Taking one last drag, I toss the cigarette at the glass and turn away. I could care less if this motherfucker burns down. There’s nothing left here for me. Not anymore.

My body starts moving, mentally checked out and lost somewhere in this never-ending nightmare of my world at its end. I feel the hatred starting to build, and the animosity of the night overwhelming me.

I bring my blood-covered hands up to rub my face as I growl out, releasing some of my pent up anger. I growl out until my throat feels raw, but just like the cigarette it does shit to relieve this pain that is slowly killing me.

I walk slowly, in a daze, passing three breathless bodies, before I stop in front of . . . her. Blood covers her blonde hair and her once pink, plump lips are now ice fucking blue. I reach over to pull her into my arms, feeling my heart die a little more with each breath that she doesn’t take.

That’s when the door flies open and I hear them piling in. Heavy footsteps take over until that’s all I can hear, besides the erratic beating of my dead fucking heart.

A buzzing fills my ears. My heartbeat speeds up at an uncontrollable rate and all I see is red as I’m yanked to my feet, two officers fighting to restrain me. I don’t care if they fucking take me away. I will rot in fucking hell for her, but I’m not done saying goodbye yet.

I feel the cuffs snap around my wrists, hard. Too fucking hard. My hands may not be free, but that won’t stop me. Rotating my shoulders, I swing my head back as hard as I can, slamming it into a nose that I hear crack. That shit is broken. I know that for sure, and so does he by the way he curses and steps away to hold his bleeding nose.

Another set of hands attempt to grab me from behind as I make my way down to the ground, on my knees, burying my face into her lifeless neck. I kiss it gently, for the last time, before my head is yanked backwards and I’m torn away from her, and then pushed down to my face before a knee digs into my neck.

Present

I RUN MY FINGERS OVER the last ultrasound taken and swallow back the pain at the reminder that I never got to hold my baby girl.

The pain and guilt eats at me every fucking day. I not only lost one life that night . . . but two.

I only allow myself to look at it for a few more seconds, before gently putting it back into the box and closing it.

Then I put the box away, before going to my bedroom and crawling into bed.

Avalon is already fast asleep.

I stare at the ceiling until finally falling asleep, letting the darkness of the night consume me.

STANDING IN THE DOORWAY WITH a bottle of beer in hand, I stand back and watch Blaine as he concentrates on tattooing some chick’s left ass cheek.

He looks up at me once in a while, lifting a brow in curiosity as he watches me tilt back my beer and grip the doorframe. “What’s good, fucker? You’ve been standing there without moving for like twenty damn minutes. Did some shit happen that I should know about?”

“Nah. I was just thinking of going out for a bit.” I finish off the last bit of my beer and toss it in the trash across the room. “You good here?”

Blaine gives me a look, meaning, are you shitting me, and leans back in his chair as if he’s the coolest fucker to walk the earth. “When am I ever not good? Come on, bro. I got this shit. If you got something to do then go.”

I run my hand over my face and look over at the clock. It’s just a little past noon, making me anxious to get out of here.

“Alright.” I slick my hair back and lock eyes with Blaine. I really can’t deal with his shit today. “If I come back and my window is broken, I’ll shoot your fucking dick off. I’m not in the mood today.”

“Dude . . . seriously? Why do you always threaten my manhood? It’s my best fucking feature.”

“Because your dick pisses me off even more than you do. You’re always fucking touching it and shit,” I say with a scowl. “Keep shit under control until I get back and don’t text me if it’s important: call.”

“Yup. Got it.” He pulls his gun away and backs the chair up a bit to admire the chick’s ass. “Damn . . . that is one fine piece of work?” He smirks and adjusts his cock with his free hand.

The girl leans up on her elbows and looks back, then smiles at him, while watching his hand. “It better be if it’s covering my beautiful ass.”

“Damn straight,” Blaine says in agreement, while watching her lift her ass up closer to his face. He tilts his head at me. “Go, Fucker. Jerk your shit if you need to. You’re bumming me out here and putting my dick in a bad mood.”

I let out a frustrated breath, not even bothering to respond to his dumb ass, and walk out the door while reaching for my phone.

I have no fucking idea why I’m about to do this right now, but after waking up early this morning to an empty bed, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Avalon and how she left without saying bye.

There’s no way in hell she needed to be up and out of my bed for work by five in the fucking morning. She left because something was bothering her and keeping her awake. That doesn’t sit well with me, and I can’t help but to wonder what the fuck was running through her head when she left in the middle of the night without someone to make sure she made it home safe. It was fucking with me.

I sat up in bed for a good hour, unable to fall back to sleep, before hopping on my bike in hopes to clear my head. Before I knew it, I was sitting outside her damn house, contemplating on whether or not to go up to the front door and knock.

It only took me a few seconds to realize that I was acting like a fool, so I turned my bike around instead, and rode the mostly empty streets for a while, until it was time to meet Blaine at Savage & Ink.

It’s now been seven hours since she left my bed and it’s still bugging the shit out of me. The only thing keeping my nerves somewhat under control is knowing that she at least made it home safe.

Royal: You on lunch?

I walk out the back door and light a cigarette while waiting for her response. My phone vibrates about five minutes later to her name lighting up the screen.

Avalon: Not until 12:30. I swear time is going by extremely slow today. You at work?

Royal: Not anymore . . . Where you going for lunch?

Avalon: Nowhere. I only get thirty minutes today because I have a client coming in at 1. I won’t have time to leave and pick up lunch. I could so use a steak sandwich to make it through the day. SUCKS! Shit . . . gotta go. My 12 o’clock finally just walked in.