***

“Anna, I wanted to ask you something.” My words sounded serious as she got into the car and she frowned at me.

“Who died?”

“No one.” I paused. “Do you have a crush on Luke?”

“What?” She looked at me in shock and I saw a blush rising in her face.

“Do you have a crush on Luke?” I stared at her hard. “You can tell me if you do.”

“No, I don’t. He’s like our brother.”

“Well, yes. But he isn’t really our brother.” I paused. “I know that a lot of girls think he is attractive now.”

“Do you have a crush on him?” She looked at me with narrowed eyes.

“No, of course not.” I shook my head. “That’s gross.”

“Why?”

“He’s like my best friend and my brother.”

“But he’s not your brother.”

“Well, you know.” I cringed. “That’s gross. I couldn’t even picture myself kissing him.”

“He has nice lips,” she said, softly.

“Argh. No way.” I pretended to puke. “That would be sick.”

“Okay.” She rolled her eyes at me. “So I was thinking about what you said earlier. Do you think Bryce invited you because of Eddie?”

“What?” I frowned at her, upset that she had brought up Eddie.

“Well, you know. After everything that happened.” She looked at me sideways as I drove. “Maybe he wants to talk to you about that night.”

“I don’t want to talk about that night.” I felt my breath catch as I drove. “I never want to think about that night again. Except for the part when Bryce rescued me.”

“You’ve got to think he might want to talk about it. Especially seeing as he left right after Eddie, you know.” She paused.

“He had nothing to do with that.” I looked at her, annoyed.

“We don’t know that.”

“I do.” My voice was firm. “It’s not possible.”

“Anything is possible, Lexi.” She reached over and touched my arm. “My dad thought it was weird, how everything happened.”

“Like what?” I looked at her with narrowed eyes.

“I’m not meant to say.”

“Anna, you have to tell me now.”

“Let’s not discuss it now.” She squeezed my arm. “Do you know what you are going to wear to wow Bryce in?”

“No,” I sighed. “I don’t have anything to wow him in.”

“Then, I ask, we should go shopping?”

“That sounds like a good plan,” I grinned, momentarily forgetting my anxiety from our previous conversation. I didn’t like thinking about Eddie. Especially after what had happened.

“Shall we ask Luke?” I turned to my friend and saw her blush again. “I know you have a crush on him, Anna.”

“He’d never be interested in me,” she sighed, playing with her long, brown hair.

“Of course he would,” I smiled at her, helpfully. “He’d be lucky to have a girlfriend like you, especially after dating that skank Briget.”

“You think so?” She smiled at me, shyly.

“I know so.” I rolled my eyes. “Luke may look like a hottie now, but he’s still a nerd inside,” I laughed. Luke had had a major transformation when we graduated from High School. He had joined a gym, and had gained weight, so that his lanky frame was now more athletic. He had cut his previously long stringy hair and he had gotten rid of his thick owl-glasses. His transformation had shocked Anna and I, but it was the girls outside of our circle who really seemed to appreciate the changes in Luke. He had met a girl at community college, called Briget, and had dated her for about two years. I couldn’t stand her and she didn’t like me. I hadn’t been sad when they had broken up.

“Does it make you sad to know that Luke lost his virginity to her?” Anna questioned me softly and I burst out laughing.

“Hell no. I’m just glad that it finally happened.”

“Really?”

“Yes. A twenty-two year old male virgin is not cute.”

“But we’re still virgins.”

I sighed as we pulled into my driveway and turned to her. “But we’re girls and we’re both saving it for someone special.”

“Do you think they will ever come along?”

“I think they already have,” I grinned.

“Really?”

“Yup. Luke and Bryce.” I wiggled my eyebrows. “I think they will make the perfect lovers for both of us.

“We wish,” Anna giggled.

“They wish.” I danced as we got out of the car. “At least I hope so.”

“You hope what?” Luke and Bongo came running out of his house and into my yard.

“Nothing, nosey.” I punched him on the arm.

“Why hello to you, too.” He grinned at me and rubbed his arm. “Hey, Anna.”

“Hey, Luke.” She grinned at him and flung her hair over her shoulder.

“So Lexi roped you into going to this party as well?”

“It should be fun.”

“For whom?” He threw a ball for Bongo to catch. “I feel like we are in a time warp and going back to high school.”

“We were never invited to the party of the year in high school,” I reminded him.

“And I don’t know if I want to be invited now.”

“At least we’ll all be there.” Anna walked up to him and rubbed his shoulder and he looked down at her and smiled.

“That’s the only positive,” he grinned. “I suppose you and I will have to keep each other company, while Lexi goes after Bryce.”

“That won’t be a problem,” Anna grinned and I could see the happiness reflected in the sparkle of her eyes.

“Can we please go camping this weekend as well, to make up for the party?”

“When?” I frowned.

“Sat and Sun?” Luke walked over to me and took a piece of a dead leaf out of my hair and stared into my eyes. “The party is Friday, right?”

“Yes,” I sighed. “I suppose so.”

“Good.” He pulled something else out of my hair. “Where have you been and why do you have so many dead leaves in your hair?”

“No idea.” I stared at his tee shirt for a second and laughed. “Pinky and the Brain? Aren’t you too old to be wearing a tee-shirt with cartoon characters?”

“You’re never too old,” he laughed. “Never.”

“Are you guys coming?” Anna frowned at us as she walked to my front door.

“Yes, sorry.” I pulled away from Luke, feeling self-conscious.

“Your mom’s home,” Luke whispered to me and I groaned.

“Great,” I sighed. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing my mom. “Don’t mention the party in front of my mom, okay?”

“Sure.” Luke looked at me in surprise as we walked through the front door. “Is there a reason why?”

