Versions of the Truth

Waking up in a lover's arms is one of the great joys of life. I turned in the circle of Rick's embrace to find him watching me.

"It's unsettling how little you sleep," I said.

"I could pretend for you if you'd like?" he replied in a voice as intoxicating as the body stretched out next to me.

"No, I'd rather know the truth. Speaking of, there are things I need to tell you about myself. Things you should know about my past if we are going to try to make this work."

"You forget, I was part of your past."

"Not my past life. I mean my romantic past."

Rick frowned. "You are only twenty-two, yes?"

"Yes."

"How much history could there be?" He laughed, nervously.

I grimaced. "You represent my foray into the double digits."

His brow wrinkled, and he scooted back as if to get a better look at me. "Are you saying, Grateful, that you have had intercourse with over ten men in your short life?"

"Well, yes. Normally, I wouldn't admit to it, but because you have waited for me, I thought you should know."

"And you did this why?"

"Don't think that I just slept with these people. I'm not a slut or anything. Every single one of them was a meaningful relationship."

Rick jumped a little as if I'd shocked him, and I realized that he might not consider a string of serious relationships any better than anonymous sex.

"I lived with the last one-er, Gary-and I dated the others for over a month each. I just can't seem to stick with someone for more than a year. Technically, I've never made it to a year, but you know what I mean."

"Marry me, Grateful. Put the past behind you."

"Don't you see what I'm saying? I'm terrible at this stuff. My relationships never last. I can't marry you because I don't want to be divorced in a year. Let's face it. We hardly know each other. If this is going to work, we need a firm foundation, something to build a life on. Let's take it slow and get to know each other."

Rick bounded out of bed and paced the floor, running his hands through his hair. "I know you, Grateful. Sometimes, I think, better than you know yourself. You are stalling, waiting for certainty in a life that offers no guarantees. You say to take it slow yet here we are, and what we have just done is anything but taking it slow. What are you afraid of?"

I scrambled for an answer, anything to put him off. The feelings I had for him were too overwhelming. They scared me. I'd already risked too much. "Why don't we just live together?" I suggested, although I knew my father would be upset at me jumping into the arrangement so soon after Gary. "Wait a minute. If we were married in a past life, why do we have two separate houses? Why didn't we live together then?"

Rick's features sagged. He was hiding something from me.

"We were married but didn't live together. Why?" I asked again.

"You needed your space-a space to do your magic."

"You said 'you needed your space' at first. Did we have our problems when we were married?"

"Every couple has problems."

"But ours were enough to keep us living in separate homes?"

He placed his hands on his hips. "You don't understand. There are extenuating circumstances. Each of us has our own seat of magic. Mine comes from the earth. Thus, my home is made of stone and wood. Yours comes from the air, thus the attic arrangement. It is natural for each of us to have our own places."

I thought about that for a while. Truthfully, it wouldn't do to fret over a past life I didn't even remember. But this meant I couldn't rely on some past happiness to confirm if I was supposed to be with Rick for the rest of my life. I needed to find out for myself, in this life. And I needed to change the subject because I was seriously ticking him off.

I lowered my eyes and waited a few heartbeats for the silence to drain the energy from the room. "What do you think we should do about Julius?"

"You're changing the subject, mi cielo."

"I don't believe he didn't know about Marcus. He's up to something. If he's raising an army of vampires, we have to stop him. Too many, and they will be impossible to control."

"I counted fifteen in TiltWorld. We may have already reached the tipping point."

"Do you think he was in contact with Marcus before he escaped? Is Julius Mr. Helleborine?"

"I don't know, but I'm staying vigilant. I believe we should keep a close watch on Julius. It's our best chance of maintaining the peace."

"Peace. I'd prefer an excuse to kill. The only good vampire is a dead vampire," I said.

"That's a harsh attitude, even for you." Rick peered at me through hooded eyes. "Be careful who you say that to. We don't want to alienate the supernatural community."

Who would I talk to? "Julius is up to something. If he changed Gary, that has to be against the rules, isn't it?"

"Not if Gary consented."

"But it's obvious he's building his coven, and Marcus knew just where to go when he escaped."

"We have no proof of that."

I narrowed my eyes. "Yeah...not yet anyway. Maybe I can get some dirt on him from Gary, but then if I didn't trust him before, I certainly don't trust him now that he's undead."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but perhaps you should brush up on your magic before taking on Julius. He's very old and very powerful."

"No offense taken. I know I have some things to learn." I pressed myself up from his bed. "I should get going. I have errands to run today, and I seriously need a shower."

"Are you going to see Logan?" he asked, resentment making his words short and sharp. Standing over me, the sheer size of him was intimidating, but it was this look of possessiveness that made me uncomfortable.

"Actually, no. I need to go grocery shopping and clean up the bloodstain in my foyer. But since you brought it up, I'm visiting him tomorrow. You should come. He needs all the support he can get right now."

Rick's head fell. I couldn't deal with the jealousy shit, not when the person he was jealous of currently was so weak he couldn't get out of bed by himself. I walked to his chest of drawers and pulled them out one by one. I found a t-shirt and some sweats to wear home.

"Oh, and Rick, if we're ever going to do this again, you need to stop shredding my clothes. Those were my favorite scrubs."

I left through the front door, more pissed off than I should have been, with Rick staring after me. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he wasn't smiling. It was a shitty way to leave things between us. But Rick wouldn't be happy until Logan was a distant memory, and I was married to him, to boot. I couldn't talk about it anymore. The answer was no on both accounts, and I wasn't going to cave. No way.

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