Chapter Thirty-two

Aspen

I don’t immediately hear the loud engine of his uber-macho car, so I peek out the back window to see him sitting in the front seat, pounding his fists on the steering wheel.

What could possibly be going on in his head that has him so messed up? He was going to say he loves me. He does love me. I hear it in his words. Feel it in his touch. See it in his eyes.

I want to go after him, but I’m in a robe that barely covers my ass, so I race upstairs, hoping I can dress before he leaves. I throw on a t-shirt and some yoga pants and fly down the stairs, just in time to hear his car driving away.

I pick up my phone, wanting to call him, but knowing he won’t answer. I look at it, realizing I can follow him. I eye the pile of money on the table and then grab it before I run out front and hail a cab. I climb in the back seat. “I need you to follow someone.”

“Lady, are you crazy?” the cabbie says. “I’m not going to cause an accident. They’d pull my permit.”

I shake my head and hold up my phone. “I don’t mean you need to chase another car. I know his location. Just drive where I tell you.”

He narrows his eyes. “Just how long do you expect to be on this goose chase, Miss?”

I don’t tell him it could last a while. That the only reason Sawyer ever drives his car is if he’s going out of the city.

I wave around the wad of cash in my hand. “Don’t worry, I can cover it.”

He eyes the cash. Then he looks at me like I think my father would have under these circumstances. “In my experience, this never ends well,” he tells me.

“It may not. But I at least have to try.”

“It’s your life, Miss. And your money. Where to?”

I open the ‘Find My Friends’ app – the one Sawyer demanded I install after we signed the contract. He wanted to make sure I was going to be where I said I was. I told him it went both ways, that if he got to know where I was, I should get to know where he was. But I’m fairly sure neither of us has used it until now.

So here I sit in the back of a cab, a desperate woman chasing after an untouchable man, wondering how I could have sunk so low.

I give the cabbie the directions. We’re only a few blocks behind Sawyer, so it’s not hard to stay close. But thirty minutes later, when we’re on a bridge heading out of the city, the cabbie questions my intent.

“Looks like he’s headed to Connecticut. You sure you want to do this?”

I throw a hundred-dollar bill in the passenger seat. “I’m sure.”

He looks at the bill and laughs. “I hope he’s worth it.”

“Me, too.”

Every so often, I throw another hundred up front just to keep his mouth shut. We pass by Stamford and Bridgeport and eventually turn off I-95 toward the town of New Haven.

This is where Sawyer grew up. Not that he told me, but it’s listed on his Wikipedia page. What’s he coming home to? His parents are gone and, as far as I know, he doesn’t have any siblings.

My thoughts go haywire and my heart falls. It has to be a woman. One he runs to when things get tough. I run to Denver or Bass. He runs to her.

As the cab pulls up in front of a small suburban home, I can see Sawyer still in his car. And he’s still pounding the steering wheel. Maybe he feels guilty about running to her. Maybe he’s going to turn around and leave. Maybe we should drive down the block and let him.

But his car door opens and he gets out, making a bee-line for the front door.

I quickly settle with the cab driver, leaving him an insanely huge tip, and jump out the back door.

“Is this her house?” I yell, as he walks up the sidewalk. “Is this where the beach lady lives? Did you run back to your real girlfriend?”

I realize I sound like a jealous bitch, but I’m sick of his lies and his excuses. I’m sick of his walking away from me when he gets secret phone calls. I’m tired of loving a man who is incapable of love.

“What the fuck, Aspen? Who’s the crazy one now?” He watches the cab pull away from the curb. “You followed me?”

I hold up my phone. “You’re the brilliant one who wanted us to be able to track each other.”

He looks at the house and then back at me, guilt washing over his features. “Danny lives here.”

“Dani? Is that her name? Great, so how about introducing her to the woman you’re fucking in her place.”

He cringes. “Don’t talk like that.”

“Too scared to introduce us? You think it might tarnish your precious reputation?”

He looks to the sky and runs his hands through his hair. “Danny isn’t a woman, Aspen.”

“She’s not?”

“No.”

I furrow my brow. “Then I’m confused.”

He takes in a big breath and lets it out. He is scared of something. But now I just don’t know what.

“You want to see why I can’t do this?” he asks, pointing his finger between the two of us. “Come on. I’ll show you.”

