“I know.” Paragon spoke into his hands, cupped over his face. Shame swept through him and touched Kennit as well. “I know. I tried. I did try.”

“What happened?” Despite himself, Kennit spoke gently. He did not want to know. Paragon’s rich deep voice reminded him of thick treacle over morning cakes, of warm summer days running on his decks barefoot while his mother begged his father to make the boy be more cautious. Memories, all those memories, had soaked into the wood of this ship and were bleeding up into him.

“I went down to the bottom and stayed there. I did. Or I tried. No matter how much water I let in, I could not sink all the way. But I stayed under and I stayed hidden. Fish and crabs came. They picked clean the bones. I felt purified. All was silent, cold and wet.

“But then serpents came. They talked to me. I knew I could not understand them, but they insisted I did. They nagged me and pushed me, asking me questions, demanding things of me. They wanted memories, they asked me for memories, but I kept my word to you. I kept all our memories secret. It made them angry. They cursed me, and they taunted me and mocked me and… I had to, don’t you see? I knew I had to be dead and forgotten by all but they would not let me be dead and forgotten. They kept making me remember. The only way I could do as I had promised you was to rise again. And… then, somehow I was in Bingtown again, and they righted me and I feared they would sail me but they dragged me up on shore and chained me there. So I could not be dead. But I did my best to forget. And to be forgotten.”

The ship drew a ragged breath.

“And yet you are here,” Kennit pointed out to him. “And not only here, but bringing folk who would kill me to my own waters. Why, ship? Why did you betray me like that?” True agony was in his voice as he asked, “Why do you make us both face this all over again?”

Paragon reached up to seize handfuls of his own beard and drag at it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he cried. The penitent boy’s voice came oddly from those bearded lips. “I did not mean to. They did not come to kill you. They said they only wanted Althea’s ship back. They were going to offer to buy Vivacia back from you. I knew they did not have enough coin for that, but at one point I hoped that when you saw me, you would want me back. That perhaps you would take me in trade.”

The voice was rising to an edge of anger now. Paragon’s shock at feeling his presence was wearing off. “I thought perhaps when you saw me, clean and well-rigged and riding level in the water, you would want me back. I thought a Ludluck might want the rightful ship of his own family instead of one he had stolen! Then I heard from the lips of a pirate that you had said you had always wanted a ship like her, a liveship of your own. But you’d had one. Me! And you’d cast me aside, told me to be dead and forgotten. And I’d agreed to it, I’d promised to die and take the memories with me. Remember that night? The night you said you could not live with such memories, that you had to kill yourself because you could not go on? And it was I who thought of it, I who said I would take all the memories, the pain memories, the bad memories, even the good memories of times that could never come again, and I would take them and die so that you could live and be free of them. And I thought of how we could end them all. I took them all with me, everyone who knew what had been done to you. Remember? I purified your life for you, so you could go on living. And you said you would never love another ship as you had loved me, that you would never want to love another ship as we had loved. Don’t you remember that?”

The memory burned up from Kennit’s clutching hands to his shaking soul and settled there. He had forgotten how painful such memories could be. “You promised,” Paragon went on in a shaking voice. “You promised and you broke that promise, just as I broke mine. So we are even.”

Even. A boy’s concept. But the soul of Paragon had always been a boy’s soul, abandoned and forsaken. Perhaps only another boy could have won his love and friendship as Kennit had. Perhaps only a boy who had been as abused and neglected as Paragon could have stood by Kennit’s side through the long days of Igrot’s reign over him. But Paragon had remained a boy, ever a boy with a boy’s logic, while Kennit had grown to be a man. A man could face hard truths, and know that life was seldom even or fair. And another hard truth: the shortest distance between a man and his goal was often a lie.

“You think I love her?” Kennit was incredulous. “How could I? Paragon, she is not blood of my blood. What could we share? Memories? I cannot. I have already entrusted them all to you. You hold my heart, ship, as you always have. I love you, Paragon. Only you. Ship, I am you, and you are me. Everything I am, or was, is locked within you. Safe and secret still… unless you have divulged it to others?” Kennit asked the question cautiously.