam was here to catch you.”

I sit up slowly and he shifts a little so I don’t hit him with my legs. Just that small movement and I can smell him. He took a shower recently. I recognize the scent of his shampoo and it actually makes me want to cry. I want to pull my knees up to my face again, but I’m wearing a dress and Adam is kneeling almost directly in front of me. I stand quickly and he stands up right after me.

“Claire, we need to talk.”

“Did you trick me into coming here?”

His skin is more tanned than when he left and I’m suddenly angry as I picture him surfing and frolicking on the beach while I suffered through four weeks of self-doubt.

“I just want to talk to you.” He takes a step toward me and I take a step back, almost falling back onto the sofa, but I manage to regain my balance. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine.” I turn to Cora, who’s sitting in her recliner with Bigfoot in her lap as usual. “I came here for you, Cora.”

I stride toward her and give her a big hug. She pats my arm weakly and I try not to cry as I look into her eyes and see the fatigue.

“Senia wanted me to give you a big hug from her,” I say as I kneel next to the recliner and scratch Bigfoot’s head. He purrs softly and this makes Cora smile.

“You tell Senia I saw a beautiful dress that would look perfect on her. This girl looked just like Senia and she wore the most beautiful dress to her wedding. Of course, they ended up throwing her in a koi pond at the reception and ruining it, but it was so perfect for her.”

Cora’s more than a little obsessed with the TV show Bridezillas. She thinks it’s the most hilarious thing, women having nervous breakdowns over the color of a dress or the flavor of a cake. She loves to tell the story of how she and her husband, Frank, got married more than sixty years ago in a tiny chapel in Minnesota. She wore a dress that she made herself and he wore the suit his father got married in almost thirty years earlier.

“We had holes in our clothes and our shoes, but our hearts were finally whole,” Cora likes to say whenever she tells the story.

I glance at Adam for just a second and his eyes are locked on mine. My brain knows that he did what he thought I needed, but my heart feels utterly betrayed by him.

I continue stroking Bigfoot’s head as I avoid looking in Adam’s direction. “Well, I’m here now, so you can go.”

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

“Adam, that’s no way to speak to a lady,” Cora chides him.

“I’m sorry. You’re right, Cora.” He looks me in the eye again, but his expression softens. “Please come upstairs so we can talk.”

“That’s much better,” Cora says with a smile. “You two go on ahead. My show’s coming on soon.”

My hand shakes as I grab the remote off of Cora’s wooden TV tray table and point it at the television to make sure it’s on the right channel. I set the remote down and I can’t believe how anxious I feel. This is Adam. This is the guy who picked me up off the floor when I was broken and carried me until I was ready to walk again.

I make my way to the door and Adam kisses the top of Cora’s head before he follows me.

“Goodnight, Cora. I’ll be by in the morning. Make sure you have my steak and eggs ready.”

“Don’t you worry. Bigfoot knows just how you like your steak. Goodnight, sonny.”

I can’t help but smile before the sadness of how much I’ve missed Cora and Adam comes rushing back to me. I wait near the front door to my old apartment as he locks Cora’s door. He turns around and my heart pounds at the sight of his beauty. The sun is almost down, but the faint warm glow of the sunset makes his golden skin glow.

He gives me a soft smile and I close my eyes so I can’t see his face while I think of how he broke my heart and how it would destroy him to know what I did with Chris five days ago.

“Claire, please look at me.”

I take a deep breath as I open my eyes and he’s closer, just a couple of feet away, and staring down at me with that intense look in his eyes.

“You hurt me.”

“I’m sorry. I know I fucked up, but I came back for you. I quit my job.”

“You quit your job?”

“I quit. I took the job in Raleigh and I’m moving in two weeks.”

His green eyes search mine for a sign of forgiveness, but I don’t know what to say. I can’t tell him I wish he had come back a week ago.

“Am I too late?” he asks as the muscle in his jaw twitches.

I want to tell him the truth, but I can’t bear to place the image of Chris and me together in his head.

“I don’t know.”

He looks confused. “What do you mean, you don’t know?”

I shake my head. “I just… I was so hurt and I thought you had given up on me. I mean, I’m a mess. I’ve got more baggage than any person should be allowed to carry.”

“And I’m strong enough to carry it. I just got a little scared, but it wasn’t because of your baggage. I’m fucked up, too. It had nothing to do with that. It had everything to do with what I heard in your voice that night you called me at one in the morning. You needed me there and I felt so fucking helpless because I couldn’t give you what you needed. I didn’t want to keep disappointing you like that.”

“How could you ever think that? You never disappointed me until you left me.”

