"For the same reason I keep Bobby Ray. Sometimes a woman needs a man for company, no matter how useless he is."

From what I knew of Bobby Ray, I liked him pretty well. He was an amiable old man. smelling of druestore cologne and WD-40. Although Bobby Ray didn't officially reside in

Miss Marva's trailer, he could be found there most of the time. They seemed so much like an old married couple that I had assumed they were in love.

"Do you love Bobby Ray, Miss Marva?"

The question made her smile. "Sometimes I do. When he takes me to the cafeteria, or rubs my feet while we watch our Sunday-night programs. I guess I love him at least ten minutes a day."

"That's all?"

"Well, it's a good ten minutes, child."

Not long after that, Mama kicked Flip out of our trailer. It was a surprise to no one. Although there was a high tolerance for shiftless males at the trailer park, Flip had distinguished himself as a major league underachiever. and everyone knew a woman like Mama could do better. It was just a question of what the last straw would be.

I don't think anyone could have predicted the emu.

Emus aren't native Texas birds, although from the number of them to be found, both wild and domestic, you'd have been excused for thinking otherwise. In fact, Texas is still known as the emu capital of the world. It started around '87 when some fanners brought some of the big flightless birds to the state with the ambition to replace beef as a cash crop. They must have been slick talkers, because they convinced just about everybody that the public would soon be clamoring for emu oil, leather, and meat. So emu producers raised birds to sell to other people to raise birds, and at one point a breeding pair cost about thirty-five thousand dollars.

Later on when a contrary public didn't take to the idea of replacing a Big Mac with a Big Bird, the bottom dropped out of the market and dozens of emu ranchers turned their worthless birds loose. At the height of the emu craze, there were plenty of birds to be found in fenced pastures, and like any animal in a restricted area, they occasionally found a way to get past the fence.

As best I could make out, Flip's emu encounter happened on one of those narrow country roads in the middle of nowhere, while he was driving back from a dove lease someone had let him in on. Dove season lasts from the beginning of September to the end of October. If you don't have your own acreage, you can pay someone else for the privilege of hunting their land. The best leases are covered with sunflowers or corn and feature a water tank, which brings the doves in fast and low, wings flashing.

Flip's share of the lease had been seventy-five dollars, which Mama had paid just to get him out of the trailer for a few days. We hoped Flip might be lucky enough to hit some doves we could grill with some bacon and jalapenos. Unfortunately, while Flip's aim was dead-on when an object was holding still, he couldn't get the knack of hitting a target in motion.

Heading back home empty-handed, his gun barrel still hot from the day's shooting. Flip was forced to stop his truck when the road was blocked by a six-foot-tall blue-necked emu.

He honked the horn and shouted at the creature to move away, but the emu wouldn't budge. It just stood there looking at him with beady yellow eyes. It wouldn't move even when Flip got his shotgun from the back of the truck and fired in the air. The emu was either too mean or too puny-brained to scare.

It must have occurred to Flip as he waited in a standoff with the emu that it looked a lot like a giant chicken with long legs. It also must have occurred to him that there was a lot of eating on that bird, about a thousand times more than a handful of tiny dove breasts. Better yet. unlike the doves, the emu was holding still. So in a bid to restore his injured masculinity, his aim fine-tuned by hours of flamingo practice, Flip hefted the gun to his shoulder and blew the emu's head clean off.

He returned home with the huge carcass in the back of the truck, expecting to be hailed as a conquering hero.

I was on the patio reading when I heard the familiar putter of Flip's truck and the sound of the engine being cut. Skirting around the trailer, I went to ask if Flip had caught any doves or not. Instead I saw a big dark-feathered body in the pickup bed: and bloodstains all over Flip's camo shirt and jeans like he'd been slaughtering cattle instead of dove hunting.

"Looky here," he told me with a big grin, tipping the bill of his cap back on his head.

"What's that?" I asked in amazement, inching closer to view the thing.

He postured a little. "Shot me an ostrich."

I wrinkled my nose at the smell of fresh blood that wafted thick and sweet in the air. "I don't think that's an ostrich. Flip. I think it's an emu."

