“Nikolas?” I said after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“Hmm?”

“Why haven’t you yelled at me for leaving Westhorne?”

The hand that was toying with my hair stopped. “Do you want me to yell at you?”

“No, but you’re taking this too well.” Jordan’s words came back to me. “Are you being nice because I was sick?”

His chest rumbled. “Yes, but don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll give me more reasons to yell soon enough.”

I smiled because he was probably right.

After another minute of silence I felt him sigh. “I was furious when I found out you’d left, and all I could think about was what could happen to you out there. I always want to keep you safe, but after the attack I couldn’t think of anything but getting you away from there. I’m sorry I made you feel like you had no other choice but to leave. I want you to be able to come to me about anything.”

“I’m sorry I left the way I did. I was upset about the attack, and all I wanted to do was fight back.” I breathed deeply. “It hurt when you and Tristan said you were taking me away to hide, especially after people were hurt and killed because of me.”

“You’re not responsible for what happened that night.”

“I know, but it’s impossible not to feel guilty when some of my friends were killed by vampires who were after me. And I knew it wasn’t going to stop and they’d keep coming. Sooner or later, someone I love will die and I can’t live with that. I had to do something to try to end this. I should have told you what I knew about Madeline instead of going after her without you. I kept telling myself I could find her and that she’d run if she saw the Mohiri. But the truth is I needed to be the one to find her. I needed to feel like I was in control of my life again.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You’ve spent most of your life taking care of yourself, and I’ve spent mine protecting others. It’s not easy for either of us to go against our nature. I didn’t realize how much I was pushing you to change yours until you left.”

“And now?”

Another sigh. “I won’t lie to you. I’m not going to try to take you away, but I can’t stand to see you in danger either. You’re a fighter, but I’m an experienced warrior, and I’m going to do what I have to do to keep you safe.”

“I understand why you feel so protective, but you have to see that I’m not helpless.”

“I never thought you were helpless. I just don’t think you’re ready to face what’s out there.”

My chest squeezed as I realized the futility of our conversation. I didn’t want to argue with him on our first day together since my illness, so I didn’t say anything.

I didn’t realize I was pulling away from him until his arm tightened around me. “Let’s not fight,” he implored softly.

My body relaxed against him again, and he kissed the top of my head. “You should go to sleep. I don’t want Nate and Tristan shooting me dirty looks tomorrow when you can’t stay awake at Christmas dinner.”

A yawn came upon me. “You’ll stay until I fall asleep?”

“I’ll stay until I hear snoring.”

“I don’t snore.”

“Like a motorboat.”

I poked him in the ribs with my finger. “I do not snore!”

He laughed and captured my hand, holding it against him. “Okay it’s more like a kitten purring. Did I ever tell you how much I like kittens?”

I had no reply for that. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Chapter 11

“Are you sure you don’t want to fly home? It’ll take you four or five days to drive all the way across the country.”

Roland laughed and twirled the car keys in his hand. “Yeah, and that’s an extra four or five days before we have to face Uncle Max.”

Peter paled at the mention of his dad. “Maybe we should take our time. We could tell him the car broke down.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with my car.” Jordan walked over and patted the hood of the Ford Escort she had bought in Butler Falls. She smirked at Roland. “But you should probably put some blankets on the seats to protect them from dog hair.”

He made a face at her but didn’t offer a retort, most likely because he was still feeling a heap of goodwill toward her. Yesterday, she had shocked him when she’d signed the car over to him, saying it had served its purpose and he might as well take it off her hands. I had a feeling that he’d be trading it for that Mustang he wanted as soon as he got home.

I smiled at their exchange, but my heart constricted painfully. Roland and Peter had been with me through so much, and I didn’t know how to do this without them. But they’d already lost weeks of school, and they had to get home if they had any hope of catching up and graduating this year. Plus, Roland had promised his mom they would head home the day after New Year’s, which was today.

Roland looked at me. “I guess we should get on the road.”

I pressed my lips together and nodded. I managed to hold back the tears until he walked over and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Don’t do that or we’ll never leave,” he ordered hoarsely. “And then you’ll have to explain to my mom and Uncle Max why we’re not coming home.”

“Sorry.” I let go of him and wiped my eyes. “You’ll call me every day until you get home, right? Do you have the new phone we got you?”