J.M. turned more incredulous as my explanation continued, until he was looking at Sean and me with obvious doubt and disbelief. Also humor. He clearly thought we were pulling his leg.

“At least this case will be easy to put away,” I said when I’d finished. “You can get back to the other one.”

“You guys can’t be serious,” J.M. said with a chuckle. “I mean, I’ve heard about making light of the grisly crimes, but this is ridiculous.”

“Go look at the body,” Sean said in an even voice. “I’ll be right there.”

J.M. sighed, then shook his head and turned away.

“It’s too early and he’s hardheaded,” Sean muttered. “He’ll resist until the very last.”

“You’d be surprised. The body he’s about to see is grrr-oss! Look up an aswang. You’ll see.”

Sean put his notebook away. “Head to bed. I won’t need anything more from your department. I’m sure Captain Lox will have this all written up in the morning.”

“Yes, he will. What about that other case? Did you make any headway?”

“In two hours?” Sean smiled and scratched his shoulder, turning sideways on the sidewalk to watch as J.M. ducked under the police tape and headed into the cemetery. “My hunch says it’s the daughter. We haven’t found the murder weapon yet, but we found a few fibers for the lab to analyze. The crime wasn’t calculated, so there are bound to be over a dozen slip-ups. We’ll solve it. Thanks, by the way. You’re much quicker and more thorough than the rest of the agents at MLE. You’ll make captain someday, I have no doubt.”

“Good God, that sounds horrible. Don’t jinx me.” I stood with a grimace. “Besides, I think I’m fired. I punched my weasel of a coworker. That was my last strike.”

“What’d he do?”

“He was gloating over saving my life even though he technically didn’t. It’s the little things.”

“Well, good luck with that. I’m sure I can get you a job working on the other side of things if you’re interested.”

“You guys would certainly frown on the type of work I excel at. Namely, killing things. Thanks, though. And good luck with the young buck.” I climbed my steps, threw him a wave, and let myself into my house.

The keys clanked as they tumbled into the bowl by the door. My air freshener was doing its job, filling the entryway with the smell of clean cotton. I glanced at the renovated living room off to the right, which boasted the best furniture money could buy, accentuated with wall decor that must’ve cost a fortune.

I turned into my totally revamped kitchen, now sporting granite countertops and the latest appliances available. A small, round table made of some sort of barn-looking wood sat in the corner. Shabby chic, or so I’d been told by Marie, the extremely elegant vampire who essentially worked for Darius.

The deal I’d made with Darius a couple months ago was that in exchange for helping him bring in the person terrorizing the unicorns, I’d get a boatload of money and a house of my choosing, fully paid for. I could’ve picked any house, anywhere—a mansion in the Garden District, a chateau in Beverly Hills, the sky was the limit.

Much to Darius’s dismay, I’d chosen the one I had been renting (and had half ruined). Why not? It was plenty big for just me, and it came with a neighborhood watch. You couldn’t beat that.

My landlord at the time had seemed intent on resisting the purchase, but he’d undergone a sudden change of heart. Darius was in the habit of getting what he wanted.

I had fully expected to wait for the insurance company to fix it up before I bought it and made it my own, but again, Darius had had other plans. Without my consent, he’d fully renovated the whole place, top to bottom, forcing me to move into a hotel as he did so. Half of the house had been fine, but that hadn’t escaped his perfectionist’s eye. He’d updated my bedroom and the guest room, and even put in an extension, which ate up half of the backyard. Not to worry, he’d also bought out three-quarters of the backyard from the guy behind me, and pushed my fence back accordingly. I didn’t even know that could be done, but I did enjoy the extra space.

Then Marie and her army had come in and gone nuts. I could’ve had some say in what direction she took, but that lady had more style in her fingernail than a ten-year subscription to Vogue. The result? I was living in small-scale luxury in a rough part of town.

I’d expected the vampires to get lost at that point. The terms of our deal had been fulfilled on both sides. Per the contract, they were supposed to leave me alone. Sure, I’d expected them to check in from time to time to make sure I wasn’t spilling the beans about their unicorn secret, or even telling the shifters—their archenemies—everything I knew about vampire habits, but that didn’t happen. Instead, they hung around. Constantly. Even if I didn’t physically see them for a couple days, there was always evidence they’d come around to check up on me.

I did not appreciate it. Not only was my privacy at stake, but people were starting to think I was a vampire’s pet.

I most definitely was not a vampire’s pet. What did people take me for, insane?

Besides, how many ways could a person say get lost? I was pretty sure I’d tried them all. It wasn’t my fault they’d taken to hovering around like ghouls.

I flicked on the lights even though I didn’t need them to see, and headed toward the fridge. Bracing myself, I opened the door and immediately squinted. The thing was like the inside of a disco ball. Bright white light assaulted me from a few different places within the well-stocked interior. Blue shone at the back, letting me know the filter was in fine working order.

Not like I would need to change it. The second it was out, it would be changed for me. If I ate all the cheese? New, expensive cheese would show up the next night. Cleaning the fridge? Done for me. Cleaning the rest of the house? Taken care of when I wasn’t home.

Yes, the vampire presence in my house was pretty obvious. I was living with an army of invisible butlers. And while that sounded super cool, and might’ve been a lifelong dream once upon a time, I also knew they were reporting my every move to their master. Darius. The most persistent, overbearing vampire I’d ever met. He treated me like we were bonded and I was fragile, even though no way were we bonded, and I certainly wasn’t fragile. He acted like he was still under orders from Vlad (elder vampire supreme) to protect and look after me, and he did it with the diligence and the attention to detail that had kept him alive through so many troubled periods throughout history.

Did I mention I’d tried to bar the door? Didn’t matter. With their “breaking and entering” magic, as I called it, they could undo any lock I tried to use, then waltz in against my wishes, rearrange everything, look through my stuff, stock my fridge, and wash, fold, and put away my undies. My undies!

Did I say overbearing? I meant suffocating.

Had I paid for the service, okay, but he was doing this after I’d expressly asked him to leave me alone. To give me some space. To stop trying to break into my magically protected closet and poke through my stuff, for criminy sakes!

“Reagan, part of protecting you is to protect you from yourself. I just want to know what it is you are hiding,” he’d said.

I’d tried to punch him, but he was danged fast. Instead, I’d said, “Fat chance,” slammed the door in his face, locked it, and pretended I didn’t hear him unlock it immediately after. Then chuckled darkly.

That vampire was tap-dancing on my last nerve.

What was nuts was that his actions were not standard operating procedure for vampires. I’d asked around. Even people who were bonded, which basically meant they shared a special link with a vampire, didn’t get this kind of attentiveness.

The only thing I could figure was that Darius was trying to put me in a gilded cage. He knew what I was, which meant he also knew I was his meal ticket to becoming the most powerful vampire in the world. He probably thought all the help and gifts would keep me happy, which would keep me put.

He didn’t know me very well.

If he made a move on me, I’d kill him. I would probably need help, because he was old as hades, and an exceptional adversary, but I had backup. Callie and Dizzy, two high-powered mages, had become my family. They also knew my past, they’d helped hide me when I was a baby, and they knew vampires were not to be trusted. The three of us could get me out of most any bind.