I turn the TV off and leave my whiskey on the coffee table. My bedroom feels sterile to me. The only hint that someone actually sleeps here is the rumpled duvet from my earlier f**k with psycho-pet. I’m just about to turn off the light and give up on this day when my phone buzzes.
What could my mother want now?
I pick it up and look at the face.
Rook.
Life improves instantly.
“Miss Corvus,” I rumble out smoothly. Even I can hear the want in my voice. “I realize you don’t need beauty rest, but some of us do.”
She snorts at me. “Ford, you are so, so stupid! I just called to tell you I found this little Eric Cartman toy on my seat. In fact, I sat on it and it made me jump.” I picture this in my head and I wish I was there to see it. “And imagine my surprise when I opened it and found that card.”
Busted. I didn’t write the card, Sasha did. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Tell me what the card says.”
“It says,” she stops to clear her throat. “To Ford’s friend who is a girl. He likes you a lot, but I’m gonna try and steal his heart when I get my braces off, so you better move fast. Merry Christmas, Sasha and Ford Forever. XXOO, heart, heart, flower.”
I laugh. I laugh so hard it echoes off the walls in this stupid ultra-modern condo. “Well,” I tell her, “that pretty much made my whole day. If I could have you and Sasha together, my life might be complete.”
“I got you something too, Ford. But I was afraid to call it a gift. Ronin says you don’t like holidays.”
“Some people make some holidays more tolerable than others. What did you get me?”
She takes a deep breath. “I talked Ronin into letting me do another season of Shrike Bikes. But I’m not gonna do it unless you’re the producer. So if you’re out, I’m out too. Because I never realized how much we do together until we were separated this month. When I don’t run with you every day, I feel a little lost. You kinda ground me, Ford. I need it. I need that show and I’m really looking forward to all of us being together again.”
I breathe deeply to calm my racing heart. “I just heard today that Season Two is on. My assistant called from LA and said they want to film during the trials. I know it’ll be hard, but we’ll manage it, OK? Ronin, Spence, and I will make sure we come out of this looking squeaky clean.”
“I’ve never doubted you guys, Ford. Never. I look at my life today and I think to myself—Rook, how the hell? Ya know? Just how the hell did you get here? Remember when you asked me that last summer?”
“Yeah,” I say as I think back to that day. I was falling in love with her and I didn’t even know it. “Last Christmas I was in Japan, all alone, producing a game show. Two Christmases ago I was still enjoying the fact that I had two parents, even if I did take them for granted. Three Christmases ago I was fighting with Ronin and Spencer so bad, we stopped talking completely. Four Christmases ago Mardee was dead from an overdose. Five Christmases ago I was running cons with Ronin and Spencer like we were invincible. I feel like I’m going in circles, ya know? Ending up right back where I started. But you, Rook. You’ve changed my life.”
I stop there because I’m very close to telling her how I really feel and I’m not gonna confuse her like that on Christmas. She loves Ronin, not me. If I was a good guy I’d leave her the f**k alone, just move on to my next job and get over it.
“Well,” she says to slice through my silence. “Five Christmases ago I thought Wade Minix was my forever guy. Four Christmases ago I thought Jon Walsh was my forever guy. Three Christmases ago I was getting the shit beat out of me by my soon-to-be husband. Two Christmases ago I thought I was going to be a mom.” She stops here to pull herself together and it almost breaks my heart listening to her talk about the baby she lost. “And last Christmas we had this big party at our house in Illinois. It was a nice party actually, but I can only really remember two things. My body was very sore from Jon beating me the night before and I was very cold because I was standing outside in the middle of the night, looking up at the stars. Like I am right now.”
“You’re outside?”
“Mmmhmm. I saw this star that night. It was so, so bright. And it had a bluish color to it. And maybe I’ve never really looked before, but I’ve never seen a blue star. It struck me as special, ya know?”
I grab my coat from the front closet and slip outside on my balcony so I can look at the stars as she talks. “I’m outside now too. It’s f**king cold out here, Rook!”
“I know. But I wanted to look for that star when I called you, can you help me find it?”
“Was it in the south?”
“Ummm, yes, I think. I was standing next to Jon’s car, looking up over the trees behind the house. That’s South, right?”
I don’t want to think about that house but I force myself to picture it on the satellite image Spencer and I used to find Rook when she took off last fall. “Yeah, the woods were south, so you would’ve been looking southwest. Where are you now? On Ronin’s balcony or the garden terrace?”
“Garden terrace.”
“Walk over and look at Coors Field.”
“OK”
“Then look left a little bit, then up at the sky. It’s twinkling tonight.”
“I see it! Oh my God, Ford, how do you know this shit?”