Author: Robyn Carr

“Shelby,” he said, stepping toward her. He reached for her hand and when she didn’t meet him halfway, he pulled her hand out of her pocket and drew her toward him. “I’m freezing. Come inside. Tell me about your plans.”

“I want this to be quick. I want you to remember me strong, sure of myself. You’re probably better at saying goodbye than I am. I don’t want to get all worked up.”

“I never say goodbye,” he said. He pulled her into the house and kicked the door closed behind her. He faced her and held both her upper arms in his hands. “Isn’t this kind of sudden?”

“Oh—I’ve known for a while this was coming. This was the best I could do. But I wanted to tell you a couple of things. It just matters to me that you know…. I don’t have any regrets,” she said. “I know I didn’t give you much of a choice—I was so determined that you were going to be the one, my first man, my first love. And I was mostly right—you made everything perfect. I don’t think I’ll live a day without remembering, without feeling your arms, your lips… Thank you, Luke. For treating me like you loved me. Every time you touched me, I believed you loved me.”

“What are you saying? That you’re not coming back? Ever?”

“I’m sure I’ll be back to visit the family, but not until I think I can do that without getting in your space. I mean, when I move on, you move on. I understand that. There will be another girl’s shampoo in your shower before I—”

“I don’t let just anyone keep shampoo in my shower,” he said. He pulled her close, put his arms around her. “Shelby, take off your coat. Stay with me a while.”

“Nah, I’m afraid if I stay even five minutes longer than I have to, I’ll never have the courage to go.” She pulled back and looked up at him. “I knew you were completely honest with me, Luke. I understood—you just like things free and easy, you don’t want all the complications that go with taking on a commitment to a woman. You don’t want a family. I guess not everyone does. I knew it, but inside there was a tiny little voice that kept saying, but he loves me enough for that to change. I thought maybe you could be that guy—the guy who’d say the perfect thing and keep me forever….”

He ran a hand through her hair. “Shelby, honey, I told you I was a bad choice if you were looking for those things. I’d make the promises if I could keep them.”

“Oh, you make them and keep them. You do it all the time. You promised me you’d never let yourself be tied down to a woman, and you meant it. I thought the right woman might change that, but…I realized I was kidding myself when you told me what you’d done for Art. You not only took him on and cared for him, but made a commitment to him, to be sure he was taken care of forever. That’s when I knew for sure—it wasn’t really commitment that has you running scared. It’s making a life with me, that’s what you can’t do. Something must be missing. I’m just not enough for you to take that kind of risk.”

“Nothing was missing,” he said. “Nothing. But I’m not a good bet and you have things to do. I saw you out there at the accident—you were born to help people. You have to go after that life, and you should see more of the world than you have. Shelby, the possibilities for you…”

“If that’s what it was, we’d talk about how to make all that happen. Together. There are a million ways to work this out, you and me. Except…there really isn’t a you and me. Not like I hoped there could be.”

“You think you’re ready for something like that, but you’re not. You were just born, baby. You have to get out of the nest now. Fly.”

“Oh, Luke, I’m not a newborn. I’ve been places that I pray, by the grace of God, you never go…. When I thought about it—you’ve made many commitments, not the least of which was the army. Brothers, business partners, friends. But Art was the one that made me really sit up and take notice.”

“Art’s different, Shelby. He has nowhere else to go. And if I couldn’t take care of him, I could find him a safe place. It’s not the same, you have to know that. And the army? Aw, hell, Shelby—they had me, I didn’t have them. It’s service or AWOL.”

“Bull. Everyone gets a discharge date, unless they re-up. You were committed. And I’m proud of you for that, I’m proud of you for everything, especially for Art. If I don’t go soon, I’m afraid I’ll stay here forever without ever hearing you say the things I need to hear. And that, more than anything, will break my heart.”

He shook his head, his eyes pained, but he didn’t let go of her. “I knew in the end I’d hurt you, and I never wanted to hurt you. Shelby, I want everything for you.”

“I believe you. I absolutely do. You couldn’t have loved me the way you did if you didn’t care, if you weren’t sincere. If I’m hurt, it’s just because you’re so damn hard to give up. And I’m so damn in love with you.” A tear ran down her cheek. She pulled away from him. “Be safe, Luke. I know I’ll think about you all the time.”

“What about Art? Aren’t you going to tell Art where you’re going? What you’re going to do?”

She shook her head. “God, I can’t,” she said softly. “I’ll fall apart. Luke, please, tell him for me. Tell him it was sudden and I’ll write to him. Please?” She was edging away from him and he abruptly pulled her back. He held her tight and covered her mouth in a searing and desperate kiss. In spite of herself, she returned the embrace and opened her lips to him, but a whimper escaped her. While he kissed her, Luke could taste her tears. When he released her lips, she dropped her head against his chest and for just a moment, she cried. It was very brief; her struggle was courageous. She pulled away from him and in a whisper said, “Goodbye, Luke. You were everything. You were all I needed. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you. Maybe someday you’ll meet someone who is.”