He steps forward and takes my face in his hands. His hands are warm and I close my eyes to breathe in his scent. His lips are soft as he presses them against my forehead. The lump in my throat makes it impossible to speak as the first tears begin to fall. He kisses each of my eyelids and I grab his forearms to steady myself. His arms are so smooth and solid, exactly the way I remember them. I open my eyes as he plants a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.

“I’m so fucking sorry. I promise I will never hurt you again.” He kisses the tip of my nose then the other corner of my mouth. “I promise I’ll make it up to you. I love you,” he whispers against my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me.

His breath against my lips gives me chills and I have to taste his mouth. I lean forward slowly and give him a soft kiss. He slowly slides his hand behind my neck and I kiss him again as I grow more eager. This time he kisses me back, but he doesn’t open his mouth and it’s driving me crazy. I take his top lip into my mouth and he pulls away before I can taste him.

“I love you, Claire. I want to be with you forever.”

Like a switch going off in my brain, I think of Chris and I want to crawl into a hole. I close my eyes so I don’t have to see Adam’s face. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m a disgusting person.

I have two choices: I can be honest with Adam about what happened with Chris and hope that he can still stomach me or I can leave now and go home to Chris.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Adam

I SEE HER MIND WORKING like crazy and I know she’s going to talk herself out of this if I don’t act quickly. Claire is notorious for overthinking every situation. She worked herself into a frenzy trying to figure out why I never visited her during the week when we were first dating. And, of course, she spent nearly a year in hiding from everyone she knew because she was afraid of being judged for keeping Abigail a secret. I need to do something before she convinces herself to walk away, but I also don’t want to rush this.

I look into her eyes and her eyebrows furrow. She’s worried about something.

Ah, fuck it.

I pull her face to mine and crush my lips against hers. Her lips taste exactly as I remember. I slide my tongue into her mouth and she moans, but then she pulls away.

“Wait.”

“I’m tired of waiting,” I say as I scoop her up in my arms.

She lets out a high-pitched yelp then laughs. “Hey!”

“Hay is for horses,” I say as I carry her up the stairs toward my apartment. “And I have a great horse joke.”

“Oh, no.”

I dig my finger into her side, where she’s ticklish, and she squirms in my arms. I nearly drop her, but I’m full of too much adrenaline from the anticipation.

“Open the door. It’s not locked.”

“No.”

“Claire.”

I give her the most serious look I can muster, but she just laughs.

“You don’t scare me.”

She musses up my hair and I turn my face to kiss the inside of her forearm. Her smile fades and she waits a moment before she reaches for the doorknob and pushes the door open.

I step over the threshold and kick the door closed behind me. “What did one horse say to the other horse when he fell down?”

“What?”

“Help. I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up.”

“That is terrible.”

“I thought you’d like that.” I sit her down on a barstool so our eyes are level. “I just want to make you happy.”

Her smile disappears again and she looks down at my chest. “You did make me happy. You made me happier than I thought I could ever be. Then you left.”

I brush her hair off her forehead and she looks up. “Claire, we both left. You left to school and I left to Hawaii. I’m surprised we both made it back here at all.” I plant a soft kiss on her lips. “If we break up forever, we’ll both probably move on. That’s just reality. But I’ll never be the same. You changed me and I know I’ve changed you. You’re not the same scared girl hiding in a meditation cave all day long. You’re mine, and a piece of you will always belong to me the same way a piece of me will always belong to you.”

I kiss her cheek to catch the tears as they fall. She clutches the front of my shirt, her chest heaving as she tries to decide what to do.

“Come and lay with me,” I say, and she looks at me suspiciously. I shake my head. “Not to have sex. That was a long drive. You need to rest. Then you can leave if that’s what you decide.”

I wrap my arms around her waist and she wraps her legs around my hips as I lift her off the barstool. She rests her head on my shoulder as I carry her to the bed and set her down gently.

I kiss her forehead and step back. “I’m gonna get you a bottle of water. Do you need anything else?”

She shakes her head as she lies down and curls her legs up. She’s so beautiful; it’s difficult to tear my eyes away from her. I grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and glance at the cupboard above the refrigerator where I hid Claire’s surprise gift. I wish she had come looking for it when I told her about it.

I make it back to the bedroom and hand her the bottle of water as I lie next to her. She props herself up on her elbow to drink half the bottle then she screws the cap back on and places it on the nightstand. She turns back to me and I beckon her to lay her head on my shoulder. She does and I kiss the top of her head as I wrap my arm around her.

“Do you remember the first time I walked you to work?”

She lays her hand on my chest and I resist the urge to bring it to my mouth to kiss it.