My heart flipped in my chest, breaking into hundreds of irreparable pieces. My breath was stolen, and I couldn’t breathe. No air would move into my lungs. I was slowly suffocating as I held the man I loved against me.

He stopped crying and looked up at me with a tearstained face. There were lines in the blood on his cheeks where his tears had fallen, a trail of sadness mixed with a trail of murder.

My fingers moved over the mixture, feeling his skin and wishing that things could have been different—wishing that I’d met him under different circumstances—wishing he wasn’t sick.

In the distance, the sound of police sirens echoed. They were coming for him, and as badly as I wanted to keep him forever, I knew I couldn’t. I knew he belonged behind bars, but not at Fulton. I’d still get him out of that place. I’d still save him from prison, but in return, he’d spend the rest of his days in a mental institution. It was where he belonged.

He tensed when the sirens grew louder. Their flashing lights skimmed my curtains and even in the middle of the day, they lit up the white lace with red and blue.

The soft overgrowth of Christopher’s hair tickled my palm as I ran my fingers over his face and head. Perhaps I was sick for still showing him emotion knowing he’d killed a man not minutes before. Maybe that made me a terrible person, but I couldn’t help it. I loved him.

“I’m a monster, Lyla.”

“Shhh,” I continued to soothe him. “You’re not a monster; you’re just sick. I promise we’ll get you help. I promise I’ll get you out of Fulton.”

His eyes grew wide and he stood, backing away from me like I was the dangerous one.

“No.” He shook his head. “I’m dangerous. I can’t be trusted. I belong at Fulton. I belong away from you.”

Again, tears filled his eyes and escaped down his cheeks. He closed his eyes and turned his head. He was in pain. I was in pain. And there was nothing we could do to make it go away.

“No. You belong in a facility, but not one like Fulton. I’ll take care of you, Christopher. I love you so much.”

Again, his eyes widened. “Don’t love me, Lyla!” he shouted, making me jump.

Seeing my distress, his voice softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just that it’s not save to love me.”

I moved. When I went to him and wrapped my arms around his center, he didn’t stop me. He didn’t touch me either. Instead, he held his palms up as if he’d kill me with a single touch.

“I’m protecting you, Lyla. Let me protect you from me, please,” he begged.

I hugged him tighter, sure that I, too, was losing my mind. “I’ll be fine. We’ll make this work.” I couldn’t believe the words that were coming from my mouth. What kind of person was I?

Grasping my shoulders, he set me away from him. The sadness in his eyes cleared and instead, I only saw resolve.

“No. I’m not doing this to you. I won’t ruin your life this way.”

He wasn’t making any sense, but before I could ask him what he meant, a policeman called out to us over the loudspeaker.

“Christopher Jacobs, we know you’re in there. Come out with your hands up.”

Looking down at me, he ran his thumb over my cheek and the sadness returned to his eyes. “Thank you, Lyla, for giving me greatness.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “No, thank you.”

Standing on my tiptoes, I pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back briefly before pulling away and clenching his eyes closed.

“I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I love you more than anything in this world.” His words struck me in the chest and again, a wave of fresh tears rushed down my cheeks.

“I love you, too, Christopher.”

His somber eyes devoured my face as if it were the last time he’d ever seen me. It wasn’t. I was going to fix this, even if fixing this meant having him committed for life. I’d rather him live the rest of his days in a mental facility than Fulton.

“You’re not going to give me up, are you?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No. You’re mine, and I’m yours. That’s all that matters. We’ll deal with the rest as it comes.”

Leaning in once more, he kissed me hard, weakening my knees and sending my mind twirling, but when he pulled away, he pushed me to the wall and pinned me there. Fear flooded my veins, but I didn’t flinch. He loved me. Regardless of how sick he was, I had faith that he would never hurt me.