He grabs my hand and hastily pulls me to the front door where he rings the bell. A woman answers the door. An older woman, probably in her fifties. And she seems surprised to see Sawyer. She recovers from her surprise, quickly looks me over, and then leans out of the doorway to give Sawyer a kiss on the cheek in greeting.

“Hi, Sawyer. I wasn’t expecting you,” she says. “Did I forget you were coming?”

“I didn’t know myself until just a little while ago. Is it okay?”

“Sure. Daniel just had his bath and is putting on his pajamas. He should be right out.”

I look from Sawyer to the woman as her words settle in.

He has a secret. A reason he can’t be with someone. Danny is a boy not a girl.

Oh, my God. It all makes sense now.

“Sawyer, do you have a son?”

His eyes grow wide. “Uh, no. Why would you think that?”

I shrug. “You’re so secretive. I just, I guess I thought …” I nod to the woman.

The woman laughs. “Oh, Lord, no.” She holds out her hand to me. “What your rude companion means to say is that I’m Lucy Edwards. And it’s a pleasure to meet you, Aspen. I’ve read a lot about you despite the fact that our mutual friend doesn’t talk much.”

“Sorry,” Sawyer grunts out in apology. “Aspen doesn’t know about Danny. She kind of followed me here after we had a fight.”

Lucy nods in understanding. “Ahhh. I think I get it. You followed him to find out about his dirty little secret.”

I nod in shame.

“He’s not my dirty little secret, Lucy,” Sawyer says in disgust.

“Both of you, come on in. Daniel should be right out.”

We walk into Lucy’s house and I look around, searching for clues. Anything to help me understand what is going on here.

Then, suddenly, a man comes lumbering down the hallway and almost tackles Sawyer onto the couch.

“Sawyer! Did you come to say goodnight?” he asks excitedly.

“You bet I did, buddy. And I brought a friend. Danny, this is Aspen.”

I stare at the man who is a man, but also a child. He’s almost as big as Sawyer, but his words are simple, and something about the way he looks is … off. He looks so innocent and carefree. Much younger than his years would indicate.

I hold my hand out to him but he pulls me into a tight hug instead. “Aspen is a funny name,” he says, squeezing me.

“Daniel, that’s not a nice thing to say,” Lucy scolds.

“It’s okay,” I say. “It is a funny name. My parents really liked skiing.”

“Aspen is the name of a city,” Lucy tells Danny. “Can you guess what state it’s in?”

Danny thinks on it and then runs over to get a large atlas from the bookshelf. Lucy opens it to the center pages where there is a huge map of the U.S. She gives him clues, telling him he’s hotter or colder when he moves his finger around. When he finally points to Colorado, we all cheer.

“Danny, Aspen has a twin brother who is also named after a city in Colorado,” Sawyer says. “Can you guess what his name is?”

Looking at the atlas, it doesn’t take him long to guess Denver’s name.

It’s becoming obvious to me that Danny has some major mental deficits. What’s not obvious is how this has anything to do with Sawyer and me.

When Sawyer walks Danny back to tuck him into bed, Lucy pulls me into the kitchen. “You look confused.”

“I have no idea what’s going on here,” I say. “One minute we were … we were … and then he almost … and then he ran off and now we’re here.”

“There’s a lot more to this story than you know. But I’m going to leave it to Sawyer to fill you in.” She pulls down two bottles of wine from on top of her refrigerator. “Do you like red or white?”

I cock my head to the side.

“Honey, I’ve never seen a person more in need of a drink than you are right now,” she says laughing. “You two can sit out on the back porch. Let him tell you all about Danny. It might explain some things about the man you love.”

I let out a sigh. Right. The man I love. The man who the world thinks loves me back. In fact, they think he loves me so much he wants to marry me. What a farce.

“You do, don’t you? Love him, I mean. Even though you’re faking it. Even though he hired you to be his girlfriend?”

My eyes go wide. “You know about that?”

“I heard him talking to Danny about it one day when he didn’t know I was listening. I guess he needed to tell someone and Danny was a safe bet to keep a secret since he wouldn’t understand. Sawyer doesn’t know that I know. But I’ve watched him these past months, both in person and in the news. He’s changed. Arrangement or not, you’ve changed him. I see the way he looks at you. There’s nothing fake about it.”

“He says he can’t have a girlfriend. He says he’ll hurt me.”