“What are you here to talk about?”

“I’ve been thinking about our conversation for three years now. You never let me see you again –”

“I didn’t want to see you again. I wouldn’t have been able to…”

Her misty blue eyes met mine. “To what?”

I exhaled. “I wouldn’t have been able to move on from you if you’d kept coming back, Allie.”

She didn’t reply, but her guilt was apparent. I didn’t want her to feel guilty. The last thing she deserved was to feel shit about herself after everything that happened. It took a long time for me to realize that none of this was her fault. They were the consequences of my actions. I had created the domino effect that ultimately took her down the path she did.

“I’m sorry,” she then said, blinking back tears. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you, Ryker –”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me,” I cut in. “I was foolish. I was so filled with anger. I said some stupid shit to you, and I’d take them back if I could. I’m not going to bother you. I’m not going to force you to be with me. Hell, I don’t want to be with you. At the time, though, I was so fuckin’ infatuated with you. You were my hope in a really dark place in my life, and I expected too much.  I understand I hurt you, and it all looks bad on my part. But I had my reasons for everything I ever did.”

She considered my words as she walked to the bed and took a seat on the edge of it. All I thought about right then and there was the scent of her on my sheets after she was long gone. I was tempted to tell her to get off. How was I meant to not want her when my things were going to smell of her?

“I hurt you,” she muttered. “I understand why you said all that. I don’t blame you for it.”

Allie Wallace, the epitome of understanding. She didn’t need to extend that generosity to me. I was an asshole.

“I hurt you a lot worse,” I told her. “I was a fucking jerk to you. A dumb kid that didn’t even want you to begin with.”

Shit, that slipped out.

Her face shot up and she looked at me in surprise. I clenched my jaw and wanted to whack my face against the wall for dropping that fucking bombshell.

“I know you didn’t,” she replied shakily. “I always knew you didn’t feel much for me.”

She was going to make me talk about the past, wasn’t she? This was the reason why she was here. She wanted to understand things. I ran a hand over my face in exasperation. She deserved to know, didn’t she? She had to and then maybe she’d hate me for other reasons instead of what they were now.

Regardless of what I did, she’d leave. No truth was going to make her stay. Things were too damaged anyway. I’d never look at her the same way I did before, and acknowledging that when she was around confirmed my decision to never chase her again.

“Give me a second to change,” I told her. I quickly threw the towel off behind her still body and slipped into a pair of briefs. I didn’t bother sparing anymore seconds dressing when the only clothes I had were dirty.

Not wanting to sit next to her, I grabbed the armchair in the corner of the room and dragged it in front of her. I kept it a safe distance away from where she sat, and when I was satisfied I wasn’t going to be close enough to feel her breathe, I took a seat.

Resting my elbows down on my knees, I leaned forward and solemnly said, “Whatever you want to know, ask the questions now. Because I’m not gonna do it after this day. I’m going to keep the past in the past. That’s how I cope and move on. You got one chance.”

Allie didn’t even think. The first question tumbled out of her mouth not even a second later. “Why did you want me in the beginning?”

Great, the hardest fucking question of all to answer. How was I going to do this delicately? I wasn’t sure it could be done. I thought for a moment when she said, “Don’t sugar coat it, Ryker. Just… Just tell me.”

Yeah, she could still read me, couldn’t she? I stared into her eyes for a moment, and as the silence wore on, I felt a tightening in my heart.

“I found your father in an alleyway on my way back from a party one night,” I finally said. I turned away from her when I saw her mouth drop from shock. I couldn’t look at her as I said this. “He was calling for help, and just as I started talking to him, I got my head smashed against the wall. I woke up to Boss – the man leading the Syndicate – threatening to kill me because I saw something I wasn’t meant to. Boss said he owed him money.”

“Why would he owe people like that any kind of money? My father never took drugs.”

“Boss is a loan shark too. He’ll do anything to make an extra buck. Your father fell on hard times and asked for a loan. I’m not sure what the conditions of his loan were. I just know he got into a lot of debt and because he gave Boss the ring around, he eventually had a target on his back.”

“What does that have anything to do with you?”

“Boss told me they were going to kill him. They were going to have him swinging off a fucking tree branch or whatever the hell it was he said, and he was going to have a suicide note written to cover up the murder. It was his way of keeping everybody else that owed him money in line. He’d bring it up to them every single time they were made to pay. It worked for the most part. He wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty.”

“Please, Ryker, don’t be lying to me about this,” she begged.

I shook my head solemnly. “I’m through with lies, Allie.”

Allie put her hand to her mouth. She shook at this revelation and tears fell from her eyes as the disbelief and shock continued to grow. I kept myself detached from this. I didn’t want to console her. Consoling her meant acting like I cared for her, and I didn’t want to be some chump doing that after everything.

“He said he’d kill your mother next, and I convinced him not to in order to spare my life,” I went on, taking take deep breaths in between. “I said I’d check to see if she had any money hidden anywhere. I promised him I’d get close to you in order to get close to finding out the truth of where it went.”

“Everything… Everything was a lie,” she muttered to herself as she looked away from me. More fresh tears fell from her eyes. “All this time I wondered why I was so special to you, and this was the answer all along.”