"No difference." Flip shrugged, his grin broadening as Mama came to the door of the trailer. "Hey, honey pie.. .look what Daddy brung home."

I'd never seen my mother's eyes turn so big. "Holy shit, " she said. "Flip, where the hell did you get that emu?"

"Shot it on the road," he replied proudly, mistaking her shock for admiration. "Gonna be mighty good eating tonight. Tastes just like beef, they say."

"That thing must be worth at least fifteen thousand dollars," Mama exclaimed, putting a hand on her heart as if to keep it from leaping out of her chest.

"Not anymore," I couldn't resist saying.

Mama glared at Flip. "You've destroyed someone's private property."

"No one'll find out," he said. "Come on, honey, hold the door open so I can bring it inside and butcher it."

"You're not about to bring that into my trailer, you crazy dumbass! Take it away. Take it away now\ You're going to get us both arrested for this."

Flip was plainly bewildered that his gift was so unappreciated. Seeing the storm about to come, I mumbled something about returning to the patio and retreated to a spot behind the corner of the trailer. In the minutes that followed it was likely most of Bluebonnet Ranch heard Mama screaming that she'd had it, there was no way she was going to put up with him another minute. Disappearing into the trailer, she rummaged around for a short time, then came back with an armload of denim and boots and men's underwear. She flung the lot of it onto the ground. "Take your stuff and get out of here now!"

"You call me crazy?" Flip shouted back. "You're out of your gourd, woman! Quit throwing my things like—Hey, stop that!" It began to rain T-shirts and hunting magazines and foam beer can holders, the effluvia of Flip's life of leisure. Swearing and huffing indignantly. Flip gathered the objects from the ground and hurled them into his truck.

In less than ten minutes Flip had driven away from the trailer, his wheels spinning, gravel flying behind him. All that remained was the hulk of a headless emu. deposited right in front of our door.

Mama was breathing heavily, her face crimson. "That useless jackass," she muttered. "Should have gotten rid of him a long time ago.. .an emu, for Christ's sake..."

"Mama," I asked, coming to stand beside her. "Is Flip gone for good?"

"Yes, " she said vehemently.

I stared at the mountainous carcass. "What are we going to do with it?"

"I have no idea." Mama scrubbed her hands through her pale, rumpled hair. "But we've got to dispose of the evidence. That bird was worth a lot to somebody...and I'm not paying for it."

"Somebody should eat it." I said.

Mama shook her head and groaned. "That thing is one step up from road kill."

I thought for a moment, and inspiration struck. "The Cateses," I said.

Mama's gaze met mine, and gradually the scowl on her face was replaced by reluctant humor. "You're right. Go get Hardy."

To hear the Cateses tell it later, there had never been such a feast. And it went on for days. Emu steaks, emu stew, emu sandwiches, and chili con emu. Hardy had taken the bird to Earl's Meat Market, where the butcher, after promising strict confidentiality, had a high time processing it into fans, fillets, and ground meat.

Miss Judie even sent over an emu casserole for Mama and me, made with Tater Tots and Hamburger Helper. I tried it and thought it was one of Miss Judie's better efforts. But Mama, who was watching me with a doubtful gaze, suddenly turned green and fled the kitchenette, and I heard her getting sick in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, Mama," I said anxiously through the door. "I won't eat the casserole anymore if it makes you sick. I'll throw it out. I'll—"

"It's not the casserole." she said in a guttural voice. I heard the sounds of her spitting. and the gurgle of the toilet flush. The water spigot was turned on as Mama began to brush her teeth.

"What is it, Mama? Did you get a virus?"

"Uh-uh."

"Then—"

"We'll talk about it later, honey. Right now I need some—" She stopped for another spit. PtlPtl "Privacy."

"Yes, ma'am."

It puzzled me that Mama should have told Miss Marva she was pregnant before she told anyone else, including me. They had become friends in no time, despite the fact that they were so different. Seeing them together was like watching a swan keeping company with a redheaded woodpecker. But they shared a certain steeliness underneath their dissimilar exteriors. They were both strong women who were willing to pay the price for their independence.

I figured out Mama's secret one evening when she was talking in our kitchenette with Miss Marva, who had brought over a delicious peach cobbler with layers of sopping juice-soaked crust inside. Sitting in front of the TV with a dish and a spoon in my lap. I caught a few whispered words between them.