“Yes.” I shook my head. “But I can’t talk about it.”

“Okay.”

“Lexi, there you are. I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Hi, Mom.” I tried not to roll my eyes as I walked into the living room. “How was work?”

“Good, I got a $40 tip today,” she grinned and pulled out the two $20 notes.

“Nice,” I smiled, genuinely happy. My mom was happier on days she got good tips.

“I thought I might go to the mall tomorrow.”

“Maybe you can go with Lexi and I?” Anna through in. I tried to make eye contact with her to stop her from talking, but she wasn’t looking in my direction.

“You girls are going to the mall?”

“Yeah, to get some new clothes and our hair done for the party on Friday.”

“Party?” My mom looked at her, curiously. “What party?”

“The mayor’s holding a party for his son, Bryce, who is back from war.”

“Mayor Evans?” My mom frowned and turned towards me. “You’re going to a party at the mayor’s house, Lexi?”

“Well, yes.” My voice was tight and low.

“How could you?” She looked at me in shock. “You can’t go, I tell you.”

“She is over eighteen now, Mrs. Lord,” Anna laughed, not sensing the tension in the air.

“You can’t go, Lexi. How could you?” My mom ran out of the room and out the front door. We heard her car screech as she pulled out of the driveway and we all stood there in silence.

“Uhm ... is she okay?” Anna looked at me, confused.

“Yeah, she’ll be fine,” I sighed.

“Anna, why did you have to go and open your big mouth about the party?” Luke frowned at her. “I swear you can’t read any situation.”

“How was I to know that her mom was going to freak out?” Anna’s voice sounded hurt.

“You should have looked at Lexi, it was obvious she didn’t want us to say anything.”

“Sorry, I can’t read her mind like you can, Luke.” Anna made a face.

“Guys, it’s okay.” I rubbed my temple. “Maybe you both should go.”

“I can stay, Lexi.” Luke sidled up to me and wrapped his arms around me. He, more than anyone, knew just how tempestuous my relationship with my mother was.

“No,” I sighed, “It’s okay. I just need to be alone.” I looked at them both and felt tears coming to my eyes. “I need to go to the bathroom. You can let yourselves out.”

I ran upstairs and into my room, falling onto my bed in tears after I locked the door. Just when I thought that something was finally going to go right in my life, it all came crashing down. Just like it always did. I closed my eyes trying to ignore the voices in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t entitled to a happy life. I wanted to thump my hands against my walls in frustration.

I wasn’t even sure I should go to the party. I mean, nothing could come of a relationship with Bryce, even if he was interested in me. My mother wouldn’t be able to handle it. Not after everything. And I didn’t know if I wanted to be the one to hold such deep, dark secrets from him. I didn’t know if I could do it.

I hadn’t told anyone—not even Luke—about my mother’s past. It haunted her every day and, in a way, it haunted me as well. I tried to pretend that it didn’t matter, that I wasn’t bothered, but inside I still felt raw.

There was nowhere that I could go that would eradicate those memories from my mind. It was almost a waste of time for me to even think about Bryce, we could never be. Not even if he wanted me.

Chapter 8

As much as things change, they stay the same. Some wise man said that. That same wise man didn’t have any great sayings about how to get private information though. I was on my own for that. I felt restless and upset when I got back home. Eddie’s mom had called me, she wanted to see me and invited me over. I told her I was busy this week, but would make time for her next week. I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t stand to see her and her photos of Eddie plastered all over her house. But I was the closest thing she had to her son now. But I didn’t need another anxious and neurotic mom. I didn’t need another worrier to add to my already heavy head.

“Mom, I’m going out,” I called out as I ran down the stairs.

“You’re going out, Bryce?” She looked at me with a sad face as she came out of the kitchen. “Your dad might stay for dinner.”

“Tell him I had to go out.” I gave her a big smile.

“Are you going to hang out with your friends?” She rubbed my head the way she did when I was a little boy and I gave her a hug.

“Yeah. I’m going to catch up with the crew,” I lied.

“But you’ll see them all tomorrow at the party.” She hugged me back, tightly, and I felt guilty for leaving her alone in the house when I knew that all she wanted was for me to be in the house somewhere.

“That will be impersonal.” I paused. “But I will try and get home early.”

“We could watch a movie together,” she said, eagerly, like a puppy looking for some love. “You could stop on the way home and pick something up.”

“I’ll try, mom.” I gave her a big hug and hurried out of the house, my heart tight. It upset me to see that my mother was even more of a frazzled mess than I remembered. She used to be strong, with a keen confidence that made many women envy her. Now, well, now I didn’t even want to think about the way my mother was.

I jumped into my car and turned on the radio. The loud, heavy metal music distracted me from my thoughts and I drove quickly to my old spot, fifteen minutes from town. I was anxious to get to Harpers Creek, so that I could finally relax and enjoy my surroundings without feeling cloistered.

Harpers Creek was a spot that not many people went to, it basically consisted of an old barn, next to a creek, in the middle of a bunch of fields. Old man Harper had died about forty years ago and had left the property to his sister’s kids, who lived in New York. They didn’t sell it, but they didn’t take care of it either, so it was overgrown and desolate. I loved it.

I frowned when I arrived. There was a car parked under the big oak tree and I listened to see if I could hear any noise as I shut off my engine.

My surroundings were silent and all I could hear was the sounds of the crickets and frogs, and the silence of the still night. I figured that maybe it was someone’s old car that they had left there. It looked pretty old so it wouldn’t have surprised me if it had broken down or something. I got out of my car eagerly, anxious to get down to the riverbank so that I could lie and watch the stars as I listened to the sounds of the water flowing. There was nothing that could soothe me more than Harpers Creek.