I knew that wasn’t what he was trying to do, but right that moment, I didn’t care. I didn’t want logic or reality or morality. I just wanted to be comforted, to be told everything was going to be okay, even though it wasn’t.

The Fae are reserved by nature, and seeing Connor had shaken my dad enough that he’d actually let me see how he was feeling for a while. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted the father I’d always daydreamed about having, the one who would protect me and nurture me and love me. Not the one who would try to explain to me after the worst day of my life that it would be wrong for me to let a homicidal maniac loose in the mortal world.

Suddenly, I couldn’t stand to be in his presence anymore. I sprang up from the couch, shaking off my father’s arm when he tried to reach for me. The bedroom upstairs was no longer mine, but my mother’s; however, it was the only place I could think of to go to get away from my dad.

With a fresh round of tears already on their way, I slammed open the door to the stairwell and charged up the stairs two at a time.

*   *   *

It took a while to get control of myself again. Every time I thought the tears were going to slack off, I’d come up with a new round of reasons why everything that had gone wrong was my fault. If only I’d found the strength to just deal with my mom and her problem, I’d never have come to Avalon, and Ethan would never have been captured by the Erlking.

The only thing that finally allowed me to stop the pity party was my absolute determination not to give up on Ethan. My dad might think it was impossible to save him from the Wild Hunt, but damn it, I was going to find a way. Without letting the Erlking go on a killing spree.

I went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face, then made the mistake of looking at myself in the mirror. I was not a pretty sight. My eyes were all red and puffy, and my hair was stuck to the tear tracks on my cheeks. I took a couple deep breaths, then cleaned myself up as best I could. My eyes still looked like crap when I was done, but at least I’d managed to brush out the tangles in my hair and get it pulled back into a neat ponytail.

My plan was to go downstairs and apologize to my dad for blowing up at him. I still thought he should have known I wouldn’t lead the Wild Hunt out into the mortal world for their version of fun and games, but I knew I’d overreacted. After all, it was obvious that seeing Connor had hurt him. Much as losing Ethan hurt me, I doubted it could compare to the pain of losing a son.

My mom intercepted me before I could go talk to my dad. She was waiting for me when I stepped out of the bathroom.

“I know you haven’t grown to love tea,” she said, holding up a mug, “so I made you some coffee.”

Damn if my throat didn’t start tightening again. I swallowed hard and managed to hold it together. “Thanks,” I said, taking the mug from her and wrapping my hands around it. The only coffee my dad kept in the house was instant, but it was better than nothing. I took a sip and managed not to grimace. At least it was warm and soothing.

Mom sat on the edge of the bed, then patted the mattress beside her to indicate I should sit down. Despite my intention to apologize to my dad, I can’t say I was in any hurry, so I was perfectly happy to obey. She put her hand on my back and rubbed up and down while I sipped my coffee. I usually would have shaken her off, but right now, I was too desperate for comfort.

“You really like this boy, don’t you?” she asked softly.

I squirmed a bit. Mom and I didn’t exactly have a warm and cuddly relationship. I’d never talked boys with her, and I certainly hadn’t told her much about Ethan. I didn’t exactly feel like talking now, but Mom was reaching out to me in a way she never had when she was drinking. If I shrugged her off, she might never try it again.

“I guess,” I told her. “It’s kind of complicated, though.”

I didn’t look at her, but I could hear her smile in her voice. “It always is.”

I made a little sound that was almost a laugh, then took another sip of terrible coffee as I gathered my thoughts. “I don’t think it would make a difference if I hated his guts,” I said. “I’d still feel awful that he was hurt because of me.”

“It’s not your fault, honey.”

I shook my head. “Yes, it is. The only reason the Erlking targeted Ethan was because of me. If I’d just listened to you when you’d tried to warn me about Avalon…” It showed a bit about my state of mind that I would actually make that argument. My mom had told me so many conflicting stories about my dad and about Avalon that I’d had no idea what to believe. I’d finally decided I would have to see for myself, and that’s what had started this whole nightmare.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother wince. “That’s hardly your fault,” she said, looking unhappy. “I know I didn’t make it easy for you to know what to believe. Maybe if I hadn’t tried to embellish the story to make you not want to come…”

Maybe she hoped I would let her off the hook for that, but I wasn’t about to. We were having a warm, mother/daughter moment here, but that certainly didn’t mean I was ready to forgive her for the wreck she’d made of her life and mine.

She shook her head and continued as if she hadn’t been expecting me to say anything. “Then again, if you hadn’t come, you’d never have met your father. I know he’s not perfect, and I hate that you’ve had to go through so much, but I am glad you got to meet him. And that he got to meet you. I always felt so terrible about hiding you from him…”