CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

NICOLE RETURNED HOME from what felt like an endless day at the bakery only to find she could barely move inside her house. There were wall-to-wall football players. They were polite, eating enough for five times their number and oddly protective of her.

In the time it took her to cross from the back door to the doorway between the kitchen and the great room, she’d been relieved of the small bag she was carrying, asked how she was feeling twice and had an offer to go put gas in her car.

“I’m fine,” she told them all.

“Yes, ma’am. We know,” a boy named Kenny said. “We’ll be quiet. You won’t even know we’re here.”

There were at least ten of them. She was going to know.

“There are cookies in the pantry,” she said. “And a big box of frozen mini tacos that are pretty good in the microwave. Help yourself.”

Thank goodness for Costco, she thought as she made her way through the football players and climbed the stairs. Before Raoul had moved in, she’d never seen the point of buying for four hundred. Now she understood.

She closed the door of the bedroom and walked over to the bed. She knew why the guys were there. It was Wednesday and they’d been hanging out at her house every afternoon this week. They would leave when Raoul got home from working at the bakery. For some reason, he didn’t think she should be alone. It was sweet in a way. He was trying to take care of her.

He was going to be an extraordinary man, she told herself. One day he would find someone equally amazing and they would have a marriage that millions would envy. Including her. Because her love life was still floating in the toilet.

She loved Hawk enough to both be furious and feel bad for him. His move had been totally dumb. Why would she agree to marry him when they hadn’t even talked about the baby or how they felt about each other? His announcement that he loved her had been overshadowed by his bolt for freedom when she’d mentioned her pregnancy.

But she did feel bad that he’d been publicly humiliated. He was a guy with a big ego. Maybe too big. Maybe he couldn’t recover from what had happened.

Better to know now, she told herself. If he couldn’t handle the reality of a relationship, she needed to know that. But thinking the words didn’t erase the knot in her stomach.

She curled up on her side and pulled her knees to her chest. She kept waiting for him to show up and convince her he meant it. But he’d managed to keep his distance now for four days.

A couple of hours later, someone knocked on her bedroom door.

“I’m home,” Raoul called. “The guys are gone.”

She stood and crossed to let him in. “You can’t keep doing that. Your friends need to get their own lives. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

He ignored that and instead held out a large, thick envelope with the University of Washington logo in the corner. “They’re making a really good offer,” he said. “They’ll want me to live on campus the first year, but I’ll still be close and I can come back anytime you need me.”

He was only eighteen. This wasn’t his baby and she was only the person who’d given him a place to stay. But Raoul was loyal and responsible and he wanted to make sure she was taken care of.

“I don’t know if I should slap you or hug you,” she said, settling on putting her hands on her hips. “Either way, you are not putting your dreams on hold because I’m pregnant.”

“I’m still playing ball. They have a good team and they’re in a good conference. This is an offer I need to consider.”

“You are not picking a college based on the fact that I’m pregnant. I’m the grown-up here. I’ll be fine.”

“I want to be sure.”

Which was too sweet. “Raoul, I was born to take care of the world. I accept it. You need to consider all your offers and make your decision based on what is best for you. Pretend I don’t exist.”

“I can’t. You’ve been there for me.”

“We’ll talk about this later,” she said. “Okay?”

He nodded.

She was more touched than she could say and in more pain than she wanted him to know. While she knew he was speaking from the heart and she would always remember this moment, she also understood why he was worried. He didn’t think Hawk was going to come through. She had a bad feeling he was right.

CLAIRE’S STOMACH had grown since the last time Hawk had seen her at that dinner at her house. He hadn’t paid attention to the changes pregnant women went through since Serena had been carrying Brittany, and that was a long time ago. Now he found himself wanting to ask how Claire was feeling and when she was due. It just wasn’t natural.

But then nothing had been right for a while now. He missed Nicole more than he’d ever missed anyone. He was also angry and humiliated by the way she’d left him hanging out there.

It had taken him a couple of days to cool down and try to see things from her point of view. But the embarrassment still burned.

“I don’t know what to do,” he told Claire as she led him into her living room.

“Which is why I agreed to see you,” Nicole’s sister said. She motioned for him to sit on the sofa, while she took one of the chairs opposite. “I heard about what happened on Friday at the game. Did you really think it was a good idea?”

“Obviously or I wouldn’t have done it. I wanted her to know I was serious.”

Claire stared at him for a long time. He could see a lot of Nicole in her sister, although Nicole was much prettier.

“You took off like your butt was on fire when she told you she was pregnant,” Claire said. She didn’t sound amused.

Hawk resisted the need to squirm. “I wasn’t expecting it. I needed time to figure out what was going on.”

“Telling a woman you love her then running for the hills isn’t exactly the kind of demonstration we’re looking for.”

“It was a lot to take in. I didn’t have any warning.” He leaned forward and stared at Claire. “I didn’t expect to fall in love with her, okay? I loved Serena and when she died I figured I was done with love. I dated some, but I never seemed to get serious. I didn’t see the point. No one got to me the way Nicole does.”

He paused to remember their first meeting. “She’s so damn tough on the outside. Smart and mouthy. She’d rather eat glass than let anyone think she’s got a vulnerable side, but she also has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. She’s kind and generous and she’ll get in my face when she thinks I’m wrong. God, I love her.”

He rested his forearms on his thighs. “But I don’t know how to tell her that. I don’t know how to make it right. I pulled what I thought was this big romantic gesture and it blew up in my face.”

Claire’s expression softened. “Hawk, I hate to break it to you, but nothing about what you did was romantic. It wasn’t about Nicole and her needs. It was about you and your ego. You didn’t just want to propose, you wanted to be the star. That’s not the way to win most women and it’s sure not the way to win Nicole.”