'"...don't see why he should ever be told..." Mama said to Miss Marva.

"But he owes you some help..."

"Oh no..." Mama lowered her voice again, so I could only hear a little here and there. ".. .mine, has nothing to do with him..."

"It won't be easy."

"I know. But I have someone to go to if things get bad enough."

I realized what they were talking about. There had been signs, including Mama's queasy stomach and the fact that she'd made two doctor visits in the space of a week. All my wishing and longing for someone to love, for family, had finally been answered. I felt a pinch in the back of my throat, something like tears. I wanted to jump up to my feet, I was so filled with happiness.

I stayed quiet, straining to hear more, and the intensity of my feelings must have reached Mama somehow. Her gaze fell on me, and she broke the conversation with Miss Marva long enough to say casually, "Liberty, go and start your bath now."

I couldn't believe how normal my voice sounded, just as normal as hers. "I don't need a bath."

"Then go read something. Go on, now."

"Yes, ma'am." I made my way reluctantly to the bathroom, questions darting through my mind. Someone to go to...An old boyfriend? One of the relatives she never talked about? I knew it had something to do with Mama's secret life, the one she had led before I was born. When I was a grown-up. I vowed silently. I would go and find out everything I could about her.

I waited impatiently for Mama to break the news to me. but after six weeks had passed and still no word, I decided to ask her directly. We were driving to Piggly Wiggly for groceries in the silver Honda Civic we'd had ever since I could remember. Recently Mama had gotten it all fixed up, all the dents and dings pushed out, new paint, new brake pads, so it was good as new. She had also bought new clothes for me, an umbrella table and chair set for the patio, and a brand-new TV. She had gotten a bonus from the title company, she explained.

Our life had always been like that...sometimes we would have to count every penny, but then little windfalls would come. Bonuses or small lottery winnings, or something left to Mama in some distant relative's will. I never dared to question her about the pockets of money that came our way. But as I got older I noticed they always happened right after one of her mysterious disappearances. Every few months, maybe twice a year, she would have me stay overnight at a neighbor's house, and she would be gone for a day and sometimes wouldn't come back until the next morning. When she returned, she restocked the pantry and the freezer, and there were new clothes, and things were paid off. and we could go out to eat again.

"Mama," I asked, staring at the delicately stern lines of her profile, "you're going to have a baby, aren't you?"

The car swerved slightly as Mama shot me an astonished glance. She returned her attention to the road, her hands gripping the steering wheel. "Good Lord, you almost made me wreck the car."

"Are you?" I persisted.

She was quiet for a moment. When she replied, her voice was a little unsteady. "Yes, Liberty."

"A boy or a girl?"

"I don't know yet."

"Are we going to share it with Flip?"

"No, Liberty, it's not Flip's baby, or any man's. Just ours."

I relaxed back in the seat while Mama's quick-stolen glance darted through the silence. "Liberty..." she said with effort. "There are going to be some adjustments for both of us. Sacrifices we'll both have to make. I'm sorry. I didn't plan on this."

"I understand. Mama."

"Do you?" A humorless chuckle. "I'm not sure I understand it."

"What are we going to name it?" I asked.

"I haven't even started thinking about that."

"We need to get one of those baby name books." I was going to read every name there was. This baby was going to have a long, important-sounding name. Something from Shakespeare. Something that would make everyone aware of how special he or she was.

"I didn't expect you would take the news this well," Mama said.

"I'm happy about it." I said. "Really happy."

"Why?"

"Because now I won't be alone anymore."

The car turned into a parking space in one of the rows of superheated vehicles, and Mama turned the key in the ignition. I was sorry I'd answered that way, because it had

brought a stricken look to her eyes. Slowly she reached out and smoothed back the front of my hair. I wanted to nudge against her hand like a cat being petted. Mama was a believer in personal space, her own and everyone else's, and she was not given to casual invasions of it.

"You're not alone," she said.

"Oh, I know, Mama. But everyone has brothers and sisters. I've always wanted someone to play with and take care of. I'll be a good babysitter. You won't even have to pay me."