Author: Lisa De Jong

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me! Open.the.door!” he yelled, causing me to jump out of bed and head toward the door. I was pissed about what happened earlier and I was even more upset now because he was causing a scene when I wasn’t ready to talk to him.

He was about to pound on the door again when I opened it, stopping him in his tracks. I ignored the pained, tired look on his face. “Please leave. You need to go home and leave me alone,” I said without my voice breaking which surprised me.

“Not until you tell me why you left so quickly. I thought you were staying until I got off work and when I noticed you were gone, Jade wouldn’t tell me anything. Please tell me what I did wrong.” He pulled his hands through his hair, almost as if he was trying to pull it.

“You’re kidding me, right? You stopped me from dancing with a friend, yet you had your hands all over some chick while I was sitting less than 20 feet away. Then you disappeared! I don’t play games, Dane, so why don’t you go find your bar tramp?” He winced at my words, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Can I come in?”

Is he crazy? “No.” I exclaimed, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Please, I can explain.” Standing my ground while looking into his amazing eyes was getting more and more difficult. “Alex, please.” I quietly opened the door to let him in. “Thank you.”

I laughed. I’m not sure why, but hearing him say thank you for letting him in was almost too much. I had friends who had been cheated on, but looked the other way because they didn’t want to lose their boyfriends. My parents had numerous friends whose relationships had been rocked by infidelity, but yet they stayed together. I always told myself that I didn’t want to resort to that level of pathetic sadness.

Would I hold my breath waiting for Prince Charming? No. Would I hold my breath waiting for someone who was kind, respectful and honest? Hell, yes.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, glancing around the room.

“You. Say what you need to say and leave. I want to go back to bed.” Detached Alex was back and she felt completely numb.

“Nothing is going on between me and Bree. We had a thing once, but it meant nothing. She needed some help tonight and I gave it to her. End of story.”

I swallowed down any hint of emotion. “Did she need help getting out of her dress? Did she need help memorizing every part of the male body? What was it, tell me.”

“Fuck! I thought you were different. I thought you wouldn’t look at me and think the worst,” he yelled, pacing the room with his hands on his hips.

His words cut right through me, but I know what I saw. “I don’t think the worst, Dane, I saw it. And don’t you dare tell me I’m like everyone else.”

“And what did you see to make you think I did anything even remotely like you think I did?” He moved forward with every word standing a foot away from me.

“What would you think if you saw me whispering in some guy’s ear with his hands on my body?”

He was silent and I see understanding flash across his face. “You saw all that?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry. I should have taken her hands off me, but I honestly wasn’t thinking. I only have eyes for you, Alex, only you.” He slowly reached up, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. I stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

“What did she want?”

He looked up at the ceiling. “I dated her for a while in high school and she knew I worked at the bar. She was out with some friends and her car wouldn’t start. I went out to take a look at it for her. That’s all it was, I promise you.” I’d always been convinced that when someone was lying they wouldn’t look into your eyes and he was looking right at me.

“You can’t tell me who I can and can’t dance with and then allow someone else to touch you. This isn’t going to work that way.”

“I know. I was being a jealous ass and I’m sorry.” We stood there silently staring into each other’s eyes.

“Alex,” he reached up, cupping my cheeks in his hands, “are we okay?” His voice was soft and unsure.

“You need to be open with me. That is the only way this will work.” I said, looking into those glassy green eyes for the truth.

He put his forehead to mine, still holding my cheeks in his hands. “I’ll do everything in my power to do right by you, but you need to give me a chance before you run. Just please be patient with me and for God sakes, talk to me,” he whispered. I answered him by pressing my lips to his. He groaned before wrapping me tightly in his arms. He held me in place for several minutes; I could feel his desperation and sincerity with every kiss, every movement of his fingers on my back. Falling for him could easily turn my heart to glass and shatter it into a million little pieces, but I couldn’t stop myself. This thing I was feeling had me so wrapped up in him and I may never be able to release myself from the tangles.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he asked, causing me to tense. I’d known him for just a few weeks and we had only been dating for a week.

“I’m not ready for that. Did you walk? Do you need a ride home?”

