Author: Robyn Carr

Walt and his family arrived Sunday night and by Wednesday all the farewells had been said to Midge. He wanted Shelby to pack up and come home to Virgin River with them, but she wouldn’t. “I have things to do,” she said. “Important things. Not only does this house need a lot of work—most of which I can do myself—but I have a big transition to make. I’m staying with my support group until I’ve had a chance to adjust to the change. And,” she said, “I’m not sure I want to leave Bodega Bay. I’ve been here all my life.”

“What would you like to do now?” Vanni asked her.

“That’s part of the transition,” Shelby said. “I don’t know yet. People in my group have talked about trying to make changes too fast—it can be devastating. I’m not going to let myself fall into that trap.”

So Walt went about the business of helping Shelby make a list of repairs and renovations that should be done to make the house presentable again. It was paid off now, so Shelby could do with it as she pleased. Shelby’s list contained mostly cosmetic items from cleaning and painting, to tearing out old window coverings to replace with new ones. Walt’s list was a little more industrial—he thought it was time for new doors and frames, windows and baseboards, not to mention new plumbing fixtures and updated appliances. After all, this had been his mother’s home. He felt a responsibility to it, he always had. He would personally contract most of this work to be done for Shelby.

Shelby herself needed some remodeling. Even though her caregiving job had been very physical, she hadn’t been getting the right kind of exercise and had gained weight. Her complexion was pale and blemished, and she hadn’t bothered with makeup in years. Her hair had grown long—she’d never had it cut—and she wound a single honey-colored braid around her head to keep it out of the way. Shelby had plans for some personal changes, but she didn’t discuss any of that with her family because she wasn’t sure where to begin. And she wasn’t sure it was even possible.

The Booths left on Friday to make the drive back to Virgin River, though leaving Shelby was hard. But she was adamant—she needed the time to grieve, to be alone, to figure out how to have a life that wasn’t consumed by a loved one’s illness.

They were about halfway home, Tom nodding off beside the baby in the backseat while Vanni sat up front, staring out the window. “It was a sad week in many ways,” Walt said. “But it’s also the end of a sad time. I’d worry more about Shelby being on her own if she hadn’t shouldered so much responsibility by herself for the past few years.”

“She has many wonderful friends,” Vanni added.

“Are you all right, Vanni?” he asked.

“Hmm, just a little melancholy, that’s all.”

“It’s hard to tell what’s bothering you most—Midge’s passing or some problem you’re having with Paul.” She turned to look at him and he said, “Anything you want to talk about?”

She shrugged. “There’s not too much to talk about, Dad.”

“You could help me understand a couple of things, you know.”

“For instance?”

“Oh, don’t be coy—you stood Paul up to go away with the doctor and if I know anything about you, you’re not that interested in the doctor. Hell, you’ve been in a strange mood since Paul left after Mattie was born. You knew Paul was coming for the weekend—and despite his best efforts to be circumspect, you knew he was coming for you.”

“I wasn’t so sure about that.”

“I heard you fight with him, Vanni. Did you and Paul have some kind of falling-out?”

“Not exactly, Dad.”

Walt took a breath. “Vanessa, I don’t mean to pry, but it’s pretty apparent to me how you feel about Paul. And how Paul feels about you. And yet…”

“Dad, while Paul was here last autumn, we got a lot closer. We were good friends before, but of course with all we went through together…Dad, before all that happened, Paul had a life in Grants Pass. One that’s not so easily left behind.”

“Vanni, Paul loves you, but something happened between you recently…”

“He let me know—there are complications in Grants Pass. Something he’s been struggling with. It’s kept him from being honest about his feelings,” she said. “He has commitments, Dad.”

“A woman?” Walt asked.

Vanni laughed softly. “We shouldn’t be so surprised that Paul actually had women in his life, should we? Yes, apparently there was a woman. Is a woman…”

“Jesus,” Walt said under his breath. “He’s not married, is he?”

“Of course not. He wouldn’t keep something like that from us.”

“Engaged?”

“He says there’s enough of an entanglement there to make his position difficult. That’s why he wasn’t around after Mattie was born.”

Walt drove in silence for a while and Vanni resumed gazing out the window. After a few moments of silence Walt asked, “What about you, Vanni? I know you care about him.”

“Dad, Matt’s only been gone a few months. Should I even have such feelings? Should I be completely embarrassed? I’ll miss him forever, but I—”

“Please don’t do that to yourself, honey,” he said. “Haven’t we learned by now? Life is too short to suffer needlessly.”

“Will people say I—”

“I don’t give a good goddamn what people say,” he growled. “Everyone is entitled to a little happiness, wherever that is. And I think for you, it’s with Paul.”

She sighed and said, “I’m asking myself why I thought I had some claim on him. He was very good to us all, I’m so grateful—but why didn’t I realize that a man like Paul wouldn’t have any trouble attracting the attention—the love—of a woman? I’ve been so angry with him for not telling me, but…Why didn’t I ask?”