When she went out the door, he stood there for a long time. He heard her Jeep start, saw the headlights strafe the windows as she backed away, listened while the engine noise grew more faint and finally disappeared. And still he stood there. Then he hung his head.

Despite the wicked chill in the air, a few people from Virgin River braved the cold to gather together for dinner at Jack’s. Vanessa and Paul took Abby with them and while they were there, Mel and Cameron came over from the clinic. Mike V. stopped by for a beer before heading home where, he said, their baby daughter would no doubt be screaming like a banshee. Walt passed through only long enough to pick up some takeout for an evening with Muriel. Vanessa was pleased to notice that Cameron took a chair beside Abby and was visiting with her. For a second there she had a hopeful thought—that maybe those two could—

But then she noticed something in the way he seemed to gaze into her eyes and she seemed to lower her lids almost shyly. Abby was not shy. Sure, she was vulnerable right now and probably not in the best shape to receive the attentions of a single man, but… Cameron leaned toward her to say something quietly and Abby smiled and nodded. And then he touched her thigh under the table, giving her a soft and reassuring pat that turned into a brief caress. And Vanessa had to concentrate not to stare.

No one stayed late, the weather was just too frigid. No one seemed to notice that Vanni was unusually quite. Once they were home, Vanni settled the baby for the night and Paul fell asleep, sitting up in bed with a book in his lap. She crept out of her room. Abby was still in the living room, curled up on the couch in front of the fire with a throw around her shoulders.

Vanni went to the couch and lifted a corner of the throw, snuggling close.

“What’s the matter?” Abby asked. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“No. I’ve been thinking…”

“What’s got you thinking?”

“Math.”

Abby laughed. “Well, I can’t help you there. I was never good at math.”

“You left Nikki and Joe’s wedding reception. We knew you were depressed, we all knew you and Ross were on the skids even though you wouldn’t talk about it. We thought you went to your room to suffer in silence and even talked about trying to draw you out, but in the end decided sometimes a girl wants to be alone, to lick her wounds, think, maybe even cry.”

“Well…”

“And now I’m thinking, what are the chances you met someone that night, in Grants Pass? Someone so nice, so sweet. So sexy and handsome that you were tempted to actually pass some time with him. Someone I know.”

“Vanni…”

“He’s a good man, Abby. A very good man. He’s come to help our town. He courted me a little and when he realized I was in love with Paul, not only did he back away like a gentleman, he helped us—more than once.”

“Vanni, I don’t really know him.”

“Then I suggest you get to know him. Real soon. I could tell by the way you two looked at each other—there’s something happening there. You have his babies inside you, don’t you?” Abby looked down. “Well, if, worst-case scenario, you can’t fall in love with him, at least you can let him be a father to his children. He’s not a slimeball like Ross—he’s decent. And I happen to know—it would mean a lot to him.”

There was a long period of silence. “Do you think everyone knows?”

Vanni was shaking her head. “No one knows you like I do. And remember, I know him, too. Lucky guess. Plus, I was in Grants Pass. Abby, you’re going to have to deal with this. Does he know?”

“It didn’t take him long to guess,” Abby said. “Just exactly what I was hoping to avoid.”

“Well, kiddo, that ship has sailed. How in the world did this happen?”

Abby shrugged. “He was alone in the bar. So was I. We spent a couple of hours, just the two of us, talking. Laughing. And my head was so screwed up, I let myself be coerced upstairs to his room. I never meant that to happen. It was a mistake.”

“I don’t know about that. Sounds like it could have been fate. So, what’s the plan?”

“He doesn’t think it will raise many eyebrows if we become friends, get to know each other a little bit. But, Vanni, you have to understand something— I’m not diving headlong into another relationship with someone I don’t know very well. It’s going to take time and it may not end up being the fairy tale you’d like it to be. We were two disappointed, needy people that night. That’s all. In a practical relationship, I’m not sure we have that much in common.”

“Hmm, I can think of a couple of things.”

When Walt got to Muriel’s house, the dogs rushed to him, but Muriel didn’t. He found her sitting at her kitchen table with a notepad and glass of wine. He hefted his sack. “I brought you meat loaf and garlic mashed from Jack’s.”

She looked at him across the cheerful kitchen and said, “I’m doing it, Walt. I’m going back to L.A. to work.”

When he thought about it, he’d expected this. She was enchanted with the script from the moment she read it. And he knew she wouldn’t sell out, so it must have come together in a way she thought was worth her time and effort. He put the sack on the counter and went to the cupboard and got down a glass and that special bottle of Pinch she reserved for special occasions, pouring himself a drink. Then he sat at the table across from her. “Tell me about it.”

“I probably should have talked to you about it sooner, when it started to look like it was going to work to my advantage. But I try not to get stupidly optimistic about possible deals. For just about the first time, it turned out I was the last holdout. The actress waiting in the wings for the part was Diane Keaton. It’s a good part, Walt. A good opportunity.”