“If it makes you feel better, so am I.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better at all. None of this does.”

She nodded at the candles, shivered at the quiet, the quiet that radiated from Kingsley outward. He was different tonight. Nothing like the Kingsley she was used to, the Kingsley who could silence her with a stare, put her onto her knees with a nod. Some days she couldn’t get within five feet of him without him grabbing her, throwing her over his lap and spanking her until she collapsed into screams and laughter. Nothing was right about this. Kingsley nervous? Humbled? She shouldn’t be making eye contact with him now. She should already be on her knees, at his feet, obeying, serving, submitting.

He took a small quick breath and laid a hand on the side of her neck. His thumb massaged the ticklish spot under her ear.

“I know you know what I am,” he said.

Eleanor swallowed.

“I know,” she said.

“You can say it. I want to hear you say it.”

“You’re a switch,” she said.

“And?”

“And a masochist.”

“Did he tell you how much of a masochist?”

“He told me everything he did to you. And he told me you liked it.”

“I didn’t like it,” he said. “I loved it. And more than that, Eleanor. I needed it.”

“I understand. I need it too sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” he asked. She heard the note of curiosity in his voice. “Not always. Only sometimes?”

“I always like it,” she said. “Always love it. But I’m saying I know what it means to need it some nights.”

“Are there nights you need something else?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are there nights you’d rather give pain than receive it?”

And then she knew what Kingsley wanted her to do. Her heart stopped. Her blood went cold. This was every kind of bad idea Kingsley had ever had.

“King...no,” she said. If she hadn’t had Kingsley’s hands on her, she would have turned around and walked right out that second. “This absolutely cannot happen.”

“Please,” Kingsley said. “He won’t have to know.”

“Kingsley...” Unexpectedly tears sprang into her eyes. She was scared. Not scared. Terrified.

“I want you to hurt me, Eleanor. I need you to hurt me. Please?”

He lifted both hands to her face and brushed the tears away with his thumbs. He didn’t seem the least surprised to see them on her face. In fact, he seemed to recognize them.

“I can’t...” She pressed her face against his chest and he wrapped her in his arms.

“You can.” He whispered the words into her hair. “We both know you have this desire in you. Oui?”

She paused only a moment before nodding her head against his chest.

“Oui,” she said. She pulled back and looked up at him. “Are you sure you want me to do this?”

“Yes.”

“You want me to hurt you?”

“Hurt me and use me. Anything you want from me, ask it.”

“Anything? No limits?”

“The only limit is collars. I hate them.”

“I know, I know. Collars are for dogs. Where are the dogs anyway?”

“I put them downstairs.”

“Why?”

“The dogs, they love you, but they’re trained to protect me,” he said. “If they witnessed someone hurting me, they wouldn’t react well.”

“You were so sure I’d say yes that you locked the dogs downstairs?”

Kingsley smiled. Kingsley nodded. Kingsley was an arrogant son of a bitch and she loved him for it.

“Yes,” she said. “I mean, yes, I’ll try. I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it. But I’ll try. But I’m only doing this because you told me to do it. You’re still topping. You ordered me to hurt you. Right?”

“If that’s what you need to believe...”

“I do.”

“You might be surprised how much you like it.”

“I’ve never done this before.” She felt nervous as a virgin. No, far more nervous. She hadn’t been nervous at all the night she’d given her virginity to Søren. This seemed like a far more terrifying threshold to cross. And yet...

“You have done it. I watch you with the other Submissives and they do everything you tell them to do. You scare the shit out of them every day.”

“If they weren’t such whiny little pussies, I wouldn’t have to.”

“See?” He cupped her face with both hands. “There it is. Pure dominance. It’s in you. I saw it in you the night we met. You aren’t afraid to make decisions. You aren’t afraid to give orders. You aren’t afraid to be hated.”

“Neither is Søren.”

“Oui. And there is no one more dominant than he. But maybe you...”

“Maybe me, what?”

“Maybe you could give him a run for his money, no?”

Eleanor took a long shuddering breath.

“Well, it’s worth a shot anyway,” she said.

Kingsley laughed then, a low sensual laugh that made her toes curl and her skin shiver. She did want him. She felt desire for him as acute as pain. It had been over two weeks since she’d had sex. She wouldn’t last a night more without it. Without him.