“Now what, Vanni? Is he trying to make a choice, is that it?”

“We were having a discussion, not a very pleasant one, right when the call came from Shelby. It left his intentions up in the air a bit. But there’s one thing I won’t do, I can’t do—I can’t ask Paul to choose me over a woman he has an obligation to. I tried to make it very clear, his duty to me as his best friend’s widow has expired. He doesn’t have to take care of me anymore.”

“I have a feeling it’s more than duty,” Walt said. “I have a feeling it always has been…”

“He has to do the right thing,” she said. “I’m not getting in the way of that. A man like Paul—he could regret the wrong decision for the rest of his life. And frankly, I don’t want to be the one left to live with his regret.”

“Oh, boy. You two have some talking to do.”

“No. Paul has business to take care of. I have nothing more to say about this.”

Paul arrived in Virgin River about midafternoon on Saturday. He left his duffel in the truck, allowing for the possibility he wasn’t welcome at the Booths’. He hadn’t talked to Vanni since the Sunday before—she’d been busy with the family in Bodega Bay. Besides, the conversation they needed to have wasn’t for the telephone. But the way things had ended between them caused him to hit a wall. He couldn’t let her get away again, or he’d never be the same. She could push him back, be angry about his screwup, but he was going to keep coming at her until he had her attention. She was going to have to tell him, convincingly, that she didn’t love him, and didn’t want him in her life. That was the only way he’d let go. And he was done tiptoeing around the issue.

He was greatly relieved to note the doctor’s car was not parked outside the general’s house. Tom opened the door for him. “Is Vanni here?”

“She just went for a ride. She’ll be back in about an hour. Two at the outside.”

“Mind if I wait around?” Paul asked.

“Of course not,” Tom said. “You look all stirred up.”

“I just need to talk to her, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I know. Good luck with that. She hasn’t been in a real talkative mood. Coffee?”

“Thanks,” Paul said. “I’ll get it.”

So, they knew, he thought. No surprise there—she was all worked up and angry when they parted a week ago. And she was close to her brother and father; she wouldn’t hesitate to talk with them about her problems. Their problems.

As he moved toward the kitchen, he saw the general out on the deck leaning on the railing, looking out at his view. The other thing Paul dreaded was facing Walt before he faced Vanni. But he wasn’t going to blow it this time; he’d lay it out there and face it like a man. Then he was going to beg Vanni to forgive him. It could take time, but he’d gladly wait her out.

He took his coffee out to the deck and, as he stepped onto the planks, Walt turned.

“You did show up here. I predicted you would.”

“Well, I’m fearless, sir,” he said. Then he swallowed nervously.

“You must be. She’s really got her back up this time. Vanni’s down at the stable, but I’d like a word with you before you go after her, if you don’t mind.”

I mind, Paul thought. Do I have a choice? “Certainly,” he said.

“You know, I’ll forgive a man a lot of things, but toying with my daughter’s feelings, hurting her after all she’s been through, that’s a tough one. That would be hard, even though we owe you for all you did.”

“Sir, I’m not toying with her, I’ll make it up to her somehow. I just wasn’t thinking real clear after we buried Matt, and after little Matt was born. My judgment wasn’t keen. I’m afraid I made a mess of things.”

“Well, I can’t say much about that—I don’t know that anyone’s judgment was as good as it could have been. It’s been a painful, difficult year.”

“Thanks for saying that, sir. I appreciate it. I guess you could be a lot less understanding.”

“Right now my only concern is Vanessa. Mind if I ask what your intentions are?”

“Not at all, sir. You have every right, under the circumstances. I’m in love with your daughter.…”

“That couldn’t escape my notice,” Walt said, leaning his elbows back on the railing. “Yet it doesn’t appear the two of you are on the same page there.”

With that full head of silver hair, tanned skin and bushy black eyebrows, Walt could look downright menacing. Paul gulped. “She mentioned the situation in Grants Pass?”

“She did. She has some concerns about you doing the right thing.”

“Oh, I’ll do the right thing—there’s no reason to worry about that. I tried to explain, the relationship wasn’t serious. I’m not very proud of that, sir. I didn’t see the woman very often—a few times in a year, that’s all. But it is what it is—I can’t deny I was involved.”

“And now?” Walt asked.

“Well, sir, even if Vanessa tells me I don’t stand a chance in hell, I’m still not inclined go any further with the other woman. It just wouldn’t work.”

Walt frowned. “Maybe Vanessa misunderstood you,” he said. “I thought there was some kind of commitment.”

“Absolutely, sir. I’ll take care of her and my child. I’ll support them and it’s my intention to be an involved father. But as for the mother—I hope for her sake she can find a man who’s right for her, a man who isn’t in love with another woman. Regardless of that, I plan to help raise my child. It’s the only way. It’s the right thing to do. It’s what I want to do.”