“I know that now,” he muttered. “What is the way?”

“Tell her what you told me. Tell her why you love her. Tell her that she’s special and you’ve never known anyone like her. Tell her you love her more than anyone in the world.”

He started to say he couldn’t love her that way. That Brittany would always have a special place in his heart. Only his feelings for his daughter had nothing to do with his feelings for Nicole. They were totally different relationships.

“I don’t want to lose her,” he said slowly. “I can’t.”

“You shouldn’t. I think she needs you as much as you need her. The trick is going to be getting her to admit it.”

Hawk thanked her and left. He wanted to see Nicole, but instead he drove home and went into his study where he made a list of all the possible ways he could win Nicole.

BRITTANY STOPPED by after school on Wednesday.

“I can’t stay long,” she said as she walked into the house and smiled at Nicole. “I’m still grounded, which is a total drag. My dad really didn’t like the whole fake ID thing. I think it’s because it’s easier to deal with than me ha**g s*x with Raoul. Is that a dad thing?”

Nicole was surprised to see the teen. “Um, I’m sure it is.”

Brittany handed over the basket she was carrying. “This is for you. Kind of an apology for everything.” She sighed. “I’m doing a lot of apologizing lately and I’m getting really good at it. I’m not sure that’s an improvement or not. I think I’m supposed to get to the place where I don’t have to apologize. Oh, my dad took me shopping for all this. I didn’t sneak out. In fact, it was kind of his idea.”

Nicole didn’t know what to think. She still hadn’t heard from Hawk and it hurt more than she could say. If he’d really meant his proposal, wouldn’t he have tried to get in touch with her? Except she was the one who had rejected him, so maybe it was up to her. The problem was, she didn’t know what she wanted and she was terrified about putting herself on the line and admitting her feelings. Which meant they were both trapped in silence until one of them managed to make the first move.

Brittany set the basket on the sofa. “Well, open it.”

Nicole settled on the couch and pulled off the ribbon holding on the tinted plastic.

Inside were a couple of books on pregnancy, a stuffed bear, a receiving blanket, baby wipes, a baby-naming book, a gift certificate for ten hours of babysitting from Brittany, a rubber duck and a rattle.

Small presents, silly presents, but so thoughtful.

“This was really sweet,” she said, fighting a rush of emotion. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Brittany grinned. “I liked buying the baby stuff. My dad told me a lot about when I was little, which was cool. He’s excited, too, about having more kids. He told me.”

The teen hesitated. “I know my mom and dad really loved each other and it’s hard for me to think of my dad marrying again. But he’s a really great guy and he deserves someone special. Someone like you, Nicole.”

Which was great to hear, but did the message come from Brittany or Hawk and, if it was Hawk, what on earth was he doing sending it through his daughter?

“Thanks,” Nicole told her. “That means a lot.”

“We’re changing stuff at the house. Painting and getting some new furniture. Dad’s had me pack up a lot of the pictures. I’m keeping most of them to help me remember my mom. It’s kind of hard, but it’s good, too. You know? Making changes. Dad says it’s time for us to move on.”

“I’m glad,” Nicole said, hoping the moving on meant moving toward her. Was that what Hawk wanted her to think? And if it was, why wasn’t he telling her himself?

THE KEY TO WINNING a game was the details, Hawk thought as he diagramed out his strategy. Practice the basics, the essential skills that the other team would take for granted. Want it more than anyone else, put in the time and have a plan for success.

He picked up the phone. It was time for the first play of the game.

FLOWERS ARRIVED at the bakery Thursday morning. Beautiful starburst lilies with pink and white roses. The card said, “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Nicole touched the perfect petals and, for the first time since the previous Friday, felt herself relax. She hadn’t driven him away, rejecting his proposal like that. Which was good. Did he understand why it hadn’t been enough? Did he really love her?

She stared at the phone, wanting to call him and ask, but she wasn’t ready to talk to him. Not until she was sure.

At eleven, a real estate agent called.

“Ms. Keyes? I’m Geralyn Wilder. I have some material I’d like to send you.”

Nicole stared at the phone. “Okay, I think you have the wrong person. I’m not looking for a new house.”

“Mr. Eric Hawkins was very clear. He said for me to find the perfect house for a family. One close to your business and his school, with plenty of bedrooms and a big lot. I have a few listings I’d like to drop by. Will you be available tomorrow morning?”

“I guess,” Nicole said, not sure how to take the information. A big house perfect for a family sounded good to her. She pressed a hand to her chest and decided maybe, just maybe, it was okay to hope.

Chocolate was delivered at one, followed by a short man with a crew cut at two.

“Ms. Keyes, I’m Don Addison. May we speak privately?”

Nicole was more than a little nervous as she led Mr. Addison into her office. He shut the door.

“I’m a private detective, hired by Mr. Hawkins. He came to me a couple of days ago and told me about your sister. That she’s moved away. As she’s well over eighteen, she has a perfect right to do that, but family members worry about each other. I’ve found her.”

Nicole sank onto her chair. “You found Jesse?”

“Yes. Mr. Hawkins made it clear. If you don’t want to know, I’ll walk away. It’s up to you.”

Nicole didn’t know what to think. She’d been so torn about Jesse. About letting her go versus going after her. The old battle between head and heart.

“Tell me,” she whispered.

He handed her a folder. “She made it as far as Spokane. She’s working in a bar. The owner seems to have taken her under his wing. He’s older, a well-liked member of the community. There’s nothing romantic or sexual between them. He appears to be acting like a surrogate father. Her health is good. She recently saw a doctor about her pregnancy and all appears normal.”