Author: Molly McAdams

“I love you Princess.” With tears falling freely from his eyes, he kissed me quickly and walked out the door.

13

I didn't realize it was over and people were gathered around us until Bree pulled me up so I was now standing. We looked at each other, not knowing what to say, not knowing what to do. Mom was gripping both of our hands like a lifeline while Dad was standing behind her, holding her upper arms tight enough to support her. Some of their extended family came up and we all broke apart to accept hugs from them. I didn't know who most of them were, though they all knew me. There wasn't a dry eye in the church anyway, but when they looked down, or placed a hand on my stomach, new rounds of hysterics would burst out of them. It seemed too much to bear to everyone that I was holding the only piece left of him in this world. Chase.

It had been four days since the accident.

Four days since he told me he loved me, and I didn't say it back.

Four days since he died.

~~~

Twenty minutes after Chase left, Mom, Dad, Bree and I were sitting around the kitchen table talking through everything that had happened that day. Everyone was more shocked than I had been, but then again, they hadn't been there for every maddening moment of our relationship throughout this last school year. Bree's phone rang, and I knew it was Konrad by the way she answered it. I glanced at the clock, he should be back with my car soon from dropping Brandon off at Chase's house.

“No,” she whispered, face drained of color, eyes wide, “no you're lying. That's not funny babe.”

I tilted my head towards the phone and almost jumped out of my chair when she screamed bloody murder.

“NO!”

“Breanna!” Claire hissed, “Calm down!”

Bree was now staring at the phone, horrified, “We have to go!” She screeched and ran out of the kitchen, “WE NEED TO GO!”

The three of us stayed at the table until we heard the front door slam shut and her car start up. Bree was screaming from the car for us to hurry, fat tears falling from her eyes. Robert opened the driver door and pulled her out, depositing her in the back seat which I slid into after.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! DAD GO!” She screamed, cradling her head and rocking back and forth slightly.

I rubbed my hand across her back, and after I shared a confused look with her parents, he finally backed out of the driveway.

“Breanna honey, where is it I'm going?” He was talking soft and melodic, like she was a patient and he was the therapist.

She rattled off an intersection through her sobs.

Mom turned around from the passenger seat and pulled Bree's hands from her face, “Breanna, you're being dramatic, calm down and tell us what's wrong.”

Bree's phone rang again and she pushed the talk button, but didn't say anything. I grabbed the phone and managed to get it out of her death grip, checking the screen first, I brought the phone to my ear and spoke, “Uh, Konrad? Wha –”

“He's not waking up! I can't get him out, there's blood everywhere and he's not waking up!”

“Who Konrad?”

“The ambulance is pulling up, you need to hurry!”

I heard him screaming for whom I'm guessing were the EMT's, and then the call ended. I realized then that we could hear sirens from the car as well and looked up to see we were only a few blocks away now. Bree was still harshly whispering unknown words.

“I think he might have wrecked my Expedition?” I guessed, still confused. Then it hit me. Brandon. He was supposed to be taking Brandon home. Oh God no. Please no. Don’t take him from me.

We rounded the corner and saw the ambulance, fire truck and three SDPD cars blocking off part of the street. Dad drove down the street enough so he could park, and not block the rest of traffic, and that's when I saw everything. Konrad being pulled away by two police officers, struggling to get back to Chase's truck that looked like it was fused to the front of an eighteen wheeler. A scream that rivaled Bree's ripped from my throat and I bolted out of the car before it had stopped. I ran past the officers holding Konrad and made it by another few before a fireman caught me and swung me away from the wreck.

“CHASE!” I screamed and wailed on the man to put me down, “CHASE!” Everything was so silent, yet so loud at the same time. I couldn't hear the sirens, I couldn't hear the shrieks and sobs from his family, I couldn't even hear my own voice anymore. I can't describe what filled my ears, only that it was deafening.

I continued to struggle to get to Chase, and somehow realized I was no longer being carried away. I must have fallen to the ground and now two people were holding me so I couldn't get back up. I saw Konrad crushing Bree to his chest a few feet away from me, both sobbing and falling to the street as well. I didn't know where Claire and Robert were, but I couldn't make myself look around for them. My eyes snapped back to the truck as a few men pulled Chase through the passenger side door. He was limp, his blond hair and body covered in blood. A surge of adrenaline shot through my body and the next thing I knew I had pulled away from the people holding me and was running towards where they had put him on a stretcher in the street.

“Chase! Wake up! Please wake up!” I grabbed his lifeless hand before a female EMT could begin to remove me from the area again. I screamed at her and reached back towards him, “Don't leave me like this! Wake up Chase, please!”

I was taken to the back of a police car where an officer was trying to calm me down, and find out my relationship to the victim. I couldn't concentrate on him anymore, the high pitched silence was back. I looked over to Chase's family where they were standing next to a couple officers. Robert was the only one speaking, Claire and Breanna were clutching each other as Konrad was being taken to a second ambulance so the medics could tend to his arms. He had torn them up pretty severely when he tried to get Chase out of the truck. Another medic walked up to the family and spoke to the officers, I didn't need to be near them to know what he said. Bree's jaw dropped in a soundless scream and Mom fell to the ground while Robert bent at the waist, gripping his chest with one hand, his hair with the other. My arms cradled my belly as my little gummy bear gave a soft kick. “Daddy's gone baby.” I whispered.

