“You’re exactly who I want to be with,” he told her. “You’re smart and funny and kind. You’re also sexy as hell.”

“You’re just grateful because I helped you see your potential.”

“I’m a whole lot more than grateful.”

He moved her hair off her shoulder, then leaned in and kissed her neck. Immediately tingles rippled through her. He opened his mouth and licked the spot he’d kissed, then blew on her damp skin. He nipped her earlobe, making her jump. She half turned. He put his hands on her shoulders, bringing her all the way around until she faced him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured between kisses along her jaw. “That’s what I remember from the first time we met. The sun in your hair, how your smile hit me in the gut. It was the best and worst moment of my life. Best because I met you and worst because of what you’d seen.”

“Matt, I never thought badly of you,” she said, barely able to speak. She was on fire, burning everywhere he touched and many places he didn’t.

“I know. It was amazing to me. You saw beyond what I was on the outside. And every time I went out with someone else, all I could think about was that I would rather be with you.”

He kissed her then, hard and hot. She parted because she didn’t have a choice, didn’t want a choice. She welcomed him inside of her mouth, brushing her tongue with his, feeling her br**sts swell.

Her ni**les ached, as did that place between her legs. She gave herself up to the feeling of being close to him and wrapped her arms around him.

They pressed together everywhere. He was already hard, which thrilled her.

When he nudged her backward, she went willingly. They moved until she bumped into something. Then he picked her up and set her on the bathroom counter.

She parted her thighs and he moved between them. His hardness nestled against her. Then they were kissing again, his hands moving up and down her back.

She touched his shoulders, his chest. He was all muscle and far too much a gentleman. She grabbed his hands and put them on her br**sts. His breath caught as he cupped her curves.

It would be so easy, she thought sadly. She knew the drill. She could slip off her jeans and panties. He could be in her in seconds. Here, in the empty house, they could be together. They could f**k. And then what?

Tears burned in her eyes. Regret choked her. She pushed him away, jumped to her feet and ran.

He caught her by the front door, grabbed her arm and held her in place.

“Why are you running away?” he demanded.

She did her best not to cry. “I can’t talk about it. I’m sorry. Let me go.”

“Jess, no. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

She forced herself to look at him. Maybe it was time to tell the truth. She could get it over with now. It would be like cutting off an arm. One quick slice and it would fall away. Then she could get used to being without him.

She pulled free and thought longingly of the door. Then she squared her shoulders. Time to sharpen the blade.

“You’re right,” she said quietly. “You’re a lot more than a project. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just wanted to make a difference, you know? To do something right. I saw you and you had so much going for you. Then we started hanging out and I realized you were even better than I thought.”

“You adore me and I like being adored. So where’s the bad?”

Despite everything, she laughed. “It’s not you, Matt. It’s me. I’m not who you think.”

“You’ve said that before and it’s not true. I know you.”

“No, you don’t. You know who I’ve let you see, but that’s not who I am. I’ve always been wild. My sister calls me a professional screwup and she’s right. I started drinking when I was twelve. I got into drugs when I was thirteen. I got bored with both when I was fourteen, mostly because I discovered boys.”

She walked to the window because looking out at the trees was a whole lot easier than staring at him and watching the disappointment fill his eyes.

“I learned very quickly that putting out was an easy way to be popular. I also enjoyed the sex itself. Mostly to be close to someone, to feel like I mattered, even if it was just for a few minutes. I was the school slut all through high school. Nicole found out and put me on the Pill so I didn’t get pregnant. I was lucky, because I never got any diseases. But there were guys, Matt. A lot of guys. There are some I don’t even remember.” She swallowed. “Those guys who call? I sleep with them. All of them.”

She fought tears. “And then I met you and you were great and it was easy and suddenly there I was. Wanting more. Wanting to be different so you would want me. Like me. But so what? You can do a whole lot better than me. I’m completely drifting. I don’t have any direction, I live with my sister, I can’t seem to commit to my future. You don’t need that. You need someone as focused and great as you are.”

There. She’d said it. All of it, or close.

“Are you done with the other guys?”

She bowed her head. “Yes. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want—a lot of other things.”

He walked toward her. She braced herself for the attack, but he only turned her toward him, then put his arms around her. She kept hers folded protectively across her chest, but he just held her closer.

“Don’t you know none of that matters?”

She stared up at him. “You can’t mean that.”

“Do I look as if I’m lying?”

He looked like a man who was very sure of himself. He looked like someone she could trust.

He touched her face again. “Jess, your past changes nothing. You’re the one I want to be with because of who you are right now.”

He was making it too easy.

“I want to believe you,” she whispered.

“Then try. Give it time. I won’t let you down.” His mouth twisted. “And I won’t push you sexually. Even though I want to.”

She smiled. “If anyone should be holding back, it’s me.”

“You don’t scare me.”

How was that possible? “I mess up a lot. I destroy relationships that matter.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Matt, you have to listen.”

“Jesse, do you want to go out with me? Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes.”

“Then be with me. The rest of it will work itself out. I can handle whatever you throw at me. Do you believe that?”

“I want to.” More than he knew.

“Then trust me. Just a little. I’m not going to let you down. I swear. No matter what. Just give me the chance to prove myself.”

She nodded because she didn’t have a choice. Walking away was impossible to imagine. Maybe he was right. Maybe she could trust him. Wouldn’t that be a miracle?

CHAPTER EIGHT

Present Day…

MATT REMEMBERED GROWING up in small apartments. His mom’s salary as a dental hygienist had only stretched so far. But while they’d struggled financially, he’d never much felt the lack. His mom had made simple moments seem special. She’d always found the money for what mattered…like the computers he’d taken apart, repaired and put back together when he was ten or eleven. Selling those had paid for the next he’d bought, along with the parts, but he’d never considered what she’d had to give up to buy the first broken computers.

He’d paid her back a thousand times over when he’d licensed his game modification. They’d moved out of their crappy apartment into the house in Woodinville. Money had never been a problem again. He’d been all of sixteen when he’d insisted on setting up a trust fund for her so she never had to work, if she didn’t want to. The house had been bought with cash. He’d wanted to do that for her, because she was his only family. Because it was the right thing to do.

Now, as he stood in front of that house, he wondered if he had it to do all over again, would he be so generous? He wasn’t sure. They’d barely spoken in the past five years. He had Diane send her a gift at Christmas and flowers on her birthday. He called on Mother’s Day. Nothing more. Because he’d never forgiven her for telling him about Jesse and Drew.

No, not for telling him. He’d never forgiven her for being happy about the news.

But he had to deal with her now. He’d wanted to see Gabe again and the kid was staying in her house.

When Jesse had phoned and suggested he spend a little time with his son, he’d agreed. Not because he had any burning desire to get to know him, but because it furthered his plan. What he resented was the casual way she called the shots. Not for long, he told himself. Soon he would be in charge.

Reminding himself of that helped with the anger that continued to grow inside of him. He’d blown it at dinner, he knew that. And kissing Jesse had been a mistake. He’d found himself reacting, wanting her. After all this time, how was that possible?

He knew that instant passion had always been a part of his relationship with her. Apparently time hadn’t changed that.

He moved up the walkway and rang the bell, ignoring the memories of living there. The door opened immediately, as if his mother had been waiting for him.

She stood in the entryway, staring at him with an expression that was equal parts hope and pain. She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes.

“Oh, Matthew,” she whispered. “I’ve missed you so much.”

The words surprised him, as did her air of vulnerability.

“Come in, come in,” she said, motioning for him to enter the house. “How are you? You look great. Gabe’s very excited about your visit. He’s been talking about it since he got up this morning. He’s such a happy child. He wakes up excited about the new day.”

There was the sound of footsteps, then Gabe skidded around the corner, before coming to a stop and staring at Matt.

Matt stared back, not sure what to say or do. This was the part he hadn’t thought through. Actually dealing with a child.

“Ah, good morning,” he said.

Gabe blinked.

Matt felt like an idiot, something he didn’t appreciate and for which he blamed Jesse. Paula touched the boy’s head.

“Your dad is going to spend the morning with us. That will be fun.” She smiled at Matt. “We made sugar cookies yesterday. I thought we could frost them this morning. Gabe’s excited about that, aren’t you?”

The boy had his eyes, Matt thought. “I like sugar cookies,” he said, not knowing what else to say. “Do you?”

The kid nodded. Hadn’t Jesse said he was verbal? Shouldn’t he be talking?

Paula ushered them into the kitchen. The room looked different. Matt guessed she’d remodeled sometime in the past five years. He wondered what else was different in her life.

“Here we go,” she said, pointing to the cookies she’d spread out on the kitchen table. There were pastry bags filled with colored icing. Paula eyed his suit jacket. “You might want to leave that in the other room and roll up your sleeves. This is going to get messy.”

Fifteen minutes later, he knew she wasn’t kidding. What Gabe lacked in skill, he made up for in enthusiasm as he gushed icing all over the cookies, the table and himself. He grinned and laughed as the gooey frosting oozed everywhere.

Paula leaned over his shoulder. “Is that a dog? I think that’s a dog.”

Gabe beamed. “Uh-huh. With spots.”

Matt stared at the mess of green and orange icing. How was that a dog? It wasn’t close to anything. How had his mom figured it out?

Matt used the white icing bag to put stripes on a few of the cookies. He felt uncomfortable and out of place. Gabe kept looking at him, as if expecting something.

Paula handed the kid several round cookies. “We talked about putting numbers on these,” she said. “Gabe, why don’t you start. You do the first number and your dad will do the second.”