“No, you go back to bed. I can walk.” He grabbed my chin with his index finger and pressed his lips to mine. “So we’re good?”

“We’re good,” I whispered and after one more kiss, he was gone.

I fell asleep thinking about Dane and all the things that could be, all the things I wanted, and all the things that could never be. Tonight was a wake up call; I now knew what it would feel like to lose Dane. I knew what it would feel like to see him with someone else and I never wanted to feel that again.

Chapter Eleven

I’d never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. It never bothered me because there are expectations that came with it and I’d rather not deal with them. For instance, what do you get a guy for Valentine’s Day? Do you get him a shirt representing his favorite sports team? Do you get him a watch? I never wanted to deal with those types of decisions, but that had changed this year. Dane and I had talked about our plans yesterday after class.

“Valentine’s Day is Wednesday and I was hoping we could do something, you know, different than studying and eating dinner in the student center.” I could hear a little bit of nervousness in his voice. Dane was the poster child for confidence and it was very interesting that this one holiday had caused him so much anxiety. It was actually kind of cute.

“What did you have in mind?” I bumped his shoulder with mine in an attempt to calm his nerves.

He smiled. “I want to take you to dinner at the Italian restaurant we went to on our first date.”

“That was our first date, huh?”

“It was.”

“Sounds perfect. What time?” I asked, leaning into him.

“6:45, I have reservations for 7,” he said, grabbing my hand and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. I loved the taste of mint that always seemed to be on them.

Our lips lost contact, but our foreheads still touched. “You got yourself a date,” I whispered. This time it was me who leaned in for a kiss. If I could, I would stay attached to those lips forever. My first Valentine’s Day would be celebrated with Dane; everything was easier with him.

Now we’re one day before the big holiday and I was trying to decide what I should get him. I thought about asking Jade, but I doubted she had ever had a boyfriend on Valentines. Fling yes, boyfriend no. I was dating Ryan at Christmas time. He gave me a diamond bracelet. It was beautiful and must have cost a fortune, but if he had known me a little better, he would know I wasn’t a huge fan of shiny things that scream, “I have money”.

I remembered Dane talking about this Warped Tour Music Festival he wanted to attend this summer and decided to get him two tickets. I knew he liked music and hoped it would mean more to him than any material thing ever could. I also got him a gift certificate to his favorite tattoo parlor, a little something he could use now and keep forever.

When I told Jade what I got him, she told me I did good. When Gwen called, I got a different reaction. She knew I’d been dating a guy named Dane, but she hadn’t met him and, though I told her he was different than my past boyfriends, I don’t think she understood what I meant by that exactly.

“Any plans with the new guy tomorrow?” she asked. I told her our plans for tomorrow night and she seemed impressed.

“What did you get him? You know you have to get him something, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not stupid!”

“Okay, okay, sorry. What did you get him?”

I played with the bottom of my t-shirt while I talked, bracing myself for what she would say when I told her what I got him. She reacted pretty much as I expected she would.

“You got him a gift certificate for a tattoo? Why on earth would you do that? I understand the concert tickets, but a tattoo?” She spoke rapidly, not allowing me to get a word in.

I lay back in my bed and covered my eyes with my arm. “He likes tattoos.”

“He already has some? Mom and Dad are going to flip. I mean flip.” She wasn’t telling me something that I didn’t already know. I knew things would not go well if they ever met Dane. They would never take the time to get to know the guy inside, but would take one look at him and make my life miserable. I didn’t plan for him to meet my parents today or ever, to be honest.

I calmed her down by telling her I was just enjoying my college years. She didn’t necessarily agree with my logic, but she let it go. She was planning to visit me this coming weekend and while I was excited to see my sister, part of me was already thinking of ways to keep her away from Dane. I wasn’t ashamed of him, but I knew if the life I was supposed to live and the life I was currently living ever met, the result would be disastrous.

I put on my long sleeved red shirtdress with a black belt, black knit tights and stilettos for our date and drove to Dane’s apartment. I was nervous as I drove closer to his building. I wasn’t sure if I should go in and get him or if he was watching for me, but as soon as I pulled up to the curb, he came out looking absolutely edible in grey slacks, a black button up and, of course, his signature leather jacket.