~~~

Konrad was driving back after talking with, and dropping Brandon off at Chase's house, he had seen the whole thing. Chase blew through a red light, never once slowing down, the driver of the semi had been going almost sixty miles per hour.

“If there is anything we can do for your family, please let us know.” A couple I vaguely remembered from the New Year's Eve party hugged the four of us and turned to leave.

My eyes glanced over to the coffin and I felt the air leave my body. I'd been careful to keep my gaze on everything but the coffin, and now that I was looking at it, I couldn't seem to stop. I gripped Bree's arm and struggled to catch my breath.

“Breathe Harper.” A deep voice commanded as someone wrapped their fingers around my wrists.

My breaths came but they were coming too fast, and my ears were ringing. Chase was in there. Chase was in that box, dead. It was my fault, why did I let him leave that night? Big hands cupped my cheeks and turned my face, effectively tearing my eyes from the front of the church. As soon as the coffin was no longer in my sight I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on my breathing.

“Good girl Harper, keep breathing.” Thumbs brushed tears away from my cheeks, “Just keep breathing.”

I opened my eyes to see worried hazel eyes staring back at me.

“Better?”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my face to his blue shirt, “Thank you for coming Brandon.”

He rubbed soothing circles on my back until I unwrapped myself from him and latched back onto Bree. Ever since I'd been dragged out of Chase's bed this morning to attend the funeral, I felt like I constantly had to be touching someone, to make sure that this was all real. I desperately wanted to go back home, curl up in Chase's bed, breathe his scent in and numb my heart and mind again. This was all so much easier to deal with when I didn't feel anything.

Bree's next intake of breath was audible and her entire body tensed. “You have a lot of nerve showing up here.”

Trish was standing next to Mom, who after looking at her body covered in tattoos and pin up girl looks, put two and two together and stepped away. “I need to talk to you Harper.” She choked back a sob.

Brandon and Konrad moved so they were in between us, “I'm not sure that's the best idea, and this definitely isn't the place.” Konrad warned calmly.

She peered around Brandon, her eyes pleading, “I have to talk to you, you don't understand.” Trish burst into tears and took a step towards me, “You have to know.”

Pushing through the guys, I stepped up to her and waited for her to say whatever it was she felt was so important she would confront us here.

After a few moments of Trish trying to contain her tears, she finally began, “He didn't cheat on you, he loved you all he ever did was talk about you. I admit, I was jealous and I thought you had gotten pregnant on purpose, so he would have to be with you.” She looked nervously between Chase's family and myself, “That night at the party, I uh – I drugged him.” My face fell. What was she saying? “Those pictures weren't real. He was completely passed out.” She cried into her hand, her body now trembling, “I'm so sorry, you will never know how sorry I am.”

My palm connected with her face so hard, the sound bounced back to us from the walls of the church. “None of this would have happened if it weren't for you!” I screeched and brought my hand back again, but Brandon caught it and held both arms down at my sides, “He's dead because of you!” I began sobbing and crumbled in Brandon's chest.

“I think you should leave now.” Konrad growled at her from my side.

I shouldn't have slapped her, I shouldn't have yelled at her, but I couldn't stop myself. Because of this woman, the Grayson's lost a son and brother and my baby would never meet his father. Because of her actions, Chase's last conversation with me consisted of me telling him I didn't trust him, breaking up with him, and keeping myself from telling him I loved him. Because of Trish, my heart shattered, and Chase's stopped. I would never forgive this woman for